“Can I come in?”
My brain had apparently taken a leave of absence, because I stepped back, allowing him to enter. His musky scent washed over me, and I wanted nothing more than to bury my face in his neck and inhale. No, Alexa. No. Crap, maybe the three vodka shots I’d slammed in quick succession after he’d left hadn’t been such a good idea. My hands were already shaking and I was struggling to remain upright.
I retreated into the kitchen and downed one more shot for good measure, before Cade entered the kitchen behind me. He recapped the bottle of vodka and placed it back inside the freezer.
“Enough,” he said roughly, his warm breath brushing over the back of my neck.
I leaned back against the kitchen island, his looming presence holding me captive. “Why’d you come back?” I’d been hoping to sound suspicious, hardened, but instead my voice gave away my desperate and intoxicated state. Damn.
“Are you drunk?” He reached out and toyed with a lock of my hair. “I was only gone an hour.” His hand brushed my cheek, lingering for just a moment.
I lifted my chin and smirked up at him. “No comment.” He’d soon realize what a mess I was, regardless. Seeing him with Sara and thinking he had moved on… God, it had crushed me. Even finding out that he wasn’t the baby’s father hadn’t eased my mind. It wasn’t as though he was asking for me back…was he? And what would I say if he did?
I needed to be strong. And in my buzzed state, with Cade’s masculine deliciousness standing in my kitchen, it was going to take a friggin’ miracle.
I placed my hands on my hips. “Why are you here, Cade?”
His gaze collided with mine. “You.”
My throat tightened and I gripped the counter for support. Cade said nothing further and made no move toward me. He just continued watching me, his eyes growing dark with desire. The anticipation sent my heartbeat thudding erratically in my chest.
Surely he knew this wasn’t fair. It would be beyond unfair to seduce me right now, when I was vulnerable and needy for his touch. I wanted so much more, but even before I processed it, I knew I would freely and willingly give him anything he wanted. Even knowing that my heart would surely shrivel up and disintegrate once and for all when he left me this time around.
He stepped in closer, as if testing the waters, and when I made no move to stop him, and in fact angled my body toward his, he closed the rest of the distance between us and hauled me up against him.
I sagged in relief. I’d missed this. The hard planes of his chest, his firm thighs pressing against mine in that familiar way. I’d missed him and at this point, I was desperate enough to take whatever I could get. My heart jumped into action, pounding against my ribs and my brain warred with my body. Could I handle the consequences of another night with Cade? He leaned down and planted a tender kiss on my jaw, just below my earlobe.
My heart said no, while my body screamed yes. Maybe if I purposely, knowingly chose this, if I was using him this time around… the loss wouldn’t hurt as much. I steeled my nerves to take what I needed from him…one last time. I needed to be the one in control.
I captured his mouth in a crushing kiss, parting his lips with my tongue and eagerly swirling my tongue with his.
His hands came up to cup my jaw, tilting my head to deepen the kiss. While his hands tangled in my hair and caressed my cheek, I didn’t allow myself to feel the tenderness of the moment, and instead took charge, unbuttoning his jeans and working my hand inside. His c**k stiffened under my none-too-gentle ministrations and once he was fully hard, I broke away from the kiss and dropped to my knees in front of him.
Cade chuckled, bringing his hand down to pet my hair, smoothing it back from my face. “Damn, baby, you in a hurry?”
But his laughter died on his lips when my mouth crested around his swollen head, pulling him deep inside.
“Oh, f**k.”
Pride swelled within me and I put every ounce of energy I had into the performance. My mind replayed the images from his videos, and I mimicked the moves I’d seen—licking his balls and sucking one of them into my mouth. Cade flinched and pulled back. “You don’t like it?” I asked, looking up at him with wide eyes.
His eyes blazed down at mine. “It’s…okay.” He seemed to struggle for the right words. He stroked my hair back from my face, while trying to read my expression. “I like you sucking on my c**k better, that’s all.”
“Oh. But in your last video…” I stopped, snapping my mouth closed.
Realization crossed his features, and it seemed we were both remembering the way he pulled himself free from the girl’s mouth and directed her to his balls. He stroked his thumb along my jaw. “That was just for the camera, baby. It was acting. My c**k is yours, and there was something that didn’t feel right about her doing that. My last memories were of you sucking me deep into your throat, and I didn’t want anyone else’s lips around me right then. I know that probably sounds stupid to you, considering… But it’s the truth.”
I took a deep breath. It didn’t matter what he said at this point, I reminded myself. He couldn’t make this right. I needed to be strong. “Kay. Got it.” I returned to my task, gripping him firmly with both hands as I stroked and suckled at the same time, forcing all thoughts away from my mind.
“Damn, cupcake.” His knees trembled, and his hands wound their way into my hair, lifting it from my face and arranging it in a ponytail behind my head.