I took her hand in mine. “Sara’s boyfriend is the father. I only met up with her because she wanted my opinion about how I left the adult film business. Despite the fact that she’s pregnant, Rick’s still been harassing her about working for him.”
“Wait.” She pulled her hand away suddenly, her face scrunching up. “The baby’s not yours?”
“No. Not mine.” Thank f**king God. I knew I wasn’t ready to bring a kid into this world. I had my hands full enough with Lil already. But the idea of watching Alexa’s belly grow bigger with my baby… Well, that was a different story. I pushed the thought away.
“Oh.” Her shoulders sagged in relief. “And…you left the business?”
“Yes. I never intended to be a p**n star, Lex. I just had thousands of dollars in medical bills for Lily that I had no way of paying. I needed to make some fast money.” I wanted to tell her that was my plan all along and if she’d just let me explain myself that morning… but I bit my tongue. I hadn’t even tried to stop her the morning that she left. And I’d regretted that every damn day since.
She closed her eyes and drew in a shaky breath. “Oh,” she said again.
Though I knew I shouldn’t, that it was none of my f**king business, I couldn’t get that prick she’d been on a date with out of my head. “Lex…” I inched closer to her on the couch, dropping my voice lower, “that guy…Peter…has he touched you?”
Her eyes snapped open and met mine. “Do you know what you’re saying?” A tense silence hung in the air around us. “We’re dating, as in me and him. Not me and you. You don’t get a say in who touches me.”
All right then. I guess that cleared that up. I’d f**ked up royally with her. But the thought of someone else’s hand on her made me want to hit something. Hard. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry about everything. Well, not everything. I wouldn’t take back that night with you,” I admitted.
Her body went rigid. “You’re an ass**le, you know that?” She stood and paced in front of the couch, seeming to draw strength from her anger—an anger that was currently being directed at me. “If you needed money for Lily, all you had to do was ask.”
“Out of the question.” I shook my head. I didn’t take handouts. Plain and simple. It was a promise I made myself when I took custody of Lily rather than having her end up in foster care. I would take full responsibility for her. End of story.
Alexa spun towards me, her hands landing on her hips. “The fact that you could betray me that way—by sleeping with another woman rather than put your macho ego aside and ask for the money…” She wiped away the tears that had escaped the corners of her eyes. “I can’t forgive that…I can’t get over it. I’m sorry.”
“I am, too.” I stood and kissed her forehead, before disappearing through the front door.
Fuck! The curse ripped through my chest as I peeled out of her complex. I slammed my hand against my dash, cursing as I accelerated toward home.
After driving around aimlessly until I got my heart rate under control, I was surprised to see an hour had passed. Being with her today, watching her break down, I knew there was no way in f**k I could walk away and forget her. I’d wanted to hold her, wipe away her tears, kiss away her sobs. But she wasn’t mine anymore. And that realization was like a punch to the gut. Fuck it. I was not giving her up this easily.
Just the thought of going back home without her, back to my empty life, and waking up to an empty bed every morning… No. I wouldn’t settle. Not this time. I wanted to see her lift Lily onto her hip again, make her giggle the way she had before. Maybe I wasn’t worthy of her love, but I was just selfish enough to try.
I made a quick phone call, asking Sophia if she wouldn’t mind staying with Lily a little longer. Hell, what I was about to do could take five minutes or all night if I had my way. I told Lily I loved her and to listen to Sophia.
“Love you, Caden!” her little voice rang in my ear.
“Love you too, baby girl.” Lily’s faith in me calmed me more than a little bit, and I pulled a U-turn, anxious to get back to Lex.
I knocked at the door I had fled from just over an hour ago, but this time, my nerves were crackling. She’d made it clear she was no longer interested, but her tears told me there was more to it. She was still hurting, so maybe I still had a chance.
“Go away, Kenz!” Alexa’s muffled voice called from inside. “Vodka won’t fix me this time.”
I knocked again. “It’s Cade.”
The door flew open. “Cade?” She swayed on her feet and I reached out to steady her, gripping her upper arms. I couldn’t seem to stop touching her, even though she practically winced each time I did so.
“Whoa. I’ve got you.” I needed to get my shit together, to find the right words to make her understand. But I’d never been good at romantic speeches, and I doubted that was going to change now. I’d just have to find a way, without words, to show her.
The sweet scent of her skin and her hazy blue eyes sent a streak of desire straight down my spine.
Fuuuck.
Chapter 22
Alexa
“Cade? What are you doing here?” I stepped back, out of his grasp. “I called MacKenzie after you left and thought it was her coming to…come over.” I’d been about to say cheer me up, but doing so would have implied I was a complete wreck. I didn’t want to give him that kind of power over me.