Alexa hadn’t even given me a chance to explain, she’d just jumped to conclusions and stormed out on me. I hadn’t bothered to stop her. The disgust and judgment written all over her face told me what I’d known deep down all along—I would never be good enough for her. She would never be able to comprehend that sometimes there were things in life that you didn’t want to do, but had to do to take care of your family. And Lily was my family. I’d do anything for her. Life wasn’t all f**king sunshine and rainbows. Real life was hard. I was doing what needed to be done. Period. She said she understood my responsibilities regarding caring for Lily, but when it came down to it, she bailed. End of story.
After getting Lily off to school, I took a lengthy shower, shaved my chest and groin, and then got dressed and made sure to stretch. I recalled from my previous shoot that three hours of sex will make you sore in the oddest places.
When I arrived at the set, the model I was going to be working with was already there, getting her hair and makeup done. She certainly didn’t fit the p**n -star image. Her looks were the epitome of the sweet girl next door. She had wavy, shoulder-length brown hair, big brown eyes and was more cute than sexy.
I went up to introduce myself. “Hey, I’m Cade, er, I mean Sebastian.”
She smiled warmly. “Hi. I’m Jill, but you can call me Britney.”
“Got it. Nice to meet you.” I returned her smile. At least she seemed like she’d be easy to work with, which was nice. I didn’t need any more drama today. She turned back to the makeup artist to finish up, and I went to find Rick.
Today’s shoot was relatively straightforward. We’d start in the opulent master bathroom, where I’d find Britney taking a bubble bath, and after spending a few minutes kissing and helping to wash her, I’d lift her from the tub and carry her into the bedroom where we’d finish out the scene.
Once I knew the setup, I got rubbed down with bronzer, and then waited for my cue from Rick. Once Britney was relaxing in the Jacuzzi tub, I sauntered in, barefoot, dressed in just a pair of jeans. We shared a few tender kisses, and I rubbed her shoulders and neck, before moving on to her br**sts. Then they captured a shot of me helping her from the tub before calling cut.
We picked things up again once we were on the bed, and I was soon buried deep inside Britney. But once inside her, I couldn’t escape my thoughts about the previous night with Alexa. She was so soft, so trusting that I wouldn’t hurt her. Being with Britney was the complete opposite. She thrust her hips to match my strides and begged me to f**k her faster. A deep, nagging feeling boiled up, urging me on and I relented, driving into her hard and fast, chasing relief from the fire raging inside me.
Realizing I didn’t have to be careful with Britney, I didn’t hold back. I plowed into her until she stopped asking for it harder and started a litany of tiny whimpers. The sound of Britney’s whimpers reminded me of Alexa. And holding the image of Alexa’s face in my mind, I finished. But even with my release, relief didn’t come.
*****
Ian arrived just as the game as about to start.
He scanned my coffee table and gestured to the six-pack of beer and takeout pizza box with a frown. “Hey man, where are the wings?”
I shook my head. “Not in the mood.” It would remind me too much of Alexa. Damn, watching her sweet mouth tear the meat off the bone and her pink tongue darting out to catch a drip of barbeque sauce…no, there would be no wings tonight.
He sank to the couch, grabbing a beer.
“Have you been working much?” We both knew he wasn’t asking about construction. We typically kept a don’t ask, don’t tell policy when it came to me dabbling in p**n , but I’d let it slip that Alexa had left me over it, and that was why I’d been so miserable.
“Nope. I paid off the bills I needed to, and now I’m keeping myself out of all that shit.”
He nodded, sipping his beer. “And Alexa?”
I pulled my mouth into a tight line and shook my head.
“Still? Damn you’re stubborn.”
I drained my bottle and reached for a fresh beer, keeping my eyes glued to the play. “How am I stubborn?”
“Because you’re telling me you’re not doing p**n anymore…and the reason Alexa left you was because you were doing p**n …”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I growled, picking at the label on my bottle.
“And do you not see how stupid that logic is?” Ian shook his head. “Go after her, bro. Quit being a f**king pu**y.”
“Drop it, man. It would never work between us anyways.” Would it?
Chapter 18
Alexa
MacKenzie and I were sitting in my living room with two wine glasses on the coffee table and a bottle of Merlot between us. It had been a long week. I woke each morning with thoughts of Cade and Lily swirling in my head and went to bed each night with tears in my eyes. I missed them both fiercely, though I’d never admit that to Cade. What he’d done was unforgiveable. He’d strung me along, pretending to be this amazing guy—he met my parents for heaven’s sake—but worst of all, he’d captured my heart. It was exactly what MacKenzie had warned me about. Thank God there was no I told you so. She just listened when I needed to vent, and kept quiet when I didn’t want to talk, and she’d come over every night this past week to distract me.
After a few glasses of wine MacKenzie had begun trying to pump me for information about how Cade was in bed.