“So what? You want me to break up with Lexi for you? For the band?” I ask him, my fists clenching with the thought. I don’t think I could ever give up Lexi. I won't give up Lexi.
“The fact that you even ask that makes me know that you don’t deserve her. I would give up this band in a minute for Lexi,” he says as he puts his helmet on. And as he rides off, I feel like punching something. Preferably Saxon’s head.
*****
Lexi
Ryder comes back inside and sits next to me. I made a decision while he was outside. The hardest, most selfless decision I have ever made.
I realized that I was going to have to give up Ryder.
I was coming between him and his dream, and I couldn’t let that happen. Ryder would resent me if he was stuck here with me working a nine to five, while his band made it big. I'd never hold him back like that. Sax made it clear he wasn’t going to be okay with Ryder and me being together, and I really have no other options. And when Ryder starts touring, who knows how our relationship would fair? He could find someone else, and I would be lonely and wondering what he was up to.
“I think we should break up, Ryder,” I blurt out, setting my shoulders.
“What? Because of Saxon?” he asks in a rough tone.
“Yes, he's a part of it, but it’s just not gonna work out. Okay?” I tell him bluntly. Ryder stares at me in silence for a few moments before nodding with realization.
“You’re not gonna fight for us. You’re just gonna take the easy way out. Let me tell you something, Lexi, anything worth having you need to fight for. Nothing this amazing comes without a fight. And I was going to fight for you, for us, until the very end. But I can’t do that if you aren’t willing to do the same.”
Saying that that, he gets up and leaves.
I burst into tears.
*****
A week later, I know I've made a huge mistake. I want to fight. I’m ready and willing. Over the past few days I've been miserable. Nothing Tee tried to do could cheer me up, and I can tell she's starting to worry. I've tried to call Ryder a few times, but he didn’t answer; he's obviously still mad at me. The only way I'm going to be able to talk to him is to go and see him.
I run up the stairs to Ryder’s apartment, eager to see him, but slow down when I hear voices coming from his front door.
“I think we should give this a go, Ryder, don’t you?” a woman’s voice purrs. The hairs on the nape of my neck stand on end. I listen intently, and I hear Ryder sigh. I can just imagine him rubbing the back of his neck with those long slender fingers of his. Musician’s hands. My heart breaks as I realize he's actually considering this. He possibly wants to be with this woman. What was I to him?
*****
Chapter 14
Ryder
“I think we should give this a go, Ryder, don’t you?” Nikki says huskily.
“I guess we could give us a try, or we will always be wondering what if,” I find myself thinking out loud.
But… Lexi. Lexi brings complications. Lexi herself is complicated. She's a threat to everything I have worked towards because of her past with Sax. Lexi can bring down the band, put a stop to my dreams. Lexi is our band's Yoko Ono. I feel so much for Lexi, but am I willing to sacrifice my hope, my dreams, and my career for her? For someone who isn’t even willing to fight back for me?
Before I can say anything else Nikki makes the decision for me and puts her lips on mine. The woman has always been forward, but with me she was never the one to take the lead, it’s always been me, so this is a new experience for us. I think she really wants to see where this can lead. I hear a gasp and my head snaps towards the staircase where I see the back of a retreating Lexi. I’d recognize that honey blonde hair anywhere. Fuck. I don’t want to hurt her. Ever. I love Lexi. I flinch as I realize the truth of what she just saw. This is a cluster f**k.
“Who was that?” Nikki asks, her emerald eyes narrowing.
“A friend,” I say softly.
At least she was.
Because now Alexis Joy Raine probably hates me.
*****
Lexi
I have no idea what to do about Tee. If I tell her that I’m running, she'll want to run with me. But she already has a good thing going here in Perth. I decide honesty is always the best policy, so I call her up.
“Hey, butt face,” she says in welcome. The woman is charming.
“Tee, I’m leaving Perth. I need to get away for a while,” I tell her, getting straight to the point.
“When do we leave?” she asks instantly.
I’m silent.
“Lexi?” she asks.
“You don’t need to come, Tee. We just moved in, you can find another roomie and…”
“What happened with Ryder?” she asks knowingly.
“He moved on,” I say slowly and softly, drawing out each word.
“Come again?” Tee hisses. I don’t reply because I know that she heard me.
“Where are you going to go?” she asks after a few seconds.
“I’m not sure yet, but I'll be back,” I assure her.
“I’ll give you three months,” she announces. “If you’re not back, I’ll come to wherever you are.”
“Deal,” I say. I always keep my word, and so does Tee. We're both loyal to a fault.
“Will you be there when I get home?” she asks me.
“I’ll wait for you, I’m not gonna just leave without saying bye to my family,” I tell her.