“Pupil surpassed the teacher!” I said.
“And this is her date, John,” William said, putting his arm around me as he nodded toward the douche.
Moose turned to John. If he noticed the littler man’s aggression he didn’t show it.
“John knows Lump from Muay Thai kick-boxing,” William continued. “Lump tells us he is quite skilled.”
“Oh really?” Moose said politely. “That’s interesting. I had a friend that took lessons in Muay Thai. It is pretty intense I hear.”
“Very,” John said with a scowl.
Moose smiled and nodded, still unaffected. “Would y’all like a drink?”
“Beer,” William and I said together.
Moose laughed. “Glad to see y’all out tonight. We were short of pretty people—poor Adam was being hit on by women and men!”
“Where’s your girl?” I asked.
Moose gave me the international sign for C’mon and I’ll tell you, which was a wave of the hand. I followed like a puppy, happy to be away from Lump’s dude.
“She is out for a girl’s night. You and Lump really ought to hook up with them. I hear they have a great time.”
“I might. That sounds fun!”
“Jess, first, I heard about you meeting Dez. Dezeray. Look, that was a long time ago and Willie is so far over that lady, you have no idea! He was done a year before he finally walked away.”
“I know Moose.”
“Second,” he got more serious. “What the hell is up with Lump’s boyfriend?”
“I know, right?! He is such a douche! She said they were totally good together and whatever. Like, immediately hit it off!”
“Wow. Valley girl.”
“Shut up.”
“I heard about her and Adam’s thing, too. Not good.”
“Men are a bunch of gossips.”
Moose shrugged.
“Yeah, they repaired all that. Kinda. The falling out I mean. But she doesn’t trust him—or maybe is scared of him? Not sure, she won’t say. And he is being him, which is over-cautious as always.”
“Yeah, he won’t say much about it. Bothers him, though.”
“Oh?”
Moose shrugged and paused to order. Then, “He doesn’t like someone thinking bad about him, you know? Especially a girl. But then, Willie said he deserved it; that he lost it.” Moose shrugged again. “Bad situation all around. I think Adam is embarrassed by it, but also hates that she thinks he is capable of it. So yeah, he’s gonna steer clear. Doesn’t want to worry her, I reckon.”
“I know. Over-cautious.”
Moose just shook his head. “Adam is a deep guy. He has a lot of past haunts, you know? She might ‘a gotten a little too close.”
“For her, too, I think. They are completely opposite, but apparently they share the same horror stories.”
“Makes for an explosive friendship. Great sex, I bet, though.”
“She said they didn’t. Did they?” I asked excitedly.
“Hey now. Whoa there! I was just saying that explosive friendships make for great sex. He said he didn’t stay there that night. Sounded like he didn’t trust himself.”
“Yeah, that’s what she said. Boring,” I admitted blandly.
He laughed. “Probably for the better, Jess. You don’t need sexual drama between friends.”
“Still boring.”
We brought beers over to those that wanted them. Lump and her man had moved toward the table where everyone was sitting, of which there were ten in all—many I had met before, none of which I remembered their names. As Lump neared, Adam got up easily and offered her his seat. Lump declined politely, but it was clear her heels, though cute, were not very comfortable.
I kept trying to tell her: that’s what you get for buying cheap shoes!
Moose offered his seat to me, and I declined as well. I had good shoes, and bare legs. I needed to let things breath a minute! Plus, I wanted to stand up by William. He was looking hot and I was getting horny.
Moose pointed to the chair and said, “Sit.”
“Bigger standin’ like a dog sittin’.”
“What?”
“What was that?” Adam said with a smile.
Everyone was looking at me. “It’s an Irish saying. Or at least I heard it from Claire. Bigger standing like a dog sitting. Dogs are taller when they sit down. Get it?”
“Dogs aren’t taller when they sit,” Brad said laughing.
William was using his hand as a marker to guesstimate.
“They are!” I laughed. “I had the same debate with Claire. We tested out the theory on some stranger’s lab. Nice dog. True, though.”
“It’s true,” Lump affirmed with a nod. “I was there. It wasn’t much taller, but it was taller. When dogs stand their heads stick out in front of them. Not up so much as out. When they sit their body goes at an angle and their heads point up. I dunno, but it’s true. Swear!” She made a motion like she was crossing her heart.
That started everyone on a debate. William gave his opinion that that couldn’t be true—he would know, he breads them. Brad agreed. He would know, he owns them. Other guys said they would know, but had the opposite opinion.
In the middle of a heated debate in which everyone had an opinion with no real evidence, Adam, who hadn’t sat down, took a slow, half-step toward Lump. Her man was off to pee or smoke or God knew what. Probably looking for expensive things to steal.
She tensed up and looked at him sharply. Adam froze, not moving anything but his mouth. “I don’t mean no harm, Betz. I jus’ wanted to let you know that you win the contest. Hands down, you and Jessie win.”
Her face blushed slightly. “The most dressed up contest, or the prettiest contest?”
She did a hair toss when she said “prettiest.” She was such a chick with Adam. Or maybe he just made her nervous and not many people did.
“The your shoes are the least comfortable contest. You’re too late for the prettiest contest, I already won that one. Ain’t that right, Jessie girl?”
“Always had that one down pat, Adam. I’ve never seen a prettier man than you.”
He turned back to Lump and shrugged with nonchalance. “She told me she picked Willie because I was too pretty. Ain’t that like a woman!” He started to laugh. Lump loosened up a fraction. “Now that we got that straight...Betz, please take a seat. My feet are hurtin’ jus’ lookin’ at ya. Jessie, you, too.”
“Adam, these shoes make the outfit,” I said in a haughty tone. “No one will be able to appreciate that if I sit. Look how good my legs look!”
“Adam, please refrain from looking at how good my girlfriend’s legs look,” William said.
Everyone listening started laughing, which was most of the table.
“Jessica,” William said, ushering me toward the chair. “You are making everyone uncomfortable. Do as the menfolk say, sit!”
“Whatever happened to women’s lib?” I cried.
“Women can fight perfectly well seated, thank you very much,” Lump said as she gratefully sat down.
Lump’s idiot man came back smelling of marijuana. Adam scooted out of the way and let head dick hover behind Lump. He eyed everyone suspiciously, but said nothing.
I couldn’t understand it. William had plenty of cute, nice friends that weren’t scary and weren’t violent. There were a bunch sitting at the table just waiting for Lump to talk to them. Couldn’t she find one of those?
Toward the end of the night I got up to hit the bathroom and Lump followed. We did our business, fixed our hair, and had a few seconds of nothing important before heading back out to join all the men. It was as we were headed toward the table that we heard a commotion.
Lump put the jets on, dragging me behind her. “Stay out of the way if anything happens, Jess,” was all she said.
Sure enough, William had called it. That tool Lump brought was picking a fight with a tipsy Moose.
Everyone was away from the table, leaving all the drinks and what not there. Because I would have no action in this stupid thing, I went for my beer. Which wasn’t there.
Shaking my head, because I still had half a beer left before someone chucked it, I had a few sips of Lump’s vodka-cran instead. Being that it was a fresh drink, someone obviously forgot about me, and now would never hear the end of it.
I took a big gulp and winced. Salty. Yuck. I gave it a stir and took another sip.
No, still gross. It wasn’t worth it.
I thought about sitting down, but thought that might be foolish in case the commotion came over here. Lump was inching toward the action, so I stayed close enough not to be left behind, but far enough away not to be involved.
“Look fella,” Moose was saying with his arms up. “I wasn’t even talking to you. I got no problem with you. Let’s just all relax and go back to what I’m good at, drinkin’!”
“Fuck you, haus. You were talking about my woman, right? Talkin’ about her sweet ass, right?” John yelled for the whole bar to hear. He was in some sort of stance and looking stupid. It was hard to imagine he was the best in the class, because Lump never looked stupid when she was in her “ready” stance.
“I was talking about my girlfriend, and nowhere did the words ‘sweet’ or ‘ass’ come into the conversation. I don’t need your woman, John, I’ve got my own. One woman’s enough, know what I mean?” Moose was smiling and still trying to ease the situation. He was giant, and he could throw a few punches if he wanted to, but he was generally too nice to fight.
William was behind John, looking like he’d rather just throw the littler man out and get back to the table. Adam was between William and Moose with a posture that said he had nowhere to be, but would rather not get involved. As soon as he saw us coming, though, he blocked us from entering the scuffle.
Lump, predictable as she is, said, “Adam, move.”
Adam turned toward her with a careful expression, his hands slightly up like Moose’s were. “Now Betz, I know you want to sort this out. I know you could—I got every faith in you. But if you get involved your...friend there is liable to accidentally hit you--”
Lump opened her mouth to protest but Adam talked over her. “—and you look stunning tonight. You got those shoes that make your outfit.” He half smiled as he said that. “I would hate that beautiful new dress to get ripped or stretched or ruined, or you to break your ankle in those stilts, because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. This ain’t no place for a lady, Betz. Please.”
He was being reasonable and logical. Plus, there really wasn’t anything Lump needed to do with all these guys around her. I was on Adam’s side, though my opinion meant nothing because William would personally tie me to a chair if I tried to get involved. He was still way over-protective.
“Adam, just let me talk to him. I will stand next to you and Willie and try to calm him down, okay? If he tries to hit me or anyone else, I promise I will step out of the way. Are you happy with that?”
Adam looked at her for a long moment then nodded reluctantly.
For once, it wasn’t an argument. I think it was taking every ounce of control each of them had, but it was a start.
Lump stepped to the side of Adam with William on her other side. I pushed up behind her where I could see. Since I was behind a wall of people I had no doubt I would be fine. It wasn’t my smartest move.
Adam extended his arm behind Lump and touched the small of her back. She startled at the contact.
“Whoa, girl, just a precaution.” It sounded like he was trying to calm a spooked cow.
Ha! Adam thought of her as a cow!
“You get pushed ‘n those heels are gonna snap as easy as wringing a chicken’s neck. I just wanna make sure to catch you before you fall on Jessie.”
Lump whipped around at the mention of my name. “Jess, get out of--”
“What are you doing to my girlfriend?!” John yelled. He connected eyes with Adam and his face went cockeyed. Lump turned back to the fray, Adam’s arm holding her in place out of reflex.
William stepped closer to Lump to thoroughly block me off and act as another set of arms in case that tool finally found a reason to attack.
I was just trying to see...! I whined to myself.
“Hey man,” Adam said, not removing his hand from behind Lump’s back. “She’s got some pretty dangerous shoes on, and another lady behind her. I don’t want neither of them gettin’ hurt.”
“Why isn’t your hand on the other girl?”
“John, shut up!” Lump said angrily. So much for calmly talking him down.
John turned to her. “Oh, I get it. You like him touching you. I saw you all night looking at him, talking with him, laughing with him. You are cheating on me, right?”
“John, I’m not even together with you. How’m I going to cheat on you? Let’s go outside and talk about this rationally. Why are you trying to start a fight with these guys? They don’t want any drama.”
John stared at her for a beat, then looked back at Adam. Then to William. He must have not liked what he saw in William’s eyes because he turned his tirade that way.
“What’r you starin’ at, haus? Pretty little thing you brought tonight. I’m thinking she might be good for a threesome. Legs up to her neck, tits for days; probably just as feisty as my bird in bed, huh?”
“Willie...” Adam murmured a warning.
John saw that he was getting an effect. He looked at me through the opening between Lump and William. “Want me to make her scream for you haus?”