I cleared my throat, and set down my coffee mug, hoping he wouldn’t notice my shaking hands. “Of course. I was drunk and feeling sorry for myself. That won’t happen again. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. That was my fault as much as it was yours. I shouldn’t have done that.” After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, he set down his coffee mug, and stood. “I guess I should get out of your way, then. I’m sure you have a lot to do.”
I stood. “Logan. Please, you don’t have to go.”
“I won’t take advantage of you, Ashlyn.”
I gripped his hand. “Isn’t that what I did to you last night?” I smiled, hoping to ease the tension between us.
He grinned. “That was different. I didn’t mind that at all.”
Interesting… “I don’t mind you being here either. I’d like for you to stay.”
His eyes held mine, considering the offer.
“I have a lot more work on my thesis, according to Clancy, and if you stayed here, I’d have access to ask you questions and interview you if I needed to.” It sounded halfway plausible, but truly I just didn’t want to think about where he would go if he wasn’t here.
“I suppose I could stay for a little while, just while you’re working on your paper. If I get to be any trouble, just say the word, and I’ll go.”
I nodded eagerly. Like that would happen. “Great. I’m glad that’s settled. Now…for breakfast…”
He sucked in a deep breath, like there was still something that didn’t satisfy him. “Ashlyn…”
“What?”
“I don’t have any money, no job. Fuck, I don’t even have a change of clothes. I can’t take advantage of you like this. Your generosity is too much.”
“Logan, it will be okay. We’ll get you what you need and when you get a job you can pay me back if it makes you feel better.”
He took a deep breath. “Yes, I guess that will have to work.”
Logan refused breakfast, saying coffee was fine, and after a quick shower, he wanted to get out looking for work. I didn’t point out that it was Sunday and he might not have much luck. He seemed eager to get out of the tiny apartment and do something productive with himself. Which was fine, since I owed Liz a phone call this morning, and I didn’t want Logan to hear me lie about coming home alone last night.
I showed him the hallway linen closet where I kept the spare towels and told him he was free to use anything he wanted. I brought him into the bathroom to warn him about my rickety shower facet and how to not be inadvertently scalded.
Logan stopped in front of the bathroom mirror, and stood there seemingly mesmerized.
I stood behind him, watching as he inspected himself in the mirror. He brought his fingertips to his face, running his hand along the stubble on his jaw, tracing the line of his nose, then tilted his head to the side to see his profile. I couldn’t imagine how strange it would be to not recognize your own reflection in the mirror. Things I took for granted every day, Logan was relearning.
Chapter Six
Once Logan returned from an unsuccessful job search, I was only halfway through grading the essays from Clancy’s graduate level psych class. Logan peeked around the corner, and asked where I kept the cleaning supplies. I showed him my pitiful collection consisting of a few random spray bottles underneath the kitchen sink. He systematically pulled each bottle from the cabinet and inspected every one.
“What are you looking for?” I asked.
“I’m going to clean the apartment. You can keep studying.”
“Logan, you don’t have to do that.”
“It makes me feel useful. Like there’s still something I know how to do, some way that I can contribute.”
Oh. “Thank you. I just didn’t want you to feel obligated.” I’d lived alone for a few years now, and cleaning up after myself was usually limited to the bare minimum. Still it was a far cry from how I grew up. Overflowing ashtrays and beer can pyramids had been my dad’s basic décor. “I know I won’t be winning any awards for my housekeeping anytime soon; I just hope you don’t find me disgusting.”
He laughed. “I could never find you disgusting, Ashlyn.”
I knew from my research that as someone with amnesia began recovering, they looked for ways to feel productive and useful. I smiled at the thought of Logan progressing into this stage.
I dug out my extra key from the junk drawer and pressed it into his palm. “So you can come and go as you please.” I handed him a one hundred dollar bill. “And so you can get some of the things you might need, clothes, stuff like that. Sorry I can’t give you more.”
“No, this is…” He shook his head. “Very kind of you.” We stood in the kitchen, just a foot apart, smiling at each other. “What would I do if you hadn’t come into my hospital room?”
“It’s nothing, really. I enjoy having you here.”
After he cleaned the kitchen and bathroom from top to bottom, he dusted and vacuumed the entire apartment. Then I heard him banging around in the kitchen and since I was mentally unable to read another half-witted paper on theories of personality, I went to see what he was up to.
He had filled a pot with water and was preparing to drop pasta into the steaming pot, but paused to smile at me. “I hope spaghetti will be okay. That’s about all I could find in the cabinets.”