“Do you ever write anything mean about me?” I hold my breath in anticipation.
He shakes his head, looking stunned by my question. “I would never write anything bad about you. Ever.”
“Then why can’t I read just a page or two?” I ask.
“I’m not sure I can let you,” he mumbles. “Not sure if I’m ready yet…” He trails off, staring out at the hills in front of us, looking as lost as we probably do out in the middle of thousands of trees. If it wasn’t for him, I’d never be able to find my way back. Thankfully, he has a good sense of direction.
I want to press him more, because I’m really curious what he’s writing about all the time, but I can tell his mind’s already wandering, so I seal my lips and pretend to be happy. Eventually he starts to get up. I bend my legs to stand up, too, figuring we’re leaving, but he puts a hand onto my shoulder and gently pushes me down to the ground. Then he winds around behind me and sits down, putting a leg on each side of me and winding his arms around my waist. He pulls me against him and buries his face into my neck, kissing it. “This past month has been amazing,” he whispers, and sucks on my neck, rolling his tongue out, teasing my skin with kisses. “I really wish we could stay this way.”
I let my head fall to the side to give him more room to tease my neck. “We can’t just live in a tent forever… as much fun as it’s been, I really can’t wait to have a real roof over my head.”
He moves his lips up my neck to my earlobe. “What if we built a cabin for us to live in?”
“Why would we do that?” I ask, breathless as his kisses make my skin dot with goose bumps. “Or better yet, how would we?”
“Save up.” He makes a path of kisses down my neck as his hand slips underneath the front of my shirt. “Build one. Move out here. Live. Write. Do whatever the hell we want for the rest of our lives.”
My heart hammers inside my chest, wondering if this conversation is headed where I think it’s headed. “Forever? Just you and I?” Is he talking about our future?
“Maybe,” he says distractedly, and then he presses his fingertips to the side of my jaw and kisses me deeply, leaving me more confused than ever.
But like always, his kisses make me forget my confusion.
* * *
Ethan
I’m messing this up. Really, really bad. There was a reason why I wanted to take her up here—some things I want to say about us that I discovered last night—but now I’m chickening out and panicking. I suddenly feel like I’m fourteen again and the weight of the world—the pressure—is building up and crushing me. I need to calm down.
I start kissing her as a way around it, knowing that eventually I’ll have to break the kiss and finally just tell her how I feel. About us. About our future. But I kiss her for as long as possible, until she’s gasping against my mouth and I’m gently pulling at her hair. I can tell we’re only a few more heated moments away from peeling off our clothes and having sex right here on the trail. It wouldn’t be the first time, and yet I carefully pull away, nibbling on her lip before sitting up straight.
She looks flustered. “What’s wrong?” Her fingers travel up the front of my chest to the top of my shirt, where she grips at the fabric, trying to guide me back to her. “Don’t you want to relive the Fourth of July incident?”
I smile as I recollect the Fourth of July. Fireworks exploding over the lake in front of us. Trees surrounding us. Hiding under a blanket, listening to people chatter in the distance as we made love, knowing that at any moment someone could walk up the trail and see us. Neither of us really cared. In fact, it made things more exhilarating.
“Not just yet,” I say, cupping her cheek. “I actually need to talk to you about something.”
Her forehead creases as she sits up, then kneels and turns to face me. “It’s not bad, is it?”
“As long as I can get it out right, it isn’t.” I let out a loud exhale, preparing to do something I never thought I’d do. “The thing is, you keep talking about marriage and stuff and it really freaks me out,” I tell her, and when she frowns I quickly add, “But it’s not like I don’t think about where we’re going to be down the road… if we’re going to end up together… be together forever.” I put my hands on her thighs as she watches me with worry. “I actually think about it a lot. More than I actually realized… Something that I sort of discovered after writing last night.”
“And what did writing reveal to you?” she asks, biting on her bottom lip as I smooth my thumb across her cheek.
“That you and I will end up together.” I swallow hard, hating that I have to add the last part, but I need to if I’m going to be honest. “However, I don’t think we should get married soon.”
She rolls her eyes, which wasn’t the response I was expecting. “I don’t think we should get married soon either,” she says, inching closer to me. “I just wanted—no needed—to know we’re headed somewhere that could maybe lead to that one day. And that you feel the same way as I do about being together in the long run.”
I tangle my fingers through her hair “You know I love you, right?”
“Yes,” she says, leaning in for a kiss. “And I love you too.”
I pull her in for a quick kiss and then rest my forehead against hers, shutting my eyes, preparing myself for the next thing I’m going to say. Something that terrifies the shit out of me because it’s so permanent and the even scarier part is that I want it to be. “I want to do something.”
She catches her breath. “What?”
I slip my hand up the back of her shirt and place my palm over her tattoo on her back. “I think… I mean, I want to get another tattoo.”
I feel her lashes flutter against me as she opens her eyes and slants away. I open my eyes but keep my hand on her back right between her shoulder blades. She’s giving me a baffled look, her eyes wide and searching mine.
“I don’t get it,” she says. “How do we go from our future talk to you getting a tattoo? I mean, if you want to get another tattoo, that’s totally okay with me. You look hot with them… but I don’t—”
Chuckling under my breath, I cover her mouth with my hand. “Lila, I meant that we should get tattoos together. Ones to mark this trip. And the beginning of our future… ones that sort of go together.” When she looks like she’s starting to relax, I remove my hand from her mouth. “I knew this couple with really cool matching bands on their fingers and I thought maybe we could get something like that.”