She walks awkwardly as if her feet are too heavy for her legs, her shoes dragging across the floor. Her head is tipped down, her brown hair a veil around her face. She’s wringing her hands in front of her, nervous and scared. The first thing I think is that this can’t be the woman there that night. But I quickly learn that my initial observation of Mira Price is wrong because when she reaches the center of the room and turns to face the window, her expression is calm, her shoulders are squared. And those eyes … Those goddamn eyes that are as hollow as my heart used to be. They’re the color of Luke’s too, but still look so different – so lacking life and emotion. No, they’re not the same at all.
Mira’s eyes look hauntingly dead, pale, expressionless, and when she smiles it’s as if she’s pleased to be on the other side of the glass. But I’m just not sure it was her singing in the dark that night, and a sadness weeps inside me as I realize this and what it means – that I can’t identify her.
A tear or two falls from my eyes but I can’t seem to take my focus off of her. Her eyes are locked right in my direction too, even though she can’t see me. But it feels like she can, feels like I’m five years old again, hiding in the dark and she’s looking right at me, but never says a word.
Then her eyes grow more intense, her posture more confident. There’s a shift in the air, an omen perhaps, one that I should run away from, but I don’t budge. Her lips start to move, twist and conform as if she’s sickly pleased with what she’s about to do. When her voice leaves her mouth, it’s as if I’ve been jerked back to my childhood home and I’m all alone. A few simple sentences, that’s all it takes, for my world to forever change.
‘Lean into me. Lean into me,’ she sings slowly, looking right in my direction as if she can see me through the window. ‘Take. Help me. I need to understand. Help me. I can’t do this without you.’
Someone starts to scream. Shout. Bang on the glass. It’s hurting my ears … my hands … feels like I’m bleeding out, gushing wounds …
‘Violet! Violet! Calm down!’ Arms wind around my waist, the touch bringing me back to reality. I realize that the screaming and banging is coming from me. That I’ve lost it. Smashed my hand against the glass so hard that it feels like it’s broken. Detective Stephner has got a hold of me and is trying to get me to calm down. He yells something to someone, but I can’t focus on his words. I can only concentrate on the excruciating pain, the blinding rage, the scorching hatred for the woman singing on the other side, tormenting me with her lyrics, her voice, her eyes. My veins burn with the overpowering need to break through the window and hurt her, make her pay for what she did. I’ve never felt so much in my entire life and if the detective let me go, I don’t know what I’d do. Break through the glass maybe, just to get to her.
But Detective Stephner manages to get me out of the room before that happens, and I no longer have to see the fucking devil standing ten feet away, where the only thing separating us is a thin piece of glass. Yet the rage within me blazes and scalds me from the inside and I keep fighting to get away from him.
‘Let me go!’ I kick my legs, trying to break free, and end up knocking over a chair as we step out into the cubicle area. I’m causing a commotion, but I don’t give a shit. Let them all stare – I’m used to it. ‘She killed them! That stupid fucking song!’
‘Calm down … It’s going to be okay.’ He tries to me consoling as he maneuvers me around the desks and heads toward the front area of the building.
‘Where are we going?’ I gasp for air. ‘Are you kicking me out?’ Right as we say it, we round the corner and enter the waiting room where Luke is sitting. He’s staring at the ground, his head hung low, but his focus snaps up when we enter because I’m being extremely loud.
‘What happened?’ he asks as he rushes over toward me, scanning me from head to toe.
There’s an awkward transfer as Detective Stephner hands me over to Luke and I think in his own way Detective Stephner is helping me, as if he knows Luke is the one thing I need right now. ‘I need you to come with us to my office.’
Luke’s arms wrap around my waist and it takes some of the pain away, but not all of it. ‘Why?’ Luke asks Detective Stephner.
The detective looks at Luke. ‘Because I need to talk to Violet some more, but you’re the only one who she seems to listen to. So calm her down and bring her back please so we can have a rational conversation.’
‘Asshole,’ I say, even though I’m not really angry at him. Just angry.
The Detective shoots me a warning look then walks off.
After he vanishes around the corner again, Luke pulls me closer to him, my back pressed against his chest. ‘What’d she do?’
‘She sang that stupid fucked up song … no one even asked her to … it’s like she wanted to get caught or something.’ My breathing is ravenous, my heart tremulous. Everything about me is unsteady at the moment and the only thing holding me up is him.
‘No, she wanted to fuck with your head,’ he says through gritted teeth. ‘That’s what she does.’
It’s strange to think how much he knows her, the monster standing on the other side of the glass. He’s firsthand felt her pain, felt the damage she can inflict, and as strange as it is, it makes me feel connected to him, calms me down the slightest bit.
He exhales. ‘The scream …’
‘That was me,’ I admit, struggling to breath normally again. ‘I lost it … I didn’t even know what was happening to me … I just sort of snapped.’
‘Baby … I …’
‘I’m fine.’
He places a kiss on the back of my head. ‘No you’re not. What can I do to help?’
‘You’re here … that’s enough for now.’ And I mean it. Luke is having this strange calming effect over me, like he’s holding me above the water when I feel like I’m about to drown again. ‘We should probably go back though before Detective Stephner thinks I’ve bailed.’
He nods then reluctantly releases me. I want to grab his arms and wrap them back around me, but he steps up to the side of me and slips his arm around the back of me. I look into his eyes, similar to the ones that belonged to the monster on the other glass, at least in the shape and color. But that’s it and everything else about them – everything else about him is different. He makes me feel comforted instead of utterly terrified. He makes me feel safe when no one else can.