See, this is what I’m afraid of. Losing this. What would I become if it was gone?
The answer is terrifying to think about.
Chapter 11
Luke
I heard the scream. God I heard the scream. It sounded like Violet’s and I wanted to run to her but the receptionist wouldn’t let me back. I could only breathe freely again when I see Violet again. Then Violet told me what my mother did and I expected her to leave me, walk out on me right there. But she seems to be having the opposite reaction, wanting to be closer to me instead of further away.
She lets me lead her back to Detective Stephner’s office, my arm around her back and her head resting against my shoulder. She’s practically glued to my side, which I one hundred percent don’t mind. I just wish it was under different circumstances. Wish it wasn’t for this.
The rundown from the detective is quick. Even though he doesn’t full-out say it, he basically tells us that right now there’s probably enough evidence to build a case against Mira and that things will start to move. They are going to be questioning her, to try and find out who the other person was at Violet’s house that night.
After the detective is finished, he dismisses us¸ but stops me before I walk out. He kind of guides me back into the room as Violet wanders out into the cubicle area, unaware that the detective has pulled me back. ‘Just so you know, when this gets going, you might be contacted to be a witness … from both parties. I thought I’d let you know, considering,’ he nods his head in Violet’s direction.
I know what he’s saying. That not only could I help put my mom behind bars, but I could also help free her. Like I would ever do that. But the idea of going up in front of her to help put her away has me feeling like the scared little boy inside me, the one that grew up with that horrendous woman. Could I do it? Get up on a stand and talk about my mother with her sitting there watching me?
‘Thanks for the warning,’ I tell the detective then walk out of his office, my head swimming with thoughts, a lot that make me hate myself for being so fucking weak, so afraid of the woman who raised me – or the woman who I lived with when I was younger. Raised doesn’t seem like the right word at all.
‘What was that about?’ Violet asks as I walk past the cubicles and up to her.
I circle my arms around her waist. ‘Nothing. He just wanted me to keep an extra eye on you.’
‘You already do enough for me.’ She rests her head against my chest. ‘What more could you do?’
‘A lot, lot more,’ I assure her as we start for the door. ‘Come on, let’s get you home.’
‘Home sounds good.’ She sounds as exhausted as I feel.
A few minutes later, we’re in my truck, getting ready to drive down the road toward home. I’m about to pull out onto the street, when I notice Violet is cradling her arm against her chest.
I tap on the brake and stop in the exit area. ‘Wait. What happened to your arm?’
Violet blinks her attention away from the window, looks down at her arm, then back at me. ‘Oh … I hit it against the window when Mira sang … I can’t even really remember doing it … I just sort of lost it.’ Her eyes flash with an unnerving frustration that sends a chill down my spine. ‘See, this is why I have to do the things I do, Luke.’ She raises her arm and winces. ‘Otherwise I end up snapping and lose my shit.’
I want to be comforting, but I can’t when she’s talking about hurting herself. ‘There are other ways. Trust me, I know … remember how much I used to get into fights and I haven’t in a while. It’s because I found something else.’
‘Like what? ‘
‘Working out. School. Taking care of myself.’ I pause. ‘You.’
She frowns at the last thing I say. ‘I don’t want to be a chore for you.’
‘A chore? That’s what you think you are?’ I shake my head when she doesn’t answer then shove the truck into park and scoot across the seat toward her. I’m not even sure what I’m going to say, what I want to say, but stuff just starts pouring out. ‘First off, you’re anything but I chore. I lov … like being there for you.’ I hold her arm in my hand and she winces from my touch but her muscles unstiffen. ‘I just don’t want you hurting yourself anymore.’ I shut my mouth and concentrate on examining her arm. I plan on keeping my lips sealed, but there’s something in me, a pressure building and I need to let it out somehow. Maybe it’s because I told her I loved her today, that it’s had some sort of snowball effect, but whatever the hell it is my mind goes fucking crazy and my mouth continues to say things it shouldn’t. ‘We could be good … me and you … good together. And my mom’s going to jail now … we’ll make sure she’s behind bars forever …’ Another loud breath. ‘And I know there’s so much more shit ahead for us, so many more things to deal with, but I just need you to take care of yourself better. We can work on it, you and I, together. Getting better, I mean.’ I stop talking, shocked as fuck that all that shit came barreling out of my mouth. Apparently tonight is confessional night with all the shit I’m putting out there.
It’s quiet for a while and it takes me some time to let my gaze lift, after pouring out my heart and soul like that. Her eyes are unreadable, her expression neutral, her body still. I have no idea what she’s thinking, but fuck, I wish I could just once know what she’s really thinking.
‘I’ll try,’ she finally utters, her voice barely audible. She’s not looking at me, but out the window at the streetlights and closed buildings.
‘Promise me you will,’ I say, sketching my finger along her wrist. She may look completely calm, but her pulse is hammering underneath my touch – she’s terrified on the inside.
She swallows hard but still doesn’t look at me. ‘Yeah, okay. I promise.’
I’m not sure if I believe her – hate that it’s like that. But all I can do is hope that she’s telling the truth and be there for her if she’s not.
Chapter 12
Luke
The next few days go by fast, probably because I have a lot on my mind. Violet, school, my mother, Violet, the case, Violet, the game, Violet.
Violet.
Violet.
Violet.
She consumes me more than anything else. I worry about her, want her near me at all times, but that’s kind of been a problem since she seems to be putting some space between us ever since the night at the police station. I’m not sure if it has to do with my mom or that my mouth didn’t want to shut up; that all that emotional shit I put on her was too much.