Tane and Parker walk into the lounge room, side by side. Parker looks up at him, then copies the way Tane pulls at the bottom of his t-shirt. I sigh heavily. I have no idea what Tane’s going to tell my son; I just hope Parker doesn’t get too upset. I have no idea how he’s going to take this, or how much of it he’s going to understand completely.
I last a whole minute before I change my mind about being in that room with them.
Screw this.
I turn the tap off and quickly dry my hands on the closest hand towel. I know Tane wants to do this alone, but I need to be there. This should be a family discussion.
I walk into the lounge room. Their conversation ceases at my entrance, so I take a seat opposite them and nod at Tane for him to continue. He watches me a moment, giving me a gentle look, then turns back to Parker.
“I know you’ve only met me a few times, but I’m going to be spending a lot of time with you from now on …” Tane says, swallowing. “I hope you don’t mind me spending time here?”
Parker shakes his head. “I like it. You’re fun.”
Tane grins a little at that. “I’m glad you think so. I think you’re fun too.”
“I like beating you at shooting games,” Parker adds, then turns to me with a guilty look on his face. My eyes narrow on Tane, who shrugs as if he has no idea what Parker is talking about.
Typical.
“Do you know what a dad is, Parker?”
Parker nods enthusiastically. “Bobby has a dad.”
I bite my lip to stop it from quivering. Bobby is his best friend, and he likes to talk about him a lot. Everything is Bobby this and Bobby that, but I haven’t heard him talk about dads before. We’ve never really discussed it, other than when I told him that his dad lives somewhere else. He didn’t ask why, just nodded and accepted it.
“Lots of my friends have dads, but I don’t. Mum said my dad lives somewhere else. Instead I have Uncle Gage and Uncle Levi.”
That comment slices my chest open. I don’t want to look at Tane’s face, but I do. He looks pained. Guilt and regret flash in his eyes. He looks down and then back to Parker’s face.
“Would you like to have a dad?” Tane finally asks, his eyes intense.
Parker pauses, thinking, before nodding. “Yes, I think so. Uncle Gage and Levi do lots of dad things with me, but it would be cool to have a dad live with me, like Bobby Pritchett’s does.”
Ah, crap. I wait and see what Tane says next.
“What about a dad that doesn’t live with you?” Tane implores, “but will still be there for you and will see you all the time.”
“I guess that would be okay, too,” Parker replies, shrugging his small shoulders.
“Well that’s good. Parker … because I’m your dad,” he says, his voice croaking. “I know I haven’t been here. But I will be from now on.”
Parker scrunches his nose, tilting his head to the side as he looks Tane up and down. I wonder what is going through his mind right now. I hold my breath as I wait for his response.
“How do you know that you’re my dad?” he asks, a dubious look on his face.
My lip twitches at his reaction, and I exhale slowly.
“Well, for one, we have the same eyes.”
Parker instantly gets up on the couch and leans forward, getting right in Tane’s face. He stares intently into Tane’s eyes.
“Hmm, yep, we do,” he agrees. “Where were you? Mum said you lived far away,”
Tane swallows. “Yes, I lived far away. It was my fault that I wasn’t here, but I hope you will let me make it up to you.”
We both stare at our son, waiting to see what he will say next.
Parker thinks it over. “Will you stay this time?”
My breath hitches. My darling boy.
Tane gently puts his hand on Parker’s shoulder. “Yes, I will. If you want me to.”
“Okay, you can be my dad,” Parker decides.
I watch as Tane smiles slowly, his eyes glassy. He exhales deeply, then scrubs his hand over his face. “Thank you.”
I realise tears are sliding down my face, and I wipe them away quickly, averting my gaze. Parker notices anyway. “Mum, why are you crying?”
“I’m just happy,” I tell him, kissing him on his smooth cheek. He nods, accepting my response, and then turns his body to Tane.
“Want to play with me?” Parker asks, either ignoring or not noticing the tension in the room.
“Okay,” Tane says. He turns to me. “Can I spend the day with you guys?” he asks hopefully, his eyes pleading with mine.
I nod, my voice cracking. “Sure.”
*****
“He’s amazing, Giselle,” Tane says, shaking his head in admiration. Our first ‘family’ day out had been a success. We spent the day at the local indoor play centre. I’d been shocked when Tane actually got on the equipment with Parker to play with him. Watching them together melted my heart. Tane did so well with Parker, and I could tell Parker already adored him.
Parker had been dozing off on the way home, tired from his antics, so he was now in his bed, napping. I’m starting to cook dinner, chopping onions, while Tane sits on the stool opposite my bench.
“I know,” I reply with a wink, grinning proudly.
Tane smiles. “I’m serious. He’s smart and well-mannered, but he’s quick and sneaky too.”
I smile in return but say nothing. It saddens me that Tane missed so much, but knowing how much he’s enjoying getting to know Parker makes me happy that they have the opportunity to make up for lost time. Better now than never.