Guilt. Regret. Confusion. Love. Loss.
“I never stopped thinking about you, I just knew I didn’t deserve you,” he finally says in a quiet voice. “No other woman will ever have anything on you, Giselle. Never.”
I puff out a breath. “That’s hard to believe when they get more from you than I ever did.”
Now he looks hurt. “What did they get? My body for one night? You got everything else, Giselle. My dreams, my heart. My future. My past. My every f**king thought.”
“Your words and actions don’t match up. Actions mean much more to me. Now why don’t you just go to whoever you will end up with tonight?” I say, regretting the words the moment they leave my mouth.
His face falls. “I’m not seeing anyone tonight. I’m going straight home.”
“A bit out of your way, isn’t it? Coming to see me?” I ask, knowing it is. The beach is about a twenty-minute drive from here.
Tane shrugs and says, “It was worth it.”
I narrow my eyes on him. “What was?”
“Seeing you. I missed your charming personality,” he adds sarcastically.
“Ha, ha. I save this charm just for you,” I drawl.
“I can see that. Why is that, exactly?” he asks, tilting his head to the side. The motion causes his hair to hide one of his pale-green eyes.
“You’re just lucky, I guess,” I mumble.
“I’m sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry for the Keira thing. But we weren’t together then; you can’t really hold that against me.”
“We aren’t together now either,” I point out.
“Not yet,” he says as he opens my car door for me.
“Not ever,” I say stubbornly under my breath. He ignores it, though I know he heard me.
“I’ll follow you to Gage’s, make sure you get there safely,” he says, his tone commanding no argument.
“That’s not necessary, Tane,” I say with an eye roll. “Unless one of your groupies comes hunting me down, I think I’ll be just fine.”
“No arguing, Giselle,” he says sternly.
“You just came from there,” I argue, pushing away my embarrassment.
The man is being ridiculous right now. I’m so confused. I must have been just another number to him. A number he probably doesn’t even remember.
Great. Someone please kill me now.
I hop into the car, and stiffen when Tane leans in to kiss me on the cheek. I pull away from his touch and I see him frown, but he says nothing as he shuts the door. He mimes for me to lock the door, and I do with a frown. Since when does he care so much about my welfare? I mean he used to when we were younger, but this is the new Tane. And the new Tane is a selfish jerk. Right?
At least, that’s what I try to tell myself.
*****
Tane
She drives away, and I follow her.
I want her so f**king much.
Little Giselle, the most special girl I have ever met. There has always been something about her. But do I think I’m ready for a commitment?
For Giselle, I could be.
She doesn’t have to know about the things I’ve done, the person I became after I left Perth. I wasn’t in a good place then. While Giselle isn’t the type to judge, or at least, she wasn’t, I still don’t want her thinking of me like that. My past needs to stay buried in the past.
When I was at Gage and Levi’s earlier, they mentioned a few things about Giselle. The things she’s been through, being a single mother. But they said she never complains. She loves Parker unconditionally, just like my mother did me.
I always thought Giselle would be an amazing mother. She’s selfless, nurturing, and gentle. She’s a beautiful person, inside and out.
And I want her.
I follow her to Gage’s and wish I could join her there. Instead, I wait for her to get safely inside and then drive to my beach house. My backyard is literally the ocean. Gage, Levi, and I grew up surfing together and spending every spare minute we could by the beach. I bought this place with that in mind. However, none of us loved surfing more than Levi. He is amazing at it, too; he was asked to compete professionally before I left. I wonder what happened with that.
I park my Land Rover Discovery and jump out, not exactly looking forward to being alone. I like to keep myself busy, keep my mind occupied. It’s when I let my mind wander that I think of other things. Of my past. I don’t need that shit.
I lock the front door behind me and head straight into the bathroom for a long, steaming-hot shower. Over the years, I’ve thought about Giselle a lot. Was she happy? What was she doing? Did she miss me? I didn’t expect our reunion to be like this. But I don’t really know what I expected. I turned my back on my old life, and that included her. I’m a f**k-up, in more ways than one. I’ve always loved her. We’ve been in each other’s lives since I can remember. All my fond childhood memories have her in them. I always hoped we’d end up together. And I want to make that happen.
I realise that her and Parker are a package deal, and that’s okay with me. He’s a part of her. I don’t know how good of a father figure I could be, but I’d be willing to try.
Do I deserve a chance at happiness?
After I’m dressed in a pair of shorts, I jump into my ridiculously large bed and pick up the book by my nightstand. Books are my new means of escape. They are also something for me to do when I can’t sleep, which is happening more often than not. They don’t turn me into someone else; they don’t hurt anyone I care about.