I'm also confused about Cillian because some things are getting turned around in my head. For example, I thought a lasting relationship came from finding a man that was stable in his career. That translated to me someone that practiced commitment, hard work, and dedication. I thought Cormac was the epitome of those traits, and yet the only thing he was committed to was apparently deceiving his wife and me.
Cillian on the other hand?
Well, at first glance, he seems everything that would be antithetical to my wants. He's a rocker, he lives on the road for much of the year, and he lives a party lifestyle. He's arrogant, sometimes rude, and he's trying to sexually dominate me. I should not want any part of those things.
Yet, and I find this to be completely ironic, Cillian has achieved great success in his young years. And the only way he could have achieved that is through commitment, hard work, and dedication.
Confusing indeed.
And, most stressful of all, has been the fact that I have not stopped thinking about the way Cillian kissed me... the way my body and mind reacted to that kiss. It may have been short but it was explosive. At least, to me it was.
Cillian I'm not sure about since I haven't heard from him and I feel like I'm getting the brush off. If that's the case, that will make twice this man has turned fickle on me, which doesn't help the battered self-esteem Cormac left behind.
If I was a smart girl, I would steer clear of Cillian O'Bradaigh and hope his interest in me has worn off.
Trying to put all these thoughts out of my mind, I flop on my couch and pick up a magazine. I'm bored yet I have no energy to get up and do anything. Teagan had a seminar to attend in London and Cady went with her for a few days, so I'm pathetically hiding out in my apartment on my day off.
When my doorbell rings, I roll off the couch and shuffle to the front door. Looking through the peephole, my heart picks up its pace when I see Cillian on the other side. I have no clue why he's here. I don't know whether to be mad he's ignored me, or terribly excited that he's come by.
Taking a deep breath, I open the door. I don't even have time to sort out my feelings because Cillian's hands snake out. One wraps around my waist and the other cups the back of my head, pulling me to him. His mouth covers mine and he literally bends me backward, giving me the deepest, hottest kiss I've ever had in my life. The moment his tongue invades my mouth, he lets out a groan that seems to emanate from deep inside of him and that sound completely melts my insides. I don't want to, but my hands do what they want and wrap around his neck to hang on.
The kiss is demanding, and yet he seems to be seeking something from me. Something more than just the immediate gratification of his desire.
But no sooner has the kiss started then Cillian straightens up his body, pulling me up flush with him. His kiss lightens until he's just nibbling on my lips, an action I find to be sexy and endearing at the same time. He finally pulls his lips away and rests his forehead against mine.
"God, I needed that," he says. He sounds tired.
I pull away to look at him. "Where have you been?" I hope my question sounds merely curious and not accusing in any way.
He releases me and rubs the back of his neck with one hand, as if he has the weight of the world resting there.
"I had some crap to take care of. Can I come in?"
Crap to take care of? And that was more important than calling me or seeing me, especially after we shared that pantie-shredding kiss?
I cross my arms over my chest and block the entrance to my apartment. Now that his body is removed from mine, some of my common sense is returning. I'm now remembering why I tend to shy away from men like Cillian. He's too unpredictable. Unreliable. He has the power to disappoint me.
"I don't think that's a good idea," I say, hoping my words don't betray the desire my body is still feeling and very much wants to invite him in.
He tilts his head to the side and narrows his dark eyes at me. "The way you kissed me just now says different. Why the cold shoulder?"
My own eyes narrow back at him. "Cold shoulder? I find it funny you would accuse me of that."
Cillian sighs and rubs his neck again. "Look. I'm sorry I haven't been to see you. But something important did come up. Trust me when I say I would have rather been with you. I would have rather been anywhere than where I was."
Something about his voice weakens my resolve just a bit. I don't know if he would have rather been with me, but I don't doubt by the tone of his voice that he did not enjoy whatever it was he was doing. "Come on in and I'll make some tea. And you can tell me all about it."
I step aside to let him pass but he doesn't move. "It's not something I really want to talk about."
Um... yeah... that's just not going to do.
"Then you can just be on your merry way then. You kissed me the other night, Cillian, and it was good. No, that's not right. It was great. It was a kiss that told me something better was to come. It was a kiss that convinced me to possibly give you a chance. But I'll be damned if I'm going to be strung along and I'll be damned if I'm going to be available for your whims. You can either convince me that the something else was more important, or you can get the hell gone."
I hold my breath, waiting for his reaction. I'm not even sure if I really care which direction he will choose. Part of me wants to expand my horizons and see what this insane attraction is that’s brewing between us. But another part of me, the part that is still the safe, responsible Renner Caldwell, wants him to turn tail and run. That ultimately would be the easiest on me.