Relief surges through me and I reach over to pull her back into my arms. "Of course I will, darlin'. I'll be by your side every step of the way."
"You promise?"
"Yes. I promise."
***
I stayed with Maeve in the hospital for a few more hours then I got to work. I spent the majority of the time making phone calls trying to find a facility to get her. Then I went to her apartment to get her packed. I had to spend a few hours doing laundry for her, but by the time I left, I had enough stuff to last her for several weeks. The facility I found, Dublin Mind Wellness, specializes in drug and alcohol addiction and they are asking that she commit to at least thirty days in-patient, but they said it could be longer.
I called Sean and Daniel and had them meet me. I told them what was going on and they, of course, supported Maeve in this quest to get better. We all couldn't help but notice that this happened at the perfect time, since we were taking the summer off. It was our collective hope that she would be well on her way to a full recovery by the time we were ready to start recording again in the Fall. I left the guys with Sean promising he'd call our manager to let him know what was going on. He was on holiday somewhere in Germany but he shouldn't have any trouble getting up with him.
When I finally picked up Maeve from the hospital, she looked a bit steadier and more resolved. I was pleased to see this and was actually feeling hopeful for her future.
We make small talk on the short drive over to Dublin Mind Wellness, but the talk turns serious the closer we get.
"I can't do this without you, Cillian."
"And you won't have to," I assure her.
"I'm depending on you."
"I know. But you have to learn to depend on yourself, too." I take her hand and give it a soft squeeze before releasing it.
"I will. It will be easy, as long as I know you're with me. You're really all I have."
I don't like the sound of that. I want to be there for Maeve, and I will support her endeavors to get healthy one-hundred percent. But there is a small part of me that wonders if she can truly let go of what I'm now wondering may be an obsession with me. I surely hope so, because I can't continue down this path of self-destruction with her. I can only be a friend to her and I hope that's enough. I make a mental note to myself to talk with her doctor about it, and make sure that I say the right things to her. That I'm able to encourage and support her without leading her on.
The check-in process goes smoothly and I even get to go with Maeve to see her room. I stay for a few minutes, but then decide it's best to leave so she can get used to her new environment.
She walks into me for a hug, laying her head on my chest.
"You're going to be fine, Maeve. I just know it. You just have to be strong and come back to us healthy."
She nods her head up and down, snuggling further into me. Her h*ps press into mine. It's a move that doesn't seem so friend-like anymore so I place a quick kiss on her cheek and pull back. Her eyes darken a bit, but then she smiles. "Remember, Cillian. You promised to be by my side through this."
Something oily and unsettling lodges in my chest over her tone. I'm afraid her idea of support and mine may be two different things, but I'm sure now is not the time to hash it out with her. Her doctor promised that we would talk by phone in a few days and I would ask him how to handle this with her.
Giving a smile to Maeve, I leave her room and head down the hall. My thoughts immediately go to Renner and I wonder what she's doing. I've missed seeing her the last two days, a sentiment that is made only stronger by the extreme crappiness I've been embroiled in during that time.
CHAPTER 7
Renner
It's been a stressful couple of days for me. Cormac keeps texting me and I haven't responded. It's not that I don't want to.
It's that I don't know how to.
I have no clue what to say, and my feelings are all over the place.
His words sound so sincere... so promising. There is a small part of me that feels a pull toward him. I mean, we had a great six months together. I believe there was love there, even though he lied to me.
Now he's telling me that he wants to make it work. Well, for that to be true, that means he had to have left his wife. Is that what he's really saying? Or perhaps she left him. The thought that he is pursuing me should make me feel flattered. Yet, this whole situation really makes me feel sort of sick with despair. I had moved on from this part of my life, and now the wound has been re-opened.
Cormac didn't just lie to me about being married. He lied about the entire nature of our relationship. He threw me under the bus, and didn't look back to see the damage he inflicted. Well, at least he didn't look back until now.
I'm also slightly annoyed because I haven't seen or heard from Cillian in two days. I'm annoyed at him for ignoring me, particularly after he had been so patiently stalking me, and especially after that kiss.
I'm annoyed at myself for being annoyed, because that kiss really didn't mean anything. I specifically remember that night, when I demanded he kiss me, I did so with the thought in my mind that this would be a one-time only thing. Just to satisfy my curiosity, so to speak.
After he had left, it only took me about an hour to reason to myself that, while the kiss was mind blowing and potentially off the charts, orgasm inducing, I really shouldn't get involved with him. He's dangerous, because for some reason, he has the innate power to control me beyond any sound reasoning. While my mind is exhibiting sound judgment right now, I'm afraid my body is going to rebel if I'm in his presence again.