“We are separated Ryan. Why would I?” I say softly, trying to soften the blow of my harsh words. “Besides neither do you,” I add, having noticed it before. I swear the man suffers from a bad case of double standards.
“Right,” he says, dragging out the word. He glances down at my hand, as if the ring will magically pop back on my finger. “I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”
I purse my lips, unable to hide my agitation. “What happens if you come over and I have someone over?”
The instant the words leave my mouth, Ryan’s smile drops and the atmosphere in the room changes, becoming thicker and almost stifling.
“The same thing that happened last time I saw you with a man, I guess,” he says flippantly, but I don’t miss the underlying threat in his voice. He is unbelievable, he really is. After everything that happened between us, he has no right to act like this. He makes my blood boil.
“I guess I’ll just have to find someone who is stronger than you,” I reply, trying to keep my face passive.
“Yeah, good luck with that,” he replies, the cockiness in his tone igniting me off further. I know for a fact Ryan is a brutal fighter. He hardly ever fights, but when he does…
“Are you here just to piss me off?” I ask, staring straight into his eyes. His hypnotic blue eyes.
“No,” he says softly, the heat in his voice dissipating. “I just wanted to see you, is all.”
The way he says it, his voice sounding small, makes me feel like the worst person in the world. Yes, I’m trying to save myself, but I don’t want Ryan to hurt either.
“Okay. So how’s life,” I ask him, trying to be friendly. I can do this. I can sit across from this man and act as if he didn’t rip my heart out and hand it to me, right?
His lip twitches as I use small talk as my version of an olive branch. “Life is good. How does it feel to be back in Perth?”
“Good actually,” I admit. I’d missed my mother, and the reason I actually returned was that she was getting older now, her health wasn’t so good. I wanted to be with her, close to her, in case she needed me for anything. Stubborn woman that she is, she won’t admit it when she needs help.
“How was South Africa?” he asks, looking genuinely interested. South Africa is like a second home to me. I was born in Capetown, and have visited every year or so since I was a baby. I spent time with my family, especially my cousins, and did a lot of volunteer work to both help out and to keep myself busy. I also worked at my Auntie’s clothing store to make some extra money. I spent the year trying my best not to think about Ryan, but no matter the distance, he wasn’t far from my thoughts. Which just plain pissed me off. I always said I wasn’t going to be one of those girls. Pining away over a man who frankly didn’t deserve me. Once trust is broken, there is always a small part of you that won’t forget, won’t forgive, no matter what you say or how much you try. It really is one of those things that you work hard to get, and can lose in a blink of a second. I wish I was stronger, but I’m not. If I was, I wouldn’t be feeling butterflies in my stomach by just being in his presence.
“Good. I enjoyed the change of scenery,” I tell him, relaxing back into the plush couch.
“Are you going back any time soon?” he asks, a little hesitantly. My eyes zoom in on his mouth. Oh, that mouth. It always knew exactly what it was doing. Ryan clears his throat, and my eyes move up to meet his. He smirks at me knowingly, clearly feeling more confident after my show of weakness.
I bite the inside of my cheek before I answer, “Nope. I’m here to stay.”
“Okay,” he says, smiling widely.
I narrow my eyes. “Look, I don’t know what your end game is but…”
He raises his hands up in innocence. “Can’t I visit an old friend without suspicion?”
“Oh, so now I’m an old friend?” I ignore the pang of hurt that his comment incites. This is what I want. I don’t have the right to feel upset.
“Well, even before we got married you were my best friend, so yeah. You will always be that to me, even if you’re nothing else.”
Is he saying that when we get divorced, he still wants to be friends? I don’t know how to feel about that.
“Taiya, I’m heading out,” Isis says as she walks into the room. She has a backpack hitched on one shoulder, and is dressed in jeans and a loose white top.
“Isis this is Ryan,” I introduce.
Isis purses her lips. “Right, the husband. The one you failed to mention.”
I sigh. I can feel a long lecture happening in the near future.
“Nice to meet you, Ryan,” Isis says, now smiling. She tilts her head to look at me. “I’ll be back in a few hours. You want anything?”
I shake my head. “I’m good, thanks. I’ll message you if I do.”
“All right,” she says, blowing me a kiss before walking out. I hear the door lock behind her, making me realise I’m now officially alone with my soon-to-be ex-husband. He must realise it too, because he starts to chuckle softly.
“Want to go out for dinner?” he suddenly asks, after a few seconds of silence. He studies me, anticipating my answer.
“No, thanks, maybe next time,” I tell him.
Like when hell freezes over.
“It’s just a meal,” he says, raising an eyebrow, almost daring me.
“I know that,” I say slowly, enunciating each word.