Prologue
The past
James
I step out of my car, and scan the area surrounding the house. The front door opens, and Danielle walks to the front steps, wearing a house robe. Her gaze darts back and forth cautiously as she approaches. Her blonde hair is loose and messy, her makeup smudged around her eyes. I quickly make my way towards her, not wanting her to be seen.
You should be inside, Danielle, I chastise, but it's not harsh. I'd never raise my voice at this woman.
“I know, James. I just wanted to thank you. I finally did it… We finally did it,” she whispers as she kisses me softly on the cheek. "I wrap an arm around her."
Come on, let’s get inside, I encourage. We walk inside together, and I lock the door.
I’m making some coffee, she says, heading into the kitchen.
I’m about to follow her when someone knocks on the door. I open it and come face to face with the last person I expect to see right now.
“James, what are you doing here?” Sasha asks, bemused. I think for the first time in my life I’m speechless.
“James, who is it?” Danielle calls out in a worried voice.
“It’s no one,” I call back to her, then cringe when I realise what I said.
“No one?” Sasha repeats, the pain in her voice evident.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Sasha,” I say, instantly wanting to erase the hurt from her eyes.
“James, why are you here? Who is this woman?” she demands, her voice gaining steel.
“I can’t do this right now, okay. You need to go home,” I tell her, trying to convey with my eyes how important it is that she follows my instructions. I clench my fists, wanting nothing more than to take Sasha in my arms right now, but I don’t. I can’t. I have a responsibility. Sasha will understand, I'll explain everything to her when I’m able to do it. It’s just not a possibility right now. When tears cloud her eyes, I swallow hard. One thing I can’t take is women’s tears, which is probably what brought me to where I am today.
“Go,” I mouth to her, hiding as much emotion as I can.
“James, what's going on?” Danielle asks, her voice unsure.
“Sasha, you need to leave,” I demand harshly.
“Oh, I’ll go alright. Goodbye, James,” Sasha says with finality, turning around and running to her car.
She doesn’t look back.
***
Chapter One
The present
James
I love Layla. I really do, but right now I want to strangle her. She is flittering around my kitchen, cooking up a storm. Now, that is a good thing. In fact, she comes here just to spoil me with my favorite baked goods. The issue lies with the music she’s blaring out of her iPod. The play list title should be ‘depressed’ or maybe ‘heart-broken’. 'Miserable' would work, too.
Layla, you know I love you, but seriously? I tell her when I can’t take it anymore.
“There's a price for everything, James,” Layla muses with a cheeky smile.
“And?” I ask her when she says no more.
“And, the price for me coming over and slaving in the kitchen for you is that I get to choose the music,” she adds cheerfully. I narrow my eyes at her, and for a second contemplate if it's even worth it. Then I smell something delicious as she opens the oven, and I realise it sure as hell is.
This song is the worst so far, because it makes me think of her. It makes my stomach clench, my heart beat faster. I walk over to Layla’s dreaded hot pink iPod and glance at the song title. ‘What If’ by Babyface.
Fucking hell, it’s like my own personal thoughts about Sasha put into a soppy love song. The lyrics keep getting worse as the song goes on. When the lines about not being able to move on are sung I get up and walk out of the room. What if?
What if, indeed.
What if I still had Sasha?
What if I were still happy?
What if I didn’t f**king miss her every day?
What if I didn’t let my job push away the woman I love?
I curse and pick up my phone, dialing the number. “Tatiana, I’m coming over.”
***
I knock on Tatiana’s door, and wait for her to open it. I met her about a year ago at work. She's a stunner. Chin length blonde hair, expressive blue eyes, and a figure that’s lithe and strong, yet curvy in all the right places. Over the last two months, we’ve been working together and gotten pretty close. One night after work we went out for drinks and ended up in bed. She’s been hinting at wanting for us to get serious, committed, but I don’t think I’m ready for that, and I know why.
Sasha. Layla is always bringing her up, talking about her, so it makes it even harder to move on. About a month after Nikki’s wedding, Sasha took off around the globe somewhere. Scotland, I think. I once had a lot of missed calls from an international number, which must have been her. I was working, so I was unreachable at that time. Layla and Nikki both told me Sasha was trying to get in touch with me, but I didn’t call her back. The reason for this was simple. I was trying to get over her. Layla once let it slip that she saw a picture of Sasha with someone called Jye, and that Jye was ‘so gorgeous.’ I hope I never have to meet this Jye character. I want Sasha happy, but I don’t think I could ever bare to actually see her with another man.
The door opens and Tatiana smiles when she sees me. She's wearing a pair of jeans and a plain cotton white shirt. She looks adorable. Tatiana is a nice girl, she fits into my life. Right?