They didn’t burden me with questions they knew I didn’t want to answer, or ask Nick about a job they already knew from me, and probably Thea, that he hated. We simply shared how we all missed each other and they asked me if I was still getting new memories back. I lied and said yes. Hopefully, Thea knew better than to rat me out on that front. Surely she wanted them to worry less, too.
It was amazing how little could be said in five minutes, but I felt better that we made the call. Judging by their smiles and the way my mother swept fleeting tears off her cheeks, they really did need this interaction. And again I couldn’t help but wonder why it didn’t emotionally affect me the way it did everyone else. The thought didn’t sit well with me. It haunted me well into the night after both Nick and Thea had long fallen asleep.
7
I was all for Megan driving Thea to the airport this morning. If Thea had anything more to say about how I was controlling what Megan did or that I was practically imprisoning her myself, she could shove it all into an email that would go straight to my trash bin where it belonged. I knew it wasn’t fair to Megan’s family, but I was doing the best I could to keep her safe. And unfortunately, sacrifices had to be made by everyone. It wasn’t like I wanted to give up my dream job, but I did.
The two of them woke me up as they shuffled around the house around five. It was already five-thirty by the time they left, so there was no point in trying to go back to sleep for the forty-five minutes I had left until the alarm went off. I brewed a pot of coffee and pulled the laptop off the coffee table and booted it up. Megan didn’t know, but there was a program on our computer that tracked everything she did. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her to be safe, but it worried me the way she always deleted her browsing history when I knew she’d been on it.
I activated the program and scanned the list of pages and searches she’d been doing. Hidden cameras, self-defense moves, circuitry things. God, even sex trafficking. I didn’t click on any of the links. I wasn’t doing this to completely invade her privacy. Sometimes I just needed to know what was going on inside her head. I logged back off and slid the laptop beneath the sofa. Right next to the book she didn’t think I knew about. I kneeled down and scanned the three inches of space. Just the one book still. Thank God. I hated that she felt compelled to research these things, but I understood why she did it. And if gaining some knowledge helped her get through it all, I’d continue to keep my weary opinion of it to myself. She was on the verge of coming back to me. That was good enough for me. It had to be.
I knew she’d never make it back before I left for work, so I left the wrapped rectangular box on the kitchen island where I knew she’d find it, right in front of the bar stool she always dropped her bag in. I could see the smile it’d bring her inside my mind. I’d love to be here to witness it firsthand, but I wanted her birthday present to be waiting for her when she got back home. I couldn’t be here. Thea wouldn’t be here. She’d be all alone after having constant company for two days, and I worried the sudden silence might disturb her.
After suffering through another boring day of excel sheets and speaking with clients who didn’t want to be speaking with me, filling my head with excuses for non-payment, I was happy to come back home. Megan had texted me this morning with Thank you! It’s beautiful!, and knowing I’d get to come home and see her was the only thing getting me through the day.
She was there to greet me at the door, the silver necklace I gave her around her neck. It had a tiny bubbled heart and a Japanese symbol, also made of silver, hanging side by side. “Hi,” she said heavenly, reaching around my neck and pulling me down for a soft kiss to the lips. My insides were fighting me, wanting to open her mouth with mine and deepen the kiss, but I couldn’t be the one to start that. She had to do it. In her own time.
Which unfortunately wasn’t tonight. She pulled away too soon, but kept our bodies pressed together. “You’re killing me. I’ve tried looking it up but there’s like a jillion symbols. What does it mean?”
I wet my lips and chuckled, making her wait even longer. She had tried to get it out of me this morning through texts, but I told her I wouldn’t say until I got home. She tried again this afternoon but I still wouldn’t budge.
The moment I stepped through the door I smelled something delicious. Megan never cooked, and what few times she attempted it, delicious was never a word I would’ve use to describe even the smell. The chef in me was curious. “What smells so good?”
I tried to step sideways once I spotted the crock pot, but she held on fast. “Oh, no you don’t. Tell me first.”
My grin was still echoing the laughter that died down. I lifted the delicate necklace with my finger before letting it fall back against the hollow of her neck. I leaned down to kiss the skin beside it. When her neck extended, I took it as an invitation to make my way up. Reaching her ear, I said, “It means strength. Something you already have plenty of, but I thought you could use a daily reminder of why you’re still here.”
And not locked somewhere in a basement.
Or broken, like she liked to say about that girl she was imprisoned with.
It was why she was able to leave the house by herself now. Why she had the will to learn to defend herself.
She was the epitome of strength. How she held onto it so strongly through it all, I didn’t know. But I knew she’d never give up no matter what. She always fought to find her way back home again, even when she didn’t realize she had one.
She brought her lips to mine again, filling me with love and excitement as she finally deepened our kiss for the first time in months. My hands slipped upward, coming to rest on the sides of her face. I was slowly feeling complete again, a subtle warmth infusing itself in my chest, then elsewhere throughout my midsection. I fought my fingers from moving on to dig into her hair, to grip the back of her head and pull her in more tightly, from letting my tongue slip out to find hers for that reunion it desperately ached for.
I could sense she was close to ending it, lessening the intensity of kiss after kiss. I moaned and put our foreheads together when she finally released. Baby steps, I reminded myself. If that was all she could handle right now, then it was enough for me.
Enough.
My head twisted sideways, once again noticing the crock pot as bubbles squeezed their way past the lid. “Seriously. What’s for dinner?”
She let out an uncomfortable giggle, sliding her hands down to land and push off my chest. Reluctantly, I let her go as she went to check on it, steam billowing up in a huge wispy cloud. “Don’t worry. I’m sure this is fine. I just bought one of those pre-seasoned pot roasts and threw some carrots in. We still need to make the mashed potatoes though.”
“I’ll get it,” I replied, automatically reaching into the cabinet for a stock pot.
“No,” she said firmly, giving me the stink eye as she put the lid back down. “I’ll do it. Go get changed.” My forehead furrowed curiously. “Don’t give me that look,” she replied defiantly. “I promise I’m capable of boiling and whipping potatoes. They may not come out as creamy as yours but they’ll still taste the same.” I continued with my reaction, my lips now disappearing into my mouth to keep me from verbally rebutting. “Okay, fine! I’ll let you season them when they’re ready, alright?”
I blew out a breath and softened my face. With a teasing chuckle, I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. “Tell you what. I’ll tell you how to go about seasoning them and you can still do it.”
“Deal,” she answered with a wicked smile of her own.
8
I liked having coffee with Maggie. In a sense it was odd because we both knew the other was damaged irrevocably in some way, but neither of us ever said why. And we didn’t need to. Here, sitting inside this quaint little tea and coffee shop, was the normality we both desperately sought. That one moment in a day filled with anxiety and fear when we could sit with someone who wouldn’t make us feel like the victim we were.
No questions we didn’t want to answer.
No pity.
Just two women whose innocence was taken too soon, sitting side by side like we would’ve done long ago as friends.
“Thanks for meeting me before class this time. I’ve gotta go to my parents for dinner tonight.”
“That’s fine,” I replied, sipping the warm latte between my hands. “I’ll probably need the caffeine kick to endure another one of those dull classes anyways.”
“Right? I thought self-defense class would be more hands-on than this. I get that we need to be more proactive about observing our environment and just avoiding bad situations, but trust me. I’ve already learned that lesson all on my own.”
I think a normal couple of girls could actually chuckle at that. But we weren’t normal anymore. And we didn’t take it lightly.
“I wouldn’t mind learning a little more combative moves myself. I’m not sure that I’d ever actually be able to beat off someone determined, but it’d be nice to know I wouldn’t just lie down and take it.”
Maggie took a sip of her tea and sighed, leaning back in the vibrant cranberry-shaded armchair covered in crushed velvet. I was settled in its mate, but mine was an electric shade of midnight blue, like the color of the sky in Van Gogh’s Starry Night.
“So what do you do for fun?” Maggie asked, trying to sell the mild smile she flashed.
“Define fun,” I jested, taking a moment to sip my coffee. “I don’t really know anyone out here. It’s just me and Nick and he works all day. I guess I haven’t really tried to meet new people yet.”
What was the point really? I may need to flee in the dead of night. Head down, stay off the radar. That was what both Nick and I were trying to do again. Just stay hidden. Try to make a life as best we could.
Three months, eighteen days since escaping Zander. Time was waning, a cruel tick-tock echoing in my head as reminder.
Unfortunately, I sucked at being there for him just yet. He had to be as lonely as I felt. I needed to do better for him, try to let him in even more than I was already doing. He deserved that and so much more.
Suddenly my stomach felt sour. I looked down at the mug in my hand and I knew I’d wretch if I took even one more sip. As I layed it down on the table, Maggie said, “I’ve met a few nice people here this past year. It helps, you know?”
I simply nodded. Being friends with the people at Breenie’s Diner is what got me through my days before.
“Maybe you and I could go out sometime? Brave the world.” Shrugging, she added, “See a movie.”
For once the smile felt real. “I’d like that.” I needed that. “Something without violence though.”
Maggie’s eyes widened a bit as she lifted her mug in the air as if to say cheers.
Thirty minutes later we were lazily standing in an arc that formed around Annalise and the dummy we were meant to beat up on. But that dummy was harder than a man’s skin and it hurt to slam my fist into it, even with the protective handwear I sported to keep my knuckles from scuffing. Truthfully, it wasn’t exactly making me feel confident in my punches if it hurt me more than a freakin’ dummy. I mean, the damn thing hardly moved when I attacked it.
“Good,” Annalise called out regardless, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes when she wasn’t looking. I was hardly good. More like inept, and if Dr. Vitriz wasn’t riding my ass to stick with this, I probably would’ve bailed on the whole thing by now. Maggie was my only silver lining and real reason for staying, and she was about as effective against that hunk of junk as I was.
When she was done and received her obligatory well done from our instructor, she meandered her way over to me. “Don’t you just feel so empowered now?” I joked brazenly.
She chuckled a little louder than she should have, using her teeth to pull off her own gloves. When I turned back to the center, my heart felt like it took a nosedive into my stomach. Annalise was eyeing us without expression. I squirmed and looked down at my feet as they kicked and scuffed against the flooring. By the time I braved a look again, she was already helping another girl learn the move on the dummy.
“Shit,” I muttered.
“What?” Maggie asked, completely oblivious that we’d been busted.
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
I kept my mouth shut the rest of class, which went slow enough I was sure a slug could’ve slithered laps around the gym by the end. Annalise had caught my gaze several times, always expressionless, so I worried that she might’ve caught my comment as well as Maggie’s laughter. Call me chickenshit, but I hurried as quickly as I could to my bag without trying to appear like I was running away with my tail between my legs.
“Are you okay?” Maggie asked, actually sounding worried about me. “You seem off.”
I pulled my jacket on and zipped up the front, pulling my long ponytail free from the back. “No, yeah.”
Amused, Maggie asked, “So which is it?”
“Ladies,” Annalise’s voice said behind me. Maggie caught the way my eyes bugged out slightly.
Oh, shit. Lecture time.
I calmed my face and turned to face her. Hell, I was twenty, not thirteen. Surely I could take whatever she was going to dish out. She stood there with a partial smile, her hands clasped behind her back. “So how are the classes working out for you?”
“Great,” Maggie replied.
“Awesome,” I added.
Great, today of all days I was a horrible liar. And I knew I failed because Annalise cocked her eyebrow and tilted her face, giving me that look. The one that sarcastically screamed please. “I wanted to let you know that I have another class available that you can transfer into. It’s a little more hands-on. Most of the people who take this class aren’t interested in learning more than a few handy moves, but I can always spot the ones who are. So are you sure this class is suitable for your needs?”