I slammed the bottom drawer shut. Suddenly the middle drawer wasn’t looking so bad. Yeah, it was filled with a lot of see-through material, but at least most of the pieces were long enough to cover up my ass – even if barely. There was one that was solid silk instead of mesh or barely there lace, but it slit down both sides beginning at my waist. But at least my chest wouldn’t be see-through like all the others.
I had just pulled it out when I paused. I groaned inwardly, and forced myself to kneel back down. The blue silk was the safest piece in here, and he was totally expecting me to wear it. I was chastising myself for even thinking it, but I needed to prove as quickly as possible that I wanted this, that I wanted him, and that I was here to please him. He was going to force sex on me either way. And I was going to have to pretend to be okay with it. Wearing one of the more scandalous pieces would prove to him that I was trying to be what he wanted me to be.
I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, trying to ease the anxiety within. He was going to force himself on me no matter the slip. By the time I released my death grip on the silk, it was a fistful of wrinkles. I dug through the drawer again, this time pulling out a fitted mesh chemise that had a deep V design of lace around the chest. It was mostly see-through, but at least it wrapped all the way around without slits and covered my ass. But just like before, there wasn’t a single pair of underwear in the drawer. What few I saw were skimpy and only available in the third drawer, and I sure as hell wasn’t going dipping in there until I had to.
I slipped on the light red chemise and completely avoided looking at myself in the mirror. Whatever I looked like, I didn’t want to know. As I made my way out, I noticed I was two minutes over. Hopefully he didn’t check the clock for the exact minute as he left.
Even though I was over the time limit, I paused before reaching the door. My heart was already racing, panicking more and more. I tried to calm myself by making the quietest shushing sound between by teeth. Don’t cry. Think of Nick and getting back to him. Don’t cry! Don’t give him that part of you, too.
He could have the body. But nothing else.
Swallowing hard, I force my feet forward. The bedroom was dimmer than before, though the ceiling light seemed the same. Maybe that window on the forest floor had let in more light earlier than I thought. Zander was lounging in the chaise in the far corner, his elbows hitched up on the arm rests. It was incredibly odd to see him coolly leaning back, holding up a novel as he read. It almost seemed normal. Especially with the reading glasses he was wearing. It took him a second, but his head finally tilted to see past his book, realizing I had emerged from the bathroom. For a moment, he just kind of stared, then lowered his book and calmly said, “Come here.”
Even with the repeated pep talk about showing him I was into this, my arms immediately crossed protectively around my chest. Pointless, really. He’d seen me na**d plenty of times, especially when he kept me sedated – my clothes weren’t changing themselves all those times. As I approached, he removed his glasses and narrowed his eyes at me. Studying me. The silence was killing me.
Clearly suspicious, his eyes scanned downward at my chemise. He sighed, then tossed the book and glasses to the floor. Patting his thigh, he motioned silently for me to climb on. God I wished this room was even dimmer. This was never going to be easy per se, but letting him do these things in the dark would’ve made it less… I don’t know. Just less.
I awkwardly climbed on, not wanting to touch him with my hands, stretching my legs so they surrounded his thighs and not his hips. I was going to be forced onto that particular spot soon enough. My lips sucking in on themselves, I cowardly kept my eyes south of his neck line. Unfortunately, it left me staring at his sculpted pecks and abdomen, because all he was wearing was a pair of loose cotton drawstring pants. More muscles making their power known to me.
The silence between us seemed infinite.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
Confused, I answered, “I don’t understand.”
He took another exaggerated breath, but I waited him out. “A few days ago you pulled a knife on me.”
“You had a gun,” I rebutted surprisingly, my eyes even looking up to challenge. Hell, I would’ve pulled the knife regardless. That was why he was pushing the point.
He ignored me and continued with, “You were seeking a way others could track you when I came for you. Now all of a sudden you’re staying put in bindings you could easily get out of, obeying my every command and deliberately wearing something more provocative than you should feel comfortable wearing. If I didn’t know any better, I’d probably think you wanted me to screw you senseless.” My gaze fell to my thighs, where his hand was fingering the bottom of my chemise. His other hand left the arm rest to tilt my chin back up his way. “But we both know you don’t. So tell me what you’re up to, because you’re not the same Natalie who left my care last June. And keep in mind I’m pretty good at spotting the lies.”
Fuck me, what the hell was wrong with him? I was used to him being manipulative and ruthless. I didn’t know how to deal with vulnerable, which is how he was coming off right now. He seemed tired, even compassionate given the circumstances. What the hell was I supposed to do with that? I hated him, but it was like I needed him to be the biggest, ruthless ass**le ever created in order to hate him without a sliver of doubt.
I shivered and rubbed my arms for warmth as a distraction. Several times I opened my mouth to try to say something. And several times I failed, until finally I settled on, “You said you wouldn’t hurt me, if I…” I closed my eyes and looked off to the side, scratching my teeth across my bottom lip. “…if I went along with it.” My arms wrapped even more tightly around me as my gaze returned to staring at his chest. “We both know I’m not exactly here by my own free will.” Every so softly, I added, “But I’m trying.” It pained me to say that, and I let him see my vulnerability, figuring I should sell it as much as possible. “I’m trying to obey you because I don’t want to be cut or beaten anymore.” A few of those damn tears fled my eyes, and I practically choked on the words, “I mean, what else am I supposed to do?”
I left the tears alone. I decided to let him see how much this upset me, because I needed him to believe I was genuine and on my way towards acceptance and submission, and that I could possibly learn to love him with time like he claimed I would. But I wasn’t prepared for the way he gingerly reached out to hold my face and sweep the tears away with his thumbs. Or how he softly looked at me before bringing his lips to mine. He was supposed to treat me the same way he did before – like I was nothing more than a toy there for his own enjoyment until he got bored and discovered a new way to torment me. Not…this. This was a whole new game and I didn’t know the rules yet. And it had to be a game, right? No way this cruel man was capable of being gentle and vulnerable naturally.
His lips felt weird against mine. Confusing. They weren’t supposed to be warm and soft. They felt like they were actually trying to caress mine as they deepened with each kiss. Like he actually felt the passion he was trying to convey. His hands slid their way down, settling farther down than I would’ve liked. In fact, he grabbed the bottom of my bare ass and lifted, shoving my opened legs over his hips. As his hands drifted to my lower back, he gathered the mesh, pulling it higher so there was nothing between our pressed lower bodies than his cotton pants.
Against my best judgment, I forced my hands to touch his body, curling over his shoulders, but that was all I could get them to do. His lips released mine from servitude and moved down my throat. I found myself tilting my neck to stare at the ceiling, trying to at least not see what he was physically doing to me. The horrible part was that I couldn’t even afford to express my disgust even then, because he most likely had a damn camera focused in on us.
One hand pushed against my lower back, making me rock with his hips, as the other reached over to pull my arm down, taking the strap of my chemise with it. As I allowed him to cup my breast without resistance, my jaw strained to hide the uneasy feeling that spread throughout my insides – or at least the upper part of my body. The f**king lower part of me seemed to like what he was doing, and it trembled as his hand left my backside to dig inside his pants and pull himself out.
I released an uneasy moan as his fingers invaded between my legs, and my head bent to bury itself between his neck and shoulder. If he realized my moan was anything but jovial, he didn’t show it. Most likely, he didn’t give a shit either way since he was getting what he wanted. He pulled down the other side of my chemise and the material gathered around my waist. At least it kept me from seeing as he lifted me up and brought me down on him. I involuntarily moaned the same time he did.
That was way too f**king easy for him. How the hell could my body not find this offensive? That all he had to do was touch me in a certain way and it was eager for him to come inside? My head was screaming at me for not fighting against this, parts of my insides so knotted I was nauseous. Every part but the one that mattered the most, and those f**king muscles were delighted to have him in there, thrusting his dick up and down as he occasionally groaned with pleasure.
I hated that he eagerly rocked my body with his. I hated that he rolled me down on the chaise so his lips could take their sweet time caressing every part of my neck, br**sts and hips. I hated that he even kissed my hydrangea tattoo just inside my left hip bone, which was one of Nick’s favorite spots. I hated that it wasn’t dark enough to cry. And I hated that he forced me to stare into his eyes while he rocked inside me. But even more, I hated that eventually, my traitorous body didn’t have to fake the sounds of satisfaction that came out of me while he did it all.
17
A scratching, sweeping noise caught my attention, forcing my crusty eyelids open for just a second. It was too dark to see anything, so I gave up trying to lift my head, which felt heavy anyway. It all seemed déjà vu, like I had done this repeatedly, but it was so hazy. My entire upper body flinched when my eyelids lit up bright orange, making me pinch them even harder. I tried to swallow but my mouth and throat were so dry it seemed impossible.
Footsteps shuffled. Hands fumbled with my left hand.
Why couldn’t I f**king move?!
“You sure you don’t want to sell him?” a man asked.
“We’ve been over this,” a second male voice answered with a clipped tone.
My hand ached, then burned with fiery pain as something was ripped out and away from it. I screamed internally but merely whimpered aloud. “I don’t know why you have him. Such a waste, really.” Hands moved to my side and I felt another rip of pain against my skin. This time I got an actual howl out, but I still couldn’t move to fight the person off. My eyes didn’t even want to lift open again, barely managing a blurry peek.
Something yellowish swished beside me. Was that a f**king urine bag?
“He has a purpose here.”
“Whatever you say,” the first man replied, sounding bored. Band-Aids were placed on both my spots. “You know the drill. Lots of fluids and easy on the food.”
“Mmm-hmm,” murmured the second, unimpressed.
“And I’ll expect to see you both at my house in two weeks.”
“I know, Friggs, I know.”
The men left the room, their low conversation continuing and fading to nothing. I think I fell asleep again, so I had no idea how much time passed before I heard the footsteps again. Minutes? Hours? But my skin still felt raw where they touched me. The scent of ammonia wafted through my nose, suddenly singeing my nasal passage. My eyes shot open, my mind firing to life. My good arm felt the need to wave the toxic air away, but it was yanked back long before it had the chance to get there.
What the hell?
My eyes were blurry and only partially open, fighting against the brightness they hadn’t adapted to yet.
“The drugs are still in your system, so you’re going to be drowsy for a while. Drink the water beside you. I’ll be back to check up on you later.” I was too tired to respond, but my head jerked when he slapped my face. “Hey,” he said firmly. “I know you’re lucid enough to understand me right now. Know that I’ll be watching you. And if I see you even contemplate removing your bindings, I’ll be in here smashing your feet with a sledgehammer before you can even blink.”
The man was gone before I could get a good look at him. It felt like forever before my eyes adjusted to the light and braved a scan about the room. I was lying on the floor, on top of some rug, which was weird considering there was a bed beside me. From this vantage point, I had no idea if it was occupied. I couldn’t see much else, tucked away in the far corner like this. But the bed lacked a skirt, so I could see the floor all around the room, which was almost bare of furniture. A large flat screen hung on the far wall, and an unoccupied arm chair and ottoman pointed my way across the room from me, right next to what I assumed was the bathroom.
My head lolled to the side and I spotted the glass of water. My right arm seemed locked in place above my head, but my left had been given some slack by the chain that connected to some type of strap around my wrist. I struggled to lean sideways, my side stinging from where they stuck me. When that didn’t work, I rolled to my right side, scooting awkwardly with my hip until I was able to sit up, my back leaning against the wall. I painfully reached for the water and slowly drank it until it was all gone. I wanted more. Setting the cup down, there was nothing left to do.
The water helped. My haziness was fading but I still felt weak and hung over, like I hadn’t slept off the drug yet. And I was guessing by the abrupt way that man woke me, it was exactly how he wanted me. Awake but not really functioning. I yanked on my left binding, testing its strength. It had way more than I did right now. I tried not to focus in on it too long, afraid the guy actually meant what he threatened.