21
“Tell me you love me!” Thea all but shouted with a wee bit too much enthusiasm. She had called three hours ago to tell me she was running late on her sales job, and asked if she could crash with us for the night instead of driving on to Eugene. It was easier for her to get up a few hours early than to drive those extra hours at night.
Playing along (sort of), I answered with confusion. “Um. I love you?”
Standing there in the hallway with her rolling luggage propped up beside her and her hands hidden behind her back, I could only wonder what the hell she was up to. “Ta-da!” she sang, whipping her surprise between us, dangling a black garment bag.
Awesome. Laundry she needed me to do? “Wow,” I stated with fake enthusiasm. “It’s a bag.” She threw me a sour look, but hey, I had to give her a hard time because technically, her so-called surprise was still hidden. She smacked my shoulder before tilting her luggage and rolling her way past me and into the kitchen. I methodically peeked both ways in the hall before securing all the locks.
“Hey, great place. Is Nick home yet?”
“No. He rarely makes it home before twelve.”
Unzipping the bag, she excitedly pulled out the dress it was protecting.
“Gorgeous.” I reached out to touch the white dress with an empire waist. Organza. It was cut at mid-thigh, backless and had only one strap, but what really made the dress a beauty was the black lace appliqué. It covered the strap, flowed down towards the belly button area in true lace fashion, and wrapped around to the center of the back. So basically one half was all plain, white organza and the other side had the material peeking out behind the lace. Bold and beautiful. “What’s the occasion?”
“Duh!” Looking at me like I was an idiot, she said, “To wear to dinner tomorrow night! I know Nick’s taking you to his restaurant. Question is, why did I hear it from him and not you?”
Ow. She actually poked me in the chest. Hard. It figured she’d find out through Nick. Back when I went missing, the pair of them began calling each other. At first it was just to keep Nick informed of what the police was telling my family. Then it became necessity to keep the other going, to know that they weren’t alone in believing they would one day find me. As the months went by, I think they felt so disjointed, that by continuing to talk with the other, it made them actually feel like they still had a piece of me there with them, both completely jealous of the relationship the other had had with me.
Not to mention they were the same age. They should’ve been able to find some way to relate. Even today they still continued to talk at least once a week. And I couldn’t help but secretly wonder what they’re saying about me now that I’d been found.
Shrugging, I replied nonchalantly, “It’s just dinner. He just wants me to see where he works.” I honestly didn’t see what the big deal was. “And my question is why did you bring me a dress without sleeves?” Seriously. There was no way in hell I’d show up to the place where Nick worked and expose my damaged skin to everyone he knew.
“Relax. There’s a black beaded cardigan you can pair this with. Mom says she brought it over with all the other clothes. Just point me to the closet, sissy.”
I pulled her luggage into motion and beckoned her forward with a nod of my head. “They’re in the guest room.”
“Ooh. Free for all. And the best part of all, your memories are such crap you won’t even notice if I snag a few pieces.”
I silently chuckled at that, and secretly hoped she would help herself to a few of those hangers. It was way more clothing than I’d ever use, and I couldn’t believe there was even more to pick through at my parents’ house.
Thea found the beaded cardigan easily, then I reluctantly got out of my comfy pajamas to try it on for her. I had to admit, the girl had style and taste. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I noted the time. Nine-thirty. “Did you eat dinner yet, because we have some leftovers if you’re hungry.”
She eyed me warily, biting on the corner of her lower lip. “What?” I cried exasperatedly, my hands moving to my hips, my body arching forward. I probably resembled a deranged chicken, ready to peck out her eyes over one wrong word. “Are you going to make fun of my cooking, too?”
She laughed, and I loved the way her light brown eyes lit up as if they were a life force all of their own. “I’m sorry. It’s just, you were never a good cook. Even your Jell-o came out hard as a rock. It’s actually kismet that your soul mate ended up being a chef. Otherwise, I think you would’ve spent the rest of your life eating hamburger helper and peanut butter and jelly.”
And soup. Can’t forget the soup. “Oh, I hate you all,” I muttered playfully. “The leftovers are Nick’s, so you’re sure to avoid food poisoning before your meeting tomorrow morning.”
I pulled off the cardigan, momentarily forgetting that Thea had never seen any of my burns before. The way her eyes widened… I don’t know. I could only describe her reaction as despair. She took my right hand into hers, twisting my arm, inspecting every bump and groove with her fingertips. Only Nick had really ever touched my burns that way. It should’ve felt odd, but strangely, it didn’t bother me that she was doing that.
“God, Cl–, I mean, Megan,” she moaned dismally. “I’m so sorry.”
I pulled my arm away and sat down beside her on the edge of the bed, both our gazes locked on my arm. “It’s alright. I’m slowly adjusting to it. Nick’s helping me feel comfortable in my own skin again.”
When I looked up, Thea was shaking her head, her eyes closed tight, failing miserably at stopping the streams of tears I never even realized were flowing. “No. You don’t understand,” she sobbed. “It’s all my fault.”
I almost thought I didn’t hear her right, because there was no way there was any truth to that. “What? Why would you ever think that?” I asked with a soothing voice, reaching up to lightly rub the back of her shoulder.
She opened her eyes, but they sagged, the tan colored irises seemingly drowning. “I’m sorry, Megan. But that morning…you were running late.”
“How would you know that?” I asked carefully. “Mom said no one knew what time I left the house because I was the last one to leave.”
“Because I came by,” she admitted. “I was the reason you were running late that day.”
Shrugging it off, I asked, “So what if you were?”
I wanted to say more, to tell her it didn’t matter what time I left the house, but she wouldn’t let me. With surprising force, she threw her hand out between us, begging me to stop. “Just. Please. Let me say this before I lose the courage.” Biting my tongue, I let her keep going. “The night before, my boyfriend and I had a huge blowout. I caught the bastard cheating on me. He kept blowing up my phone and I really didn’t want to talk to the shithead, so I silenced my phone and came to the house instead of my apartment. I guess Mom and Dad never noticed my car because it was parked in front of the neighbor’s house.
“I just wanted to talk it out with you, but you were already asleep by the time I got there.” Her tears were stalling, so Thea took a moment to wipe her face clear, her pale skin looking gray and sickly from excess moisture. “Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well. You woke me up in the morning banging all around in the bathroom. I was just so pissed that I went off on you.” She groaned and dipped her head. “God, I was such a bitch. I know we were friends and all, but we were sisters, too, so we were known to have some pretty epic fights.
“Ever the good sister, you tried to calm me down but I was just so far gone at that point it was falling on deaf ears. Talking was the last thing I wanted to do. We went at it so long you were at least twenty minutes late leaving for school.” Thea began shaking her head again, her face straining to fight the flow that glistened her eyes again. “I know…I know you were speeding to get to school. You had Journalism first period and that class was your reason for getting up every morning. And I can’t help thinking, that if I hadn’t come over, or fought with you, or just not been such a bitch to you that morning, they wouldn’t have noticed you. You would’ve been blending in with the flow of traffic. You never would’ve been at the wrong place at the wrong time. You would’ve missed them altogether, because you would’ve already been in class, safe and sound.
“I did it,” she sobbed hysterically. “I did all these things to screw with you that morning, to make myself feel better, and it got you stolen in return. And I never told anyone the truth. Because I knew they’d all hate me for it. And I just couldn’t take any more guilt.”
She completely buried her face in her hands, crying wildly, choking on the fluid that rushed and clogged her throat. My own tears had long been flowing by the time she tried to add, “It’s my fault. The kidnapping. The rapes.” Her fingers splaying, her eyes focused on that horrible burn on my arm. “Your burns. You have no idea how it’s eaten away at me, knowing I did all that to my little sister. I was supposed to be protecting you. I’m the world’s worst sister and I am so sorry.” It was hard to catch all that, since she was blabbering and gasping for air between syllables, but I didn’t need to hear every word to understand her, and to realize how way off-base she was for taking the blame.
I had to close my eyes off, the liquid blurring my vision, the light on the ceiling fan hitting my face at just the right angle to blind me, inducing the equivalent of a brain freeze. And after all the crying I’d done as of late, everything just ached.
Why did everybody think my disappearance was their fault? First Nick, now Thea. My parents probably harbored the same thoughts. And the truth was, it was nobody’s fault. Not even my own.
I know Nick and I agreed it was best to keep what Detective O’Neill told us to ourselves, but right now, I was seriously doubting that decision. I couldn’t let Thea keep suffering from these thoughts. So we fought that morning. It sounded like just another day in the life of sisters and/or best friends. Nick and I thought keeping this to ourselves was best because nothing could be gained by sharing, and that it would never fix anything. Turns out we were wrong.
“Thea,” I said softly, clearing my clogged throat. Her sobs overpowered my voice, so I said, “Thea,” more firmly a second time. “Look at me.” When she didn’t, I added, “Come on. If you think you’re responsible for my messed up life, then you could at least look me in the eye when I say this to you.”
Eventually, she found the courage to raise her head, but it continued to jerk as her chest began hiccupping sporadically. And I had serious doubts she could actually see me through that waterfall rushing over her eyes. “They were following me long before they took me. There was even a tracking device on my car. They were going to find me that morning no matter what time I left or where I went.”
She froze, her eyes bouncing all over the place like a ping-pong game gone on the fritz. “Wait… What?”
“My car had a tracer on it. Best they can tell, the police think I was the only girl who was selected in advance.” Detective O’Neill said it was possible that one of the girls walking could’ve had a tracer on their belongings, but it was highly unlikely since you never knew what a person was going to carry or wear day to day. Which meant I was their priority pick-up. And like Nick had once suggested, I was meant to be brainwashed and made into more of a companion. “The cops said I was tagged because I was most likely chosen and sold before they ever even stole me.” And it was probably my fault all those other girls got stolen, too. They came to Seattle to grab me but took several more once they had me. That’s what really made me throw up that day at the police station. All those girls…who were most likely still being drugged and raped to this day, were picked up because of me! I wanted to help them, I really did, but I knew nothing that would ever help the cops find them.
I couldn’t make myself feel better, but maybe I could ease the guilt suffocating Thea.
I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled us together, grasping her hand with mine. “Nothing you did that morning was responsible for my disappearance. If anything, you spared me twenty more minutes from that life. So please stop hating yourself. And stop crying. Because you’re making me cry. And I am so freaking tired of crying.”
Unfortunately, my words only made us bawl even more, but I think I caught a hint of relief in her eyes, and our tears slowly became more of a release than us dealing with the horrors afflicting our minds.
22
God, I needed all night and the next day to recover from that. Just like when the detective told us at the station about the trace, my insides twisted into a thousand knots and sudden nausea sent me on vacation with the porcelain bowl. Luckily, Nick was taking the day off, so I had him there to help soothe and unclench the grip misery seemed to have on my body. Thea had left early in the morning, looking like she spent the night at a noisy, never-resting frat house. Hopefully she’d be able to clean herself up before her first meeting.
By mid-afternoon, I was feeling better, but Nick was still hesitant to take me to dinner. “We can do this anytime. It doesn’t have to be tonight.”
“No. God, if I’ve learned anything from my messed up life, it’s that you don’t even know if tomorrow will come. So let’s go. I’m in need of happier memories.”
He reluctantly agreed, but I think his hesitance got chucked to the back seat when he saw me the first time in that gorgeous white and black dress. For the first time since I went missing, I actually had an occasion to wear heels, and was completely surprised at how at ease my body was with the strappy shoes securing my feet. The dress looked far better without the cardigan, but Nick didn’t seem to know any better.