It now made sense why that bastard always bitched about me not being a virgin – calling me all sorts of things, f**king whore probably the nicest. For the life of me, I could never understand what he was talking about since I thought I was one, but again, I really didn’t give a shit about his disappointments.
That meant that Nick and I had been really sexually active for a year before I got stolen. I sighed, wishing I could be happy about those memories I no longer had, but I was still grateful for Nick. And I probably shouldn’t have said what was on my mind, but I did. “You have no idea how relieved I am that I got to give my virginity to you before it could be taken by someone else.”
A faint groan rumbled in his throat. His head fell forward and his embrace found a way to tighten even more. I wanted nothing more than to remember our time together. I felt cheated. That freaking ass**le took me away from the guy I loved, took several years away from our time together, took every emotional memory I ever had with him. And I desperately wanted them back.
“Nick?” I whispered.
“Mmm-hmm?”
“What we did earlier tonight? I want more. I want you.”
Shock overtook him. He not only pulled out of our embrace but actually held his hands to my shoulders to keep me at bay. “What? No! I shouldn’t have even done what I did. What if I hurt you? I mean, aren’t you…”
“Traumatized?” I asked solemnly, and he nodded his head. My body slumped once I released a heavy sigh from my stiff body. God…this was just not the type of conversation I wanted to have. Ever. “I know I probably should be. But… Look. I know what happened to me, I do. But I was really out of it each time it happened. I guess in a way it was a blessing, because I wasn’t really conscious, so I remember very little. There were only a few times when I snapped out of my daze when he... And I’m not going to lie, those images still haunt me in a way. But I never had to feel what was happening when it was happening, you know? So in a way, I just don’t remember enough to be as traumatized as I probably should be. I’m more disgusted than anything now, even mad when I think of the others that are still trapped in that life, and a little fearful at times that I could be taken back. But in all honesty, I think the aftereffect of these burns bother me more than the rapes, because I felt them when they happened, and I’m still forced to endure how people react to me when they see them.”
I didn’t like this distance between us, or the cold seeping over my skin now that he’d pulled away. “Nick, I’ve been trying to cope with this for a long time now. And I feel ready to leave that part of my life behind. I feel ready with you. So, please. I just need a little more from you.”
He eyed me warily, but I saw the longing hidden within those shining orbs, and I wished there was enough light to see the intense shade of green that filled them. After all, I wasn’t the only one who had gone without for so long. He had to need this as much as me. “How much is a little?”
“Everything,” I admitted with a whisper.
His straining eyes closed and his head began to sway. “I’m scared. For the first time in my life I’m truly scared. I don’t want you to hurt anymore.”
That horrible stinging sensation returned, the muscles behind my eyes straining as the first tear began to fall. “I’m scared, too. For eighteen months now, I’ve lived in terror, fearing everything and everyone. I don’t want to be scared anymore. The only time I’ve ever felt safe is in your arms. I do love you, and I just want to let you in all the way. So please. Please fill me with love, because I can’t bear to be filled with fear anymore. It’s suffocating me.”
I sensed the resignation in his eyes when they looked sadly my way. He pressed his forehead to mine, gently nodding. “Okay,” he whispered, gently kissing me before pulling me to my feet. His hand guided me to the bedroom. Tipping my chin up at him, he said softly, “We’ll do this, but the second your uncomfortable, it’s over. Got it?”
I nodded, and lifted to my toes to seal the deal with a kiss. My robe fell off my shoulders, and by the time his skin made contact with mine on the bed, we were both naked. He repeated everything he did earlier, probably because he already knew it wouldn’t hurt me in any way. Beginning with my lips and neck, Nick traveled south to my br**sts. Finally, when he had me nearly screaming as he worked down below, he slowly slid inside me. I gasped, and once he was sure it was in pleasure, he gently rocked in and out, his eyes intensely staring into mine.
We spent the night taking our time. Nick did everything right, and teased me with the rise and falls, constantly prolonging our enjoyment. And when we finished, nothing he’d done had bruised or hurt me in any way. Our emotions and hormones finally spent, my body lay partially atop his, finding comfort in the motion of his chest and the gentle circles he was tracing on my backside. We lay there quietly for the longest time, conversation not necessary, just enjoying the physical contact between our warm, na**d flesh.
I pulled my robe on, crossing my arms for added warmth, and quietly left the bedroom in search of Nick. The guy never seemed to be around every time I woke up. I found him leaning over the kitchen island with his back to me, most likely reading the newspaper like he’d done every other morning. I was guessing this one at least got delivered to his door. I leaned against the hallway doorframe. My gaze got lost in the curvature of his back, biceps and what part of his legs I could see outside his boxers. I could stay there all day admiring that view, but his body shifted positions and cruelly brought me back to reality.
“Have I told you how much I hate waking up cold and alone?”
I hadn’t meant for it to come off so disheartening, but it did, as I truly felt that way inside. A pained smile formed on his lips before abandoning the coffee in his hand and making his way towards me.
“I’m sorry, baby.”
Baby. That word sounded smooth and sweet coming from his mouth. A girl could get used to hearing that on a daily basis.
He lightly caressed my cheeks and tenderly kissed me, pulling away far too soon. “You’ve always slept an hour longer than me. I thought for sure I had plenty of time to get back to you before you woke.”
“Must have been the coffee. You never made it in our apartment, so it never woke me up before.”
Cool silk pressed against my skin as his hands rubbed the outside of my arms up and down. The friction heated my skin and tingles flitted through my body, their cool effect surprisingly warm. Wanting more, I leaned myself into him, not caring that the robe fell open in the front. His arms wrapped tightly around me, the pressure of his lower half against mine incredibly arousing, and images of our night flashed through my mind.
Nick, leaning over me, gently massaging my lips with his as our bodies swayed in rhythm.
Me, on top of Nick, not caring that every inch of my damaged skin was exposed for his viewing. It seemed he didn’t even notice, and with his eyes locked so intensely on mine, how could he?
For once I had sexual visuals that didn’t disgust every fiber of my being. I was left content, yet wanting. And nothing seemed able to break my smile.
His lips might have been preoccupied with mine, but his brain still managed to realize our bare chests were brushing together. Out of nowhere, his hand cupped and squeezed by breast. Shocking me, I cried out, “No!” I playfully swatted and squirmed free of his grasp, giggling as he continued to feel me up until I rewrapped my robe.
Returning to his coffee, he wagged his folded up newspaper at me on the way to the sofa, teasing, “Don’t stand in front of me na**d unless you mean it.”
“It’s not me. It’s this damn silk. It won’t stay tied.”
He crashed on the sofa, snapping the paper as he opened it up. “Note to self. Buy Megan lots of silk.”
Around two o’clock, Nick was gathering things into his backpack to leave for work. “You don’t wear regular clothes in that restaurant, do you?”
“No. I keep my clothes in my office so I don’t have to wear the uniform coming and going. The less I smell like food when I get home, the better.”
“You have an office?”
“A small one.”
Amused, I crossed my arms and teased, “Small like Paul’s?”
“God, no. I don’t know how he does that. But seeing as how I worked there for free, I can hardly sympathize.”
The smile fell from my face. “You didn’t get paid?” I exclaimed.
“He couldn’t afford it and I refused to leave there without a job working alongside you. Hence the free part.”
“Nick…”
He cupped my chin, and my hands went for his waist. “It’s fine. I wasn’t going to leave my girl there all lost and alone.”
You know that moment when you know someone truly loves you? That one was mine, and I hoped the kiss that followed returned the sentiment.
I felt all tingly inside, but it faded as the realization sank in that Nick was about to leave me home alone, and that was something I wasn’t looking forward to. “I feel bad.”
“About what?”
“That you’re going off to make money and I’m just staying home, sitting on my ass being a total mooch. You just worked several weeks for free. I can’t just stay home.”
His eyes rolled halfway back, fighting the full rotation. “Let me ask you this. How long did you work at Breenie’s?”
“About a year and a half,” I replied. One year, six months, twenty-two days to be exact.
“And how many days did you take off?”
“I don’t know. I was sick twice, so maybe four days.”
“Then you’re due a vacation. Strip down, grab the chocolate and plant your ass on the sofa already. And if you feel bad for taking the day off, you can please me to your heart’s content when I get back.”
I licked my lips, in both an attempt to keep my smile from spreading too quickly and to turn him on for saying that. It worked, but he was better at keeping a straight face than I was.
“Look,” he continued, “if relaxing drives you up the wall, you can use my laptop, maybe even look up what you’d need to do to get your GED.”
“GED? Wow. I hadn’t even thought of that.” God, I never finished high school!
Shit!
“You’re a smart girl. And you only missed the equivalent of like six months of classes. You’ll catch up and pass it easily. Of course, that’s assuming you want to get one.”
“Yeah, I want to get it.”
“Well, okay then. Find out what type of study materials you need and we’ll pick them up this week. That’ll give you something to focus on.”
I nodded, and solemnly pressed my lips. Noticing my expression, Nick dropped what he was doing to ask, “What’s wrong?”
I dropped my gaze from meeting his and replied, “Nothing. It’s just weird, you going off to work without me. I guess I just got used to having you around twenty-four-seven.” I glanced around the apartment. Suddenly, it seemed the opposite of warm and comfortable. Not at all like what I would consider home.
I must’ve been an open book, because once again, Nick honed in on exactly what thought was bouncing around inside my head. “Hey,” he said, gently holding the side of my face, his thumb trailing back and forth along my cheek. “This is your home now, and I want you to be comfortable. You’re safe here. And I don’t want to make you feel like a prisoner or anything, but do me a favor and don’t answer the door unless I’m here. Not for anyone.”
I nodded again. You’d never catch me arguing that point. He slowly leaned down and kissed my lips tenderly, then whispered, “I love you, baby.” He kissed me firmly on the forehead, then grabbed his backpack off the counter and headed for the door. “I’ll be back in no time, you’ll see.”
It wasn’t in no time, but I survived my first evening without him. I knew it was silly of me, and that we had to get back to a normal life, but I just liked having him around. I still didn’t like being alone at night, even when I felt a sense of safety securely locked away in Nick’s apartment. I had to turn on all the lights.
And I still felt bad that I wasn’t doing some kind of work, so I spent the better part of the evening cleaning the apartment. But I probably should’ve left some of it alone, so I’d have something to do the rest of the week. Luckily, Nick took me to the library the next day so I could get a card to check out a bunch of books. Some for pleasure, some for studying so I could take my GED. Of course, in order for me to take it, I’d have to clear up this whole Claire Whitaker – Megan Smith thing I had going on. Which incidentally, didn’t take as long as I thought it would.
I fell asleep on the sofa long before Nick came home from work and woke me up. He noticed the excess of lights but didn’t say anything, and instead, moved silently through the rooms turning them off one by one as we settled in the bedroom for the night. After coming back from his second night back at work, he handed me an envelope that had Philippe’s laboratory name on it. “Wow. That was fast.” I tapped the sealed envelope in my hand. “Do you know the result?”
“Nope. I didn’t ask, he didn’t say. I thought it best to let you open it.”
The contents of my stomach were swirling inside. This was it. This thin little envelope was going to determine the rest of my life, would tell me if Nick was truly mine to keep, and if a family would be waiting with open arms for me to come home.
How could one sheet of paper hold so much power?
16
I am Claire Whitaker. It still felt funny to say that, to even think the thought, as those words seemed foreign, lost in translation. I am Claire Whitaker. I was taken from my family, from a boyfriend who adored me, and had more than my life stripped away from me. Forget the lost memories; part of my soul was cruelly ripped from my body, lost forever in the darkness that entrapped me those six months down in that prison of a basement.