I didn’t get what Marcus had meant, but Seth closed his eyes briefly, squeezing so hard that the skin puckered at the corners. “Exactly,” he muttered.
“What is that even supposed to mean?” I threw my hands up. “Everything was fine yesterday and now it’s not? I don’t get what—”
“Don’t make this difficult, Josie.” A heartbeat passed, and his lean body tensed in the chair. “Don’t embarrass yourself.”
Sucking in a shallow, messy breath, I drew back as if I’d been slapped right across the face. “Don’t embarrass myself?”
He said nothing, but the muscle along his jaw began to tick.
My face was burning like a wildfire. I was embarrassed to be having this conversation in front of the Dean, to stand here and have Seth talking to me like he was.
Like I was absolutely nothing to him. As if he was in the position to scold me. Embarrassed wasn’t the right word. Humiliated came to mind. Hurt did too.
It was like earlier, when I was frozen in the training room. Everything shut down for a long, stretched-out moment as a deep crack lit up my chest, sharp and unbelievably real.
I swallowed past the rapidly growing lump in my throat and saw Marcus. His attention was turned to the window, and it hit me once more that we had an audience for this.
Seth’s gaze shifted away from me, to the wall. I drew in another breath and it got stuck. There was nothing else for me to say right now. Nothing at all.
Squeezing my hands closed until my nails bit into my palms, I glanced at Marcus. “Sorry to, um, be a bother. The . . . the training situation is fine.”
Seth’s gaze flew back to mine, but I forced myself to turn around. I walked out of the room, each step stiff. I had to leave before I embarrassed myself further, because I was seconds from either screaming at Seth or crying, and those were two things I didn’t want to do in front of Marcus. Or anyone.
I put one foot in front of the other and kept walking—kept going until I was all the way downstairs and then outside, the whole time my head a whirl of questions and confusion. I blindly headed toward the dorm, because there was no way I was going back to training. Not today. No way. There was a horrible burning sensation in my eyes.
“Josie.”
My heart stuttered, along with my step.
“Josie!” Seth called out again, his voice closer. “Hold up.”
Part of me wanted to keep going, but I couldn’t. A tiny spark of hope flared to life. I turned around, stopping under the cluster of olive trees. “What?” I said when he drew near. “Did you follow me so you can scold me again?”
Seth slowed, stopping a few feet in front of me. “I didn’t scold you.”
“Bullshit,” I snapped, latching onto the anger, because that was better than the confusion and hurt. “You scolded me in front of Marcus. Told me not to embarrass myself. Except you were the one embarrassing me.”
His brows knitted. “Okay. I didn’t mean to do that—”
“It doesn’t matter if you meant to do that or not. You did it.” I took a deep breath as I stared up at him. “What is going on, Seth? Why aren’t you training me anymore?”
Crossing his arms over his chest, he didn’t answer for a moment. “Like I said earlier, it’s just better that way.”
“That’s not an explanation.”
His gaze met mine and then flickered away. “It’s all the explanation you need to hear.”
Anger burst inside me once more and I barked out a short laugh. “Okay. You know what, I’m a grown-ass woman, and you don’t get to decide what I need and don’t need to hear.”
“I know that, but this time, I do.” His eyes deepened in hue, turning into a tawny color. “I’m not trying to be a jerk.”
“Then you need to try harder,” I fired back. “Because I’m pretty sure you just came out here to tell me the same lame crap you told me inside, and that’s nothing.”
Seth exhaled roughly as dark clouds began to roll in overhead, blotting out the sun and casting deep, unforgiving shadows across the quad. A storm was coming. “This isn’t going how I planned,” he said.
“How exactly did you plan this—whatever this is—to go, Seth? Everything was fine yesterday and—”
“Everything was not fine yesterday.” His arms dropped to his sides as he lowered his head so we were nearly eye level. “Yesterday was one huge-ass mistake. Fuck. Not just yesterday. Everything has been.”
Whoa.
I drew back again, actually took a step back from him. My mouth opened, but I’d lost the ability to form words as that fissure in my chest spread, cutting deep, and it throbbed and pulsed like a very real, raw wound.
“Everything?” That was the only word I managed.
He stared at me a moment and then looked away, cursing under his breath as he shoved his fingers through his hair. “You don’t understand.”
“You’re right.” Tears clogged my throat, and I didn’t want to yell at him anymore. I only wanted this to be some kind of bizarre misunderstanding. “I don’t understand. Can you . . . can you please explain it to me?”
Seth lowered his arm and looked at me. There was a wealth of secrets in those odd eyes, and I stiffened like steel had been dropped down my spine. Instantly, I knew it would be better if I hadn’t asked the question. If I had just kept walking.
“I . . . I like you, Josie. I think you’re great,” he said, his voice flat once more, and what was in my chest just shriveled right up, like a flower left without water and sun. Everything was over. “But what we’re doing isn’t working out for me.”