“Fuck,” I grunted, turning around as I stepped to the side. I leaned against the wall, tipping my head back. “Fuck.”
I’d lost control today.
When she’d gotten angry and used the air element, it hit me right in the gut. It had also turned me on, because whenever Josie got pissed, I couldn’t help but find it hot. But when she tapped into akasha, the rush of power that permeated the air had dragged me under.
There had been no room for warnings or thoughts or seconds to consider what I was doing. I’d become a ball of action, of a thousand different things, and somewhere lust and need and want got all mixed up.
I’d wanted to give her pleasure.
I’d wanted to get in her.
I’d wanted what was in her.
Gods. It all got mixed up. No excuse. None whatsoever. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until it was too late, until I felt the ebb and flow of aether, moving from her to me.
I’d fed off her.
Gut twisting, I closed my hands into fists. I’d fed off Josie, off someone who trusted me irrevocably. It was the worst kind of betrayal, and she didn’t even know. She had no idea why she’d been so tired afterward. No clue to the cause behind the fact she couldn’t even finish eating a basket of fries.
I’d done it, and even though I hadn’t been thinking and I wasn’t even sure if that was the main reason why I’d gone after her today, I still knew what had happened to her. The daimons had fed on her before we reached her grandparents’ house. Hyperion had gotten her outside of their house, and even though she wouldn’t talk about what had gone down when he had her, I knew he would’ve fed on her. After all, that was why the Titans were after the demigods in the first place. For Hyperion it was also personal. And I’d done to Josie the same thing he had.
That was unforgivable.
I had to be stronger and I wasn’t. I’d failed. And if she knew what I’d done, she would be absolutely disgusted with me. I couldn’t blame her for that. I deserved her repulsion and hatred.
Opening my eyes, I stared at the ceiling. I’d done this before. On purpose. I’d had a goal, to awaken Alex ahead of schedule. It was how I learned I could feed on aether that way. I hadn’t known that I could when it first happened. There was another time I should’ve done better and I hadn’t.
History was always on repeat.
Disturbed, I stepped away from the wall and walked back into the living room. Josie hadn’t moved. I knelt beside her and reached out, my fingers stopping a mere inch above her flushed cheek.
I didn’t . . . I didn’t deserve this with her.
I didn’t deserve her in general.
As I stared down at her, I had to wonder what in the fuck I was thinking. From the beginning I’d known getting close to her was a bad fucking idea. I’d done shit things in my past and was sure to keep doing shit things. No future to speak of. I wanted aether like a damn daimon, and I couldn’t be trusted.
And I had not been able to stay away from her.
I’d needed to, but I hadn’t wanted to.
Need. Want. Back by popular demand.
Drawing my hand back, I clasped the edge of the cushion. Mindful to not disturb her, I bent over and kissed her parted lips. As I drew back, there wasn’t even a flicker of an eyelash. Josie was beautiful as she slept on.
I rose and turned slowly, looking around the room. I knew what I had to do, and for once in my life, I was going to do the right thing.
Josie
When I pried my eyes open, my brain was full of fog and the webs of sleep clung firmly. It took a couple of moments for me to realize I was lying on the small couch. I felt like I’d slept for a billion years—a billion years curled up in a fetal position.
Wincing, I stretched out my legs and could hear the bones popping. I had no idea what time it was, but I figured if I’d overslept, Seth would be here, shaking me awake.
Seth.
“Oh God,” I murmured, placing my hands over my face. My cheeks felt hot as what we’d done in public did an instant replay, in vivid detail. A strangled giggle escaped me as I dropped my hands to my stomach. “Wow.”
I turned my head to the right and remembered the fries. Holy crap, I fell asleep eating fries. When had I ever fallen asleep before finishing what I was eating?
That was one hell of an orgasm.
Totally one-sided orgasm. He’d taken me to paradise and I’d passed out on him, halfway through a basket of fries before I could do what I’d planned to do to him. Which was a lot, and definitely included getting him naked and me naked and actual intercourse occurring.
I rolled onto my side and squinted at the clock. Holy crap! Adrenaline shot through my veins. Jerking up, my legs got tangled up in the blanket. With all the grace of a demigod, I fell off the couch, my knees cracking off the floor.
“Shit,” I grunted, pushing up.
It was past nine in the morning! What in the hell? Scrambling to my feet, I hopped around the coffee table, kicking my left foot free of the blanket. Why hadn’t Seth woken me up? I slowed down as I entered the bedroom, tugging my hoodie off my head and tossing it aside. Obviously he felt like I needed the rest, but man, I hated being late.
Loathed it.
After the quickest shower I’d ever taken in my life, I twisted my wet hair up in a bun, shoved a million bobby pins in it, and then changed into fresh Covenant-style training attire.
The first place I headed was the room across the hall. I knocked on Seth’s door, waited for a couple of minutes, and when there was no answer, I power-walked my late butt out of the dorm and toward the training arena. Since my schedule was flipped now that Luke was moving into summer classes, I figured that was where Seth would be.