"This is Julia, and she is the Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner for the hospital. She's going to talk to you while we are waiting to run those scans, okay?" She says this all so matter-of-factly, and I'm not sure how to even react, so I just whisper, "Okay."
Dr. Langston proceeds to walk out of the room and closes the door behind her.
"Hi, Candace," Julia says in a soft, pleasant tone. I wonder if they teach everyone here how to talk to people like me, because they all sound the same. Gentle, as if they could break me with their words. "I need to know if you want to complete a sexual assault evidence kit examination."
I feel my heart rate pick up and anxiety kicks in. "I'm sorry. What?" I ask.
"A rape kit," she says. "It is an exam that is used to collect DNA evidence." She continues to talk to me and goes into more explanation, but her voice becomes distant. How is this happening to me? I don't know what to do. I look back at Julia to see her looking at me, and she's no longer talking.
I shake my head and say, "I don't know. I...I don't know."
"How about if we just talk? Can I ask you a few questions about what happened tonight?"
"Okay," I say unsurely.
She picks up her clipboard and pen, and then asks, "Do you know who did this?"
I hesitate before answering, "Uh huh."
"Can you tell me his name?"
"Why? What's going to happen?" I'm extremely nervous, and I'm not sure how much I should say.
"Nothing will happen unless you want to press charges."
"I don't," I immediately say. God, I don't want anyone to know about this.
The door slowly opens, and Allie pops her head in as she quietly says, "Jase is here. Would you like me to send him in?"
"Does he know?" I ask. "Did you tell him?"
Stepping in, she closes the door behind her. She walks over and sits down on a chair that's next to me.
"No. All he knows is that you were brought here by ambulance," she says softly.
"I don't know what to say." I look at Allie with a pleading expression on my face. There is no way I can tell Jase. I mean...I want him to know, I just don't want to be the one who tells him.
Nodding her head, she says, "It's okay. We will help you. Would you like me to bring him in?"
"Can you talk to him? Alone?" I ask. I don't want to hear what she is going to say, and I definitely do not want to see his reaction when she tells him.
"If you want me to, I will. How much do you want me to tell him?"
"Everything," I say softly.
"Okay. I'll be back in a few minutes." Allie stands up and makes her way out of the exam room.
I let out a sigh, and Julia continues asking questions about what happened. I don't tell her Jack's name, but I go ahead and tell her everything that happened tonight, starting from my house. She asks me to go into detail about the attack. She wants to know every part of my body that was touched, all the places his saliva could possibly be, and the questions seem to go on forever.
I look up when the door opens again, and Jase is there. I fall apart when I see the horrified expression on his face, and he rushes over to me and wraps my head in his arms. He keeps kissing the top of my head and repeating that he loves me as sobs wrack through my body. I slowly start to calm down, and the tears begin to subside. Jase sits down and looks at Julia.
"So, what's going on? Is she okay?" he asks her while holding my hand.
"We have just completed the written account of the assault." She looks at me and continues, "The next step, if you choose, is to complete a physical exam to collect evidence. We can do this whether you choose to press charges or not."
I look at Jase and shake my head, not knowing what to do.
Jase looks back at her and asks, "What's the exam?"
The nurse picks up the same white cardboard box that I saw her walk in with. "This is the rape kit. There are sixteen different pieces of evidence we collect. You are in total control of the exam. You say 'stop,' we stop. I will explain each step as we go so you know exactly what to expect."
"How long will this take?" I ask.
"It can take around four to six hours."
"What?! No," I say to her. I look back at Jase with wide eyes and sternly repeat, "No."
"Candace, I really think you should do it. I get that you're scared right now, but maybe in a few days you might feel differently about this." He turns and asks Julia, "If she does this exam, then what?"
"If she decides to press charges, we will hand over the kit to the police. If not, we keep the kit here. If she changes her mind about prosecuting, then at that time, we will hand the kit over to the criminal lab."
Jase squeezes my hand, "I'm right here. I think you should do this, sweetie." I have never seen this look on Jase before. I know he loves me, and I can trust him. I nod my head, and I fight back the tears that are threatening to spill over.
"Since the doctor has ordered a CT scan and x-rays, we will need to wait until after those tests are run. When you get back, we will begin the exam." She gives me a concerned look as she continues, "I want to let you know what to expect when you are taken for those tests. The nurses and techs will refrain from touching you as much as possible. I want you to try and stay calm and still. They will move you to and from this gurney by lifting the sheet that is underneath you. Okay?"