I am curious what he thinks of me now, but not enough to ask him. Deciding to change the subject, I put my legs out, doing a lame attempt at the splits, figuring I can at least pretend like I’m getting warmed up to do something. I’m wearing tight shorts and old t-shirt and my hair’s pulled up in a ponytail. ‘Fine, if you really want me to go to the concert, I will,’ I tell him. ‘As long as it’s after dinner with Luke’s dad and Trevor and Luke can come with me.’ I’m sure he will want to, since we promised to celebrate the shit out of holidays only a half an hour ago.
‘It doesn’t start till nine,’ he tells me. ‘And duh, I assumed you’d bring Luke with you. You two are attached at the hips now.’
Even though it’s true, his observation still catches me off guard. Lost in my thoughts, I stretch again, leaning forward into this awkward position. ‘God, why do people this – my face is pretty much level with my vagina.’
Seth laughs. ‘Well, you’re choosing to do it, so maybe you’re enjoying it.’
I flip him the middle finger without lifting my head. ‘Ha ha, you caught me.’ I stay in the same position, putting my hands on my legs, fingers wrapping around my thighs. ‘You know, I think I’m going to get a tat on the side of my thigh,’ I say more to myself than anything. ‘Something new.’ Yes, new would be good. Everything is old right now, connected to the past.
A shadow casts across me and then I hear Luke say, ‘What are you to doing?’ He sounds like he’s out of breath.
‘Oh just watching Violet touch herself,’ Seth answers amusedly. ‘And listening to her talk about self-infliction.’
‘Huh?’ Puzzlement floods Luke’s voice.
I roll my eyes at Seth as I sit up and Seth reciprocates my gesture with a smirk. ‘Nothing,’ I say, glancing up at very shirtless, sweaty, and I’ll admit, sexy Luke. ‘I was just talking about getting a tattoo. That’s all.’
‘Oh yeah, where would you get it?’ he asks curiously, still trying to catch his breath from the workout. I trace my finger up the side of my thigh, all the way up to my hip. His breathing grows quiet, maybe even stops as he tracks the path my finger made. ‘That’d be a nice spot.’ His voice is low, husky.
‘You think so?’ I ask, totally enjoying the fact that he’s turned on by this. That and the fact that it’s a normal moment right now. It’s been a while and seems to be coming from nowhere, but I’m going to take it and grasp onto it with all the strength that I have.
Luke nods, finally jerking his attention away from my hip and focusing on my eyes. ‘Definitely. And I’ll come with you when you get it.’
‘I don’t need my hand held.’ I bring my knees into my chest. ‘I know what’s up – it’s my fourth one.’
‘Oh, I’m not going to hold your hand.’ His gaze is sweltering to the point where I swear to God my skin starts to melt, but I can’t seem to look away. ‘That would be sexy as hell to watch,’ he says, his eyes dropping to my thigh again.
I want to tell him about every tattoo I plan on getting, just to keep that skin-melting look he’s giving me on his face.
But apparently Seth doesn’t agree. ‘Jesus, would you two let up with the eye-fucking.’
Luke gives Seth a harsh look and then shakes his head. ‘Anyway, I just came to see what you two were up to and that if everything was okay.’ There’s an underlying meaning in his tone – he’s worried about how I acted last night and wants to see if I’m okay.
I nod, letting him know that I’m fine, but really I have no clue what I’m feeling. Usually in these types of situations, I’d run to the nearest window and picture myself falling. Right before I hit the ground, I’d take my last breath. I want to really, really want to do it. Dreamt about it last night. Thought about the images repeatedly this morning, but between my choice to live in the water and making Luke a promise that I’d try to stop, I’m not going to.
He releases a stressed breath then nods. ‘Okay, but if you need be, come get me.’ He hitches a finger over his shoulder and points at one of the rooms. ‘Kayden and I switching rooms.’
I frown as I get to my feet. ‘You’re not done yet?’
He finds me amusing. ‘We’ve been here for a half of an hour.’
I fold my arms across my chest. ‘That’s a half of an hour too long if you ask me.’
Then gets him to laugh, even though I was being serious. ‘You’re cute.’ Then he gives me a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the ass before walking off.
I turn to Seth and raise my eyebrow. ‘What am I? One of his football buddies now?’
Seth looks up at me with this funny look on his face. ‘I think you’re pretty much the opposite for him.’
‘And what the hell’s the opposite of a football buddy? ‘
‘I don’t know … his lover.’ He shoots me a devious grin and waggles his eyebrows.
That strikes a nerve as I think about a couple of weeks ago and how Luke said he loved me and I realized that I have no idea what the fuck love is and how I felt bad that I couldn’t say it back to him. I want to at least understand it, but I have yet to figure out how to do so.
My expression immediately plummets and Seth notices that it does. He sits up quickly, eagerness written all over his face. ‘Holy shit, he said it to you, hasn’t, he?’ He scurries to his feet, eager to hear the gossip.
‘I don’t want to talk about this,’ I say uncomfortably, scanning the workout room, searching for a diversion. But machines that look like torture devices and sweaty people I don’t know surround me.
‘Talk about what?’ Greyson joins us from seemingly out of nowhere, sweat on his brow and in his hair. His shirt has some on it too, yet he looks content with his tired, sweatiness.
‘Nothing, hence why I said I don’t want to talk about it,’ I tell him, picking up my coffee, ready to bail. I’ll tell Luke I had to run somewhere. Lie. Problem is, after last night, he’ll freak out I’m sure and I don’t want to do that to him.
‘Luke told Violet he loves her,’ Seth announces and I shoot him a dirty glare as he slaps his hand over his mouth. ‘Sorry. I’m a terrible liar though.’