Every muscle in my body winds tight like a knotted rope. Not just because he was there the day she went into the water, but that he’s been in our apartment before. Fuck, I’m so angry and tense right now, I’m about to ram a my fist through the wall just to make myself feel better, but then Violet scoots closer to me and it reminds me that I’ve got to be more stable than that right now. I’ll try to let it out at the gym or something tomorrow, at least as much as I can.
‘Thank you.’ Violet says, pressing a kiss to my chest.
The fire in my chest simmers down. ‘For what?’
‘For …’ She yawns as she traces a circle on my chest, right over where my heart is beating. ‘For not leaving me.’
My heart clenches in my chest as I smooth her hair back and study her face, the way her eyelids keep fluttering, the way the sunlight hits the studded diamond in her nose, the way her lips are slightly parted. So fucking beautiful and so fucking tough, whether she realizes it or not. She’s a survivor of so much shit that a lot of people will never even begin to comprehend – the lucky ones.
Only when I know she’s fast asleep do I dare whisper the truth. ‘I would never leave you,’ I whisper. ‘Because I love you.’
Chapter 16
Violet
The next day I wake up from the strangest nightmare, if you can even call it that. I’m not even sure what the hell it is or means. In it was my mom. She was standing in front of her grave with her arm outstretched to me and I was frozen at the edge of the cemetery, unable to step foot on the grass and go to her.
‘I can’t,’ I’d cried. ‘I just can’t.’
She’d finally lowered her hand and smiled at me. ‘I’s okay, Violet my baby girl. You can do it. Just let me go.’
That’s when I’d awoken, gasping for air, not necessarily terrified but confused. A confusion that’s still whirling around inside me. And that confusion amplified when I remembered last night’s events.
I still agree to go to the gym the next day, even though Luke gives me an out, saying that either we can stay home if I want or that I don’t have to come after what happened last night. I can tell that he wants me to go with him, though, and honestly I don’t want to stay in the apartment after what happened. The worst part about this whole thing is I don’t even know why Preston is doing this or what he wants from me. In the past, I’d always know – deal drugs for him and sexual favors. But now it feels like he’s playing some sort of game with me where I’m left wondering what the hell will happen next. It’s been so quietly lately too that I’d started to let my guard down and almost forget he was still lurking around. I can’t do that, but I also don’t want to live my life in fear anymore.
I want to be fearless.
I want to be free.
I just want to be me.
Trying to shake thoughts of Preston the best that I can, I get dressed to go to the gym, putting on a pair of tight shorts and a tank top topped with a hoodie. Then pull my hair up, the entire time pretending everything’s okay, that I wasn’t shaken to the core last night.
I feel exhausted, but Luke looks even worse than I do. When I ask him if he slept at all, he says, ‘enough,’ but the dark circles under his eyes contradict his words.
We’re headed out the door when Greyson comes bouncing up to me from the kitchen with way too much energy for six thirty in the morning. ‘Happy Halloween!’ He offers me a cupcake in the shape of a pumpkin. He’s dressed in shorts, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes, ready to hit the gym. How the hell he manages to get ready and cook cupcakes already is beyond me.
‘Thanks.’ I take the cupcake with great appreciation, then lick a huge mouthful of orange frosting, savoring the sugar rush I get.
‘We’re heading out,’ Luke tells him, slinging his bag over his shoulder. ‘You and Seth coming?’
Greyson nods, returning to the kitchen and starts putting away the rest of the cupcakes he cooked. ‘I am for sure. We’ll see about sleeping beauty. He hates exercise.’
‘Sounds like a brilliant man to me.’ I bite the cupcake and nearly have a foodgasm, the buttery frosting and cake melting the moment if touches my tongue. ‘Jesus, this is good.’
Luke watches me with a lustful look as if watching me lick frosting is the sexiest thing he’s ever seen. ‘Yeah, I can see that.’ It takes him a moment, but he manages to blink his gaze off my mouth. ‘Just tell him he can hang with Violet,’ he says to Greyson. ‘She’s not too into it, just coming to keep me company.’
‘Okay, that might get him to be more agreeable.’ Greyson pops the lid on the case he put the cupcakes in then rounds the kitchen with another cupcake in his hand. ‘One for the road?’
‘What do I look like? A sugar junkie?’ I ask, but then take the cupcake anyway. ‘Thanks.’
Greyson shakes his head at me with a smile touching his lips. ‘See you in a bit, sugar junkie.’
I wave goodbye to him then follow Luke out to the truck, feeling my guard go up the moment I step out the door as lasts night’s events race through my mind. As if Luke senses my panic, he threads his fingers through mine and holds onto me tightly until we’re safely in his truck.
He drives down the road as I munch on the cupcake, staring at the houses and stores lining the roads. Everything is splashed in oranges, blacks, and purples. Fake witches and skeletons and cobwebs cover the inside and outside of buildings.
‘I’ve never been into holidays,’ I divulge to Luke as I take another bite full of frosting.
‘Really?’ he asks me, although he doesn’t seem too surprised.
I shrug, peeling the paper of the cupcake down lower. ‘It’s probably because I’ve never celebrated them. I never had costumes for Halloween, unless I wanted to make them on my own, which I never did because I never had anyone to take me out to get candy. I did the Thanksgiving a few times, but family dinners were usually awkward for the outcast and nonmember of the family clan. Then Christmas … I hate Christmas. There was nothing jolly about it all when I was younger … I mean after my parents …’ I swallow hard as I pick at the cupcake and emotions well inside me, so I have to clear my throat. ‘Yeah, but I can remember getting a single present one time from one of the families, that actually seemed great when I opened it. A pretty silver ring ornament with a violet stone that was surrounded by these little onyx gems. It was so beautiful and was perfect for the fourteen year old gothic version of me.’