Honestly, through all the stuff going on the past couple of weeks, I’d forgotten about it. ‘I kinda forgot they were coming,’ I admit, sitting up and reaching for my Calculus book.
‘That’s understandable.’ He heads for the door with the pajama bottoms in his hand. ‘You’ve been under a lot of stress lately.’
‘You’ve been sounding like a psychologist lately. So either Seth’s been wearing on you or maybe that’s what you should major in.’
He releases a cynical laugh. ‘Yeah, that’ll be the day. Me sitting behind a desk, listening to other peoples’ problems and trying to fix them.’
‘You’re better at it than you think.’ My words carrying more meaning than meets the ear.
Luke gives me a thankful smile that chips at my ice-cold heart just a bit, but his happiness quickly turns to hesitancy. ‘So how was the therapy thing today?’ he asks as indifferently as possible, but I can tell he’s worried about asking me.
I shrug, not wanting to talk about the fact that my head is officially being examined. ‘Not too bad I guess.’
‘Do you have to see them again?’ he wonders, his fingers wrapping around the doorknob.
I nod, wondering if I’m going to go through with it – keep going and let Lana dissect me. ‘Yeah, next week.’
‘Until when?’
‘Until the unforeseeable future.’ I shrug, then shrug again, not sure what else to say. Lana never mentioned how much I’d have to go there. What if it’s a really long time? Sitting in that chair, talking about stuff I always avoid no matter what the costs. Can I handle it?
‘Oh, okay.’ Luke drops the subject and opens the door.
All this talk about our futures, I’m reminded of who I am. Like me, Luke has no declared major, but he still plays football and has hobbies so he’s at least got that, unlike me. I don’t have any hobbies, other than my extreme lack of people skills and my adrenaline junkie addiction. I have nothing really.
Maybe Luke’s right. Maybe I do need to declare a major, get out of the house, do something. But I don’t even know where to start. All my life, I’ve felt like I was drifting, drifting through homes, jobs, even classes, passing them but never really getting into anything I was being taught.
Drifting.
That’s all I did – do. My thoughts always stuck in the past.
But now the past might get its justice – my parents might get their justice. And that leaves me with facing the future, whether I’m ready to or not.
Chapter 14
Violet
‘I saw you, Violet. Saw you in the water.’ A whisper fills my head. It comes in the middle of the night. A voice, floating from somewhere in the dark house. ‘You wanted to hurt yourself.’
‘You’re not getting off that easy.’
Did it come from the bedroom? I’m not sure, but they sound so close … wait where am I?
I’m startled from my sleep then smothered by the darkness around me. It feels so heavy, so crushing that I can’t breathe.
I’m alone.
Alone.
Alone.
Alone.
In the dark house.
Only I’m not alone.
A stranger is here with me.
‘Wake up.’
This time I know I heard something for sure and I reach for Luke and feel his warmth beside me. ‘Luke, wake up.’ I give him a hard shake, my eyes frantically scanning the room. But there’s no one there. ‘I think I hear someone … out in the living room.’
It takes him a second to come out of his sleep, still dreary eyed as he flips on the lamp and looks at the clock. ‘It’s two in the morning … what’s going on?’
‘I hear someone in the living room,’ I hiss, sitting up and straining to hear the noise as I grip tightly onto the blanket.
This can’t be happening.
Not again.
No.
No one is here.
Thud … thud … thud …
A second later, Luke is out of bed and on his feet, chucking me the phone. ‘Get ready to call the police.’
I grab his arm as he cracks the bedroom door open. ‘Don’t go out there.’ I dig my nails into his flesh, clutching onto him like a terrified child.
‘I need to go check and see if someone’s in the house.’ He slips his arm from mine and walks out of the room in his boxers with no weapon, nothing to protect him.
Panic flares through me like a wildfire and images of that night blaze through my mind.
Darkness.
The Voices.
The noises.
The singing.
The blood.
The fear.
Jumping from the bed, I grip onto the phone and rush after him into the hallway, not wanting to let him out of my sight. Letting him out of my sight means that I may never see him again.
‘Violet, get back in the room,’ Luke hisses, putting his arm out and shoving me back.
I shake my head, my entire body trembling as I hear voices and see lights flashing from outside. The night when my parents died there were fireworks being lit off and I thought the gunshots where firecrackers. It’s happening now.
It’s happening again.
‘Are those fireworks?’ My voice doesn’t even sound like my own, lost in a traumatizing memory I’ve been thrown back into.
Luke shakes his head. ‘No … it’s the police I think … Violet, go back to the room. Please,’ he begs.
I shake my head again, hugging the phone to my chest. Rattled, rattled, rattled – my insides are rattled and I can’t think straight. It’s so dark. It’s so loud. I’m so scared. ‘I can’t … I can’t leave you … I don’t want to be alone.’
I can’t see his face, but I feel his fingers lace through mine and hold on tight as he peeks around the corner into the living room. ‘I promise I’ll be right back,’ he says then his fingers slip away from mine.
I start to cry.
Bawl like a little baby as I collapse to the floor.
I’m not going to see him again.
It’s the most painful thought I’ve ever had, aching in my bones, muscles, veins, heart – everything. I never want this to happen – can’t live without him. The fear consumes me, feels like it’s burying me alive. I need to get it out of me. Need to go somewhere – do something. I’ve never felt this much pain before and I can’t even begin to think about what it means, because I know that going there will kill me right now.