“That’s fine. I don’t really need you to tell me how you don’t always remember to take the buggy back to the return place in the parking lot or you don’t make it to the nursing home every week.”
I started to walk away, angry at myself for sounding like a jerk.
“Those are things Sawyer has to help me remember . . . but I wasn’t exactly referring to them.”
She said it so softly I almost didn’t hear her. I stopped and turned back to her. She was peering up at me through her wet eyelashes.
“I’m just like any other teenage girl. I envy Nicole because she can be who she wants to be. I can’t. But it isn’t Sawyer’s fault. I’ve never been able to give in to those urges. My parents expect me to be good.”
“You want to be like Nicole?” I asked in horror. She laughed and shook her head.
“Not exactly. I don’t desire to vomit on myself and be carried inside my house drunk . . . or be known as a slut. But just once I’d like to know what it feels like to do more than just kiss. To be touched.” She stopped and turned her gaze back toward the water. “Maybe to know what the thrill of sneaking out of my house feels like or how it feels to be wanted by someone so desperately they can’t help themselves when they kiss me. Maybe, to just feel desirable.” She stopped again and covered her face with both her hands. “Please forget I said all that.”
Talk about an impossible request. I was having a hard enough time breathing.
She let her hands drop away from her face and turned her guilt-ridden expression back up to me. The lost look in her eyes was killing me. I wanted to assure her nothing was wrong with her. I wanted to show her exactly how insane she made me. She stood up.
“So now you know my secrets, Beau. Just like old times. I think that makes us friends again, huh?” The smile on her lips trembled.
Fuck me.
“Yeah, I’d say it does,” I replied as regret consumed me.
Chapter 3
Ashton
I watched as my parents’ mini-van backed out of the driveway before picking up my phone and texting Beau.
Me: Would u like to come watch a movie at my house?
My heart started racing in my chest. What was I doing? I’d already blurred the lines today at the hole. I should have never talked with Beau about secret desires. But just thinking about the intense gleam in his eyes as I’d explained what I wanted to experience made my body flush with excitement.
Beau: Ur parents?
He knew my parents well enough to know they would never be okay with me spending time with him. I hated how everyone assumed the worst about Beau. Just because his momma was trash didn’t mean he was. He had the same blood in him that Sawyer did.
Me: Out of town 2night
My dad had planned a surprise weekend getaway for my parents’ anniversary. I’d known about it for a week, but he’d just told my mom this afternoon. They were both safely on the road to Birmingham now.
My phone rang, startling me so badly I dropped it. Scrambling to pick it up, I worried it may be Sawyer. I’d never be able to keep the guilt out of my voice if I had to talk to him.
It was Beau.
“Hello,” I said.
“I’ll leave my truck at the park and walk to your house through the woods. Leave the back door unlocked.”
He didn’t want anyone to see his truck here. I knew it was for my benefit. It was probably best he didn’t park outside my house. He was just my friend but . . . he was also a boy. A bad boy. Ashton Gray doesn’t have boys over while her parents are away.
“Okay, if that’s what you want to do.”
“It is.” His deep voice made me feel all tingly inside.
“I’ll see you in a little while then,” I replied.
“Yeah,” he said before he hung up. I stared down at the phone; I was torn between excitement and fear. I was going to get to spend more time alone with Beau. I’d missed him. Being able to be honest with someone was nice. I didn’t have to pretend. Then there was also the fact I liked the way his eyes sent shivers over my body as he stared at me. There was something wicked about Beau that drew me to him. What was wrong with me? Why did I want to sin so badly?
I dropped the phone on my bed and headed for the shower. I wouldn’t think about the rule I was breaking. This wasn’t anything bad. It was a small rule if you thought about rules in general. I mean, there were bigger rules I could break. Besides, I needed to break some rules before I went crazy.
A light knock on the back door sent the butterflies flapping around in my stomach into a frenzy. I heard the latch in the door as it opened and closed. I quickly slipped on a white eyelet sundress. After trying on several other more casual outfits I’d decided I wanted to look nicer. The sundress was short with spaghetti straps so it looked casual enough for a movie night, maybe . . . sort of. I studied my bare feet. I’d just painted my toes cotton candy pink and decided to stay barefoot. Even more casual.
I headed down the hall to greet my guest. The oxygen entering my lungs stalled when I saw Beau standing in the kitchen. Black had always looked good on him but having him stand in my kitchen in a tight black T-shirt and a pair of low-riding jeans made me a little dizzy. It dawned on me I was holding my breath.
“Hey,” I managed to say, mentally cringing at the breathless sound in my voice.
He nodded and gave me a small smile before walking over to the fridge and opening it. “I’m thirsty. Can I have a Coke?” he asked without looking back at me.
“Um, yeah, sure. I ordered pizza too. It should be here in a few minutes. If you’re hungry.”
He closed the fridge door and opened the can of Coke in his hand then took a swig.
“I’m always hungry,” he replied.
“Okay, good.” I didn’t know what else to say. I’d invited Beau to my house to watch a movie. Now he was here in all his mouth-watering glory and I didn’t know what to say. He walked toward me, grinning.
“Relax, Ash. It’s just me.” He nodded his head toward the living room. “Let’s go see what kind of movie selection you’ve got these days.”
Swallowing nervously, I turned and headed to the living room. This was a bad idea. I was acting like an idiot. This wasn’t the way friends acted. If I wanted him to be my friend I needed to start acting like one and not a love-struck moron.
“I rented two movies from the Red Box. If you don’t like either, you can pick from the ones I have in my room but I’m warning you now they are mostly romantic comedies. The ones I rented are probably more your speed.”