“What am I going to do without you this year?”
“You have Prince Charming. You’ll do fine. Besides, I’ll only be a phone call away.” Tears stung my eyes. I’d lost my Grana and I was losing Leann. My world was changing so quickly. I really needed Beau right now. He would make sense of everything. He’d listen to me complain and feel sorry for myself and not try to make me look on the bright side. Wrapped up in his arms was where I wanted to be. Not here with a bunch of people in my Grana’s house and a kitchen full of casseroles and pies.
“You want to get out of here? I’ll take you out and get you drunk,” Leann whispered.
I couldn’t leave my parents to deal with all of this alone. “Thanks, but I can’t. I need to be here. Grana would want me here.” My heart ached painfully and I fought back the tears. I would get through this. Grana would want me to be strong. If she knew I’d messed around with Beau Vincent today she’d be thrilled. A smile tugged at my lips although my eyes were blurry with unshed tears. The one person that mattered would wholeheartedly support my spending time with Beau. Somehow, that made it all better.
“I’m going to a movie with Leann,” I said as soon as we walked into the house.
The last of the visitors at Grana’s had finally gone, leaving us with more food than we could eat in a year. I sat a sweet potato casserole on the bar and turned to look at my parents.
“You’re going to a movie this late?” Dad asked, frowning as he sat down several pies he’d carried inside.
“It’s a midnight viewing for some vampire movie or something. She doesn’t want to go alone and I need to get my mind off things.”
My mom, who appeared better this evening than she had this morning, smiled. She seemed pleased I wasn’t planning on crawling into bed to cry. Wonder how she’d feel if she knew I was planning on crawling into the arms of the town’s bad boy to cry instead? I couldn’t worry about what she or Dad thought. Staying here looking into my dad’s sad eyes and my mother’s tentative smile would only cause me more pain. When I was with Beau I could forget for a little while.
“Good. Go out and have some fun. You’ve been spending too much time alone since Sawyer left. It isn’t good to be alone all the time,” Mom encouraged. Dad hadn’t seemed to be able to say much today. Looking at him caused the pain in my chest to open up again. I glanced back at Mom.
“I know. I just needed to adjust to Sawyer being gone. I hadn’t realized how much time I spent with him until he wasn’t here.”
Mom liked my response. She loved Sawyer but she always reminded me how getting too serious this young wasn’t a good idea. I still had college ahead of me. The guilt of what I was doing with Beau eased even more when I looked at my mom’s smile. I was lying to her about who I was with and what I was doing, but in a roundabout way I was doing what she wanted.
Normally this was when my dad would tell me to be careful and be home by eleven. Tonight he remained silent. Lost in his own world of pain. I gave them one last smile and headed for the door.
Chapter 7
I walked the short trail from my house to the park. I didn’t want my car left sitting in the parking lot for everyone to see. It wouldn’t take much for them to realize Beau had been parked there earlier and now my empty car was in its place. No one expected the preacher’s daughter to sin but they sure would love to catch me at it. Not that this was a sin exactly. Well, lying to my parents was, but Beau was Sawyer’s cousin and my . . . friend. I was pretty sure some of the places Beau had touched me and kissed me this afternoon fell into the sin category but I couldn’t bring myself to care. By the time I reached the park I’d almost convinced myself of our innocence.
The park was deserted except for one beat-up Chevy truck. I ran to the passenger’s side and jumped in before someone could drive up and catch me. Beau was smiling at me, and my heartbeat picked up its pace.
“I really like it when you wear sundresses,” he said before cranking up the truck and pulling out onto the road. I glanced down at the short hem on the baby-blue sundress I’d picked out and a tingle of anticipation ran through me.
“I’m not going back through town. Come over here,” he said, patting the spot beside him. I scooted over as close as I could without my legs touching the stick shift.
“That’s not close enough. Straddle it,” he said. I glanced up at him and he took his eyes off the road just a moment to meet my gaze. My heart did a little fluttery thing against my chest. I moved a leg over the stick shift and scooted over until my thigh was up against his. I was suddenly light headed as his hand rested on the stick shift between my knees.
“How late do I get to keep you tonight?” he asked, breaking into my thoughts.
“Oh, um, they didn’t say but then I don’t normally go out this late. I told them I was going to a midnight movie.”
He shifted gears then rested his hand on my thigh. I was beginning to understand why he liked sundresses.
“Good, we’ve got time to go to the bay,” he replied.
I hadn’t been to the bay in years. Sawyer never wanted to drive out that way. He said the water was nasty but I always thought it was beautiful.
“I figured it would be best if we didn’t hang out around here.”
I nodded because I understood his meaning. He didn’t seem bothered by the fact he was doing things he shouldn’t be with his cousin’s girlfriend. The thought reminded me of the image I’d had of Beau the past few years. He played games to his advantage. The sexy rebel who took what he wanted. Except that image no longer seemed accurate. He’d held me today without question as I cried and slobbered all over him. He’d stopped working to comfort me. Someone with selfish motives didn’t do that. Besides, if what we were doing meant he had a black heart then I had one too.
“You’re frowning. What’s going through your head?” he asked.
I thought about lying to him, since I was becoming a regular old liar, but I couldn’t lie to him too. This was something I needed to talk about before . . . well, before we went all the way.
“How I know I’m doing something wrong and I feel guilty but neither of those things matter enough to make me stop.”
Beau’s hand left my thigh and returned to the stick shift. I studied his large tanned hand and wondered how it was fair for someone to be given all perfect body parts. His grip on the stick was so tight the tanned color of his skin paled some. I wanted to reach out and soothe him, make the tension go away. But we had to talk about this. He didn’t say anything else or make a move to touch me. A sick knot of dread settled in my stomach as I waited to see if he was going to turn around and take me back. I’d reminded him of how wrong what we were doing was and he wasn’t dealing with it well. He loved Sawyer and I’d never imagined he’d do something like this to his cousin. I wasn’t any better. I was supposed to love Sawyer too and I did but not the way I should. As the silence stretched on I waited for Beau to turn the truck around and take me back to the park, but he kept heading toward the bay. After a few minutes, when I was sure he wasn’t going to turn around, I relaxed and waited.