I stand at the sink for a moment, washing my hands over and over again. The adrenaline rush I felt over her words starts to ebb and all of a sudden, I just feel tired.
When I make my way back to the table, I burn with anger seeing that Maeve has her chair pulled close to Cillian's, although I get a small measure of satisfaction that he seems to be ignoring her. Bending down near his ear opposite of Maeve, I whisper, "I'm kind of tired. I think I'm going to head home."
He looks disappointed as I'd expected and stands from the table, pulling me off to the side. "Are you sure? I was kind of hoping we could just hang with the band for a bit tonight."
"I'm sorry. I just have a bit of a headache and think I need a good night's sleep. But, please... stay and hang with your friends. I want you to."
He looks unsure as he glances back at the table, the lot of them laughing uproariously. "I don't want you walking home by yourself."
"Cillian," I say with exasperation. "I was walking myself home each night without you. I think I can manage."
"Yeah, but that was before you had me to worry about you." His words warm me but then I'm brought back to reality when he says, "How about you promise me to take a cab and then I won't have to worry?"
I give him a smile and I hope my eyes are warm enough so he doesn't see that I have a cold pit in my stomach. So much for being the one he wants to go home with tonight. "Sure. No problem."
I lean up to give him a quick kiss, hoping he'll make it linger. He doesn't. He accepts the swift meeting of lips and lets me say goodbye to the rest of the table. My stomach burns hotter over the look of triumph Maeve gives me as she says goodbye.
CHAPTER 18
Cillian
Renner is gone for all of two seconds when I realize I miss her terribly. I had thought an evening hanging with my best mates was what I wanted, but her absence is oppressive. It only takes me another two minutes to make my goodbyes and I'm heading out the door. I smile to myself seeing Sean's knowing look, all the while Maeve's look of disappointment causes my stomach to churn.
When I reach her apartment door, I have a stitch in my side from running. Why I didn't drive my car is beyond me, but I wasn't really thinking. I just naturally took the route that she and I had walked together so many times. Except this time I ran.
She opens the door and her eyes are wide with surprise. She's already ditched the sexy miniskirt outfit and has on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Her hair is pulled up, her face freshly washed and she's actually holding her toothbrush in her hand, a glob of toothpaste on it.
"What are you doing here?"
I step inside and close the door behind me. "I missed you."
"I've been gone for less than ten minutes," she says, skepticism written all over her face. I don't like that she would doubt me.
"It was ten minutes too long," I tell her as I grab the bottom of her t-shirt and pull her toward me.
When this girl became so important to me, I have no clue. But she makes me feel things I've never felt before. While I tried to teach her how to lose control every once in a while, the truth is... I'm the one without it anymore.
She sighs. "Cillian, I'm tired and I'm just going to go to sleep. You should head back and hang out with everyone."
Okay, this is not going according to my plan. I thought she would be happy to see me here. I envisioned her falling into my arms and then me making furious love to her... preferably bent over the couch this time. Instead, she acts like she doesn't want me here.
"What's going on with you, Renner?"
"Nothing," she says as she pulls out of my grasp and heads back to the bathroom. I follow her in there and watch as she turns on the water to brush her teeth. I lean against the doorframe, my arms crossed over my chest.
After she finishes and pats her mouth dry on a towel, she turns to face me but keeps her eyes on the floor.
I put my hand under her chin and tip her face up. Something is really bothering her and I don't like to see her sad. "Spill it, Renner. What's wrong?"
She gives me a tremulous smile and my heart nearly breaks over the quiver in her bottom lip. "I don't know. Nothing. Maybe everything."
I bring my hands up to cup her face, my eyes sympathetic. "Tell me what it is, and I'll fix it."
She brings her hands up and they clasp at my wrists. She takes a deep breath. "I'm just wondering... where this is going? Do you and I really even have anything in common other than the fact we like to f**k each other?"
Those words make me wince, because I can see how she thinks that. Every time I'm around her, I don't make any secret of how much I want her. But that's not all there is to us, surely. I mean, when she left The Hibernian tonight, my first thoughts weren't that I wanted to f**k her. No, my first thought was I just missed having her sit next to me. I missed her presence. Her smell. Her smile.
And I've never even told her those things.
Without another word, I bend down and lift her in my arms, carrying her back to her bedroom. She leans her head on my shoulder and the move touches me.
Laying her on the bed, I tell her, "Get under the covers."
I strip out of my clothes but leave my boxers on. I want her to understand this isn't about sex right now. Crawling into bed beside her, I pull her into my arms so her face is lying against my heart.
Taking a breath, I say, "I don't know where this is going, Renner. But I don't want to leave the path we're on. I want to see what's in the future for us."