Aideen stepped to my side. “Drop it, Bronagh.”
“No,” she replied to Aideen without looking away from me. “We're your friends, and I want to know what is wrong so I can help you.”
She was such a lovely person.
I forced a smile. “Bee, I'm fi—”
“Don't,” Bronagh cut me off. “Don't lie to me, Keela. I know you're lyin'.”
How?
I was silent for a long period of time, and during this time Bronagh, Branna, and Aideen just stared at me. Waiting.
“It's... It's just... I'm... I'm havin' nightmares. I'm rememberin' everythin' and I don't know if things are right with Alec. I just don't feel... right with meself,” I blurted out then quickly looked out of my bedroom and down the hallway to make sure none of the lads were there to hear me.
I looked back from the hallway to the girls and found Branna was looking between Bronagh and myself.
“Why are you lookin' at us?” I asked.
Branna nudged Bronagh. “Tell her.”
I blinked. “Tell me what?”
“I had them too... the nightmares.”
Her admission took my breath away a little. “You did?” I whispered.
Bronagh nodded, her eyes filling with tears. “I had them for a long time. They still happen every now and then.”
I swallowed. “Do you... do you see bad things?”
Bronagh nodded her head. “Yeah... I remember what I went through, but my mind adds my worries to my dreams and the bad things that I witnessed happen to Dominic or Branna, and I have to watch.”
I gasped. “Me too! I see everyone—me uncle, Marco, and the brothers. A shadow figure kills Alec and I can't stop it no matter how hard I try, but the shadow figure turns out to be me and I tell myself I don't deserve Alec, and then the brothers ask why I let him die, and then I kill myself at the end of the dream, and then I wake up. It's the same one all the time. Some things differ, but it's always Alec who dies and I'm the one to kill him.”
I didn't realise I was crying until all the girls stepped to me and placed their hands on me.
“It gets easier,” Bronagh whispered to me and pulled me into a hug.
She rocked me as Branna asked, “Does Alec know?”
“No!” I gasped and pulled back from Bronagh's hold. “And he can't know. I don't want to worry him.”
All the girls frowned at me, but I shook my head. “This stays between us—promise me.”
Bronagh groaned.
“Bronagh, promise,” I demanded.
She sighed, “I promise.”
I nodded and looked to Branna and Aideen, and they both murmured, “I promise.”
“Thank you,” I said.
Bronagh sighed, again. “The part of your dream where you hurt Alec, is it because you're scared to lose him or somethin'?”
“Or that you're goin' to be the one to end it with him?” Aideen chimed in.
The Murphy sisters gasped. “End it?” they asked in unison.
“You don't want to be with Alec?” Bronagh asked, her eyes wide with shock.
I glared at Aideen who held her hands up. “It was a viable question.”
I looked away from her and back to Bronagh. “I do want to be with him. I love him. I just don't know about how fast everythin' is movin' with us. It's so much for me to wrap me head around.”
Branna blew out a sigh of relief. “So explain that to him, he will understand.”
I frowned. “He won't, if he had his way we would be married and knee deep in babies.”
“You don't want that?” Branna asked.
“I do, but not right now,” I explained. “When he asked me to marry him we only knew each other just under two weeks. I fell for him too hard and too fast, I didn't think feelings could develop that quickly but they did and my acceptance to his proposal was fuelled on by almost losin' him to Marco and that entire fucked up situation. I was livin' in the now, when I should have been realistic and just started up a normal relationship and took it one day at a time.”
The girls all listened to me as I spoke.
“So you just wanna be engaged for a few years?” Bronagh asked.
I nodded my head. “We're still learnin' new things about one another, and findin' out little things here and there about our pasts from before the Bahamas. I just want it to be me and him simply datin' for awhile longer... is that so terrible?”
All three girls shook their heads.
“No, it's not,” Aideen said. “It's completely understandable.”
Oh, thank God.
“You have to tell him eventually,” Branna said after a moment.
I cast my gaze downwards. “I know, but I don't know how to go about it.”
“You might wanna try today before we take all your stuff to the new house.”
I froze. “I can't do that, he can't wait to move to the new house.”
Bronagh look deflated. “Better you let him know your feelings here than when you move into the new house and can't come back here.”
I thought on that for a moment and pushed the idea away. “No, I'm just extra touchy because of the move. Once we're settled into the new house I'll explain everythin' to him and we can go from there.”
None of the girls looked happy with my decision, but they accepted it.
We all stopped talking and I quickly wiped away my tears when I heard laughter come from outside my apartment. Bronagh wiped her eyes too, but it was obvious from the redness and blotches on her cheeks that she had been crying. She was cursed with the evidence of crying—she couldn't hide it.
The lads entered the apartment and they called out to us. Alec spotted us still in the bedroom so they all walked down the hallway to us.
“I win, Kitten.” Alec grinned. “I have more boxes packed than you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. I'm gonna poison your food.”
Alec laughed and looked from me to the girls. I saw the second his eyes landed on Bronagh and the change in his demeanour.
“Bee? What's wrong?” he asked, worry laced in his tone.
I smiled. They all loved Bronagh.
“Nothin',” Bronagh replied.
Nico stepped forward. “You were crying,” he stated.