“Well, if it helps… I mean, if you’re accepting of these characteristics trying to fight their way to the surface, Claire’s sassiness was always my favorite. She knew how to put people in their place and make them like her all at the same time.”
I grinned, because I remembered the story Nick told me about the day we met at school. I was completely sassy that day too, and he said it was one of the things he loved about me from the start.
Thea returned to the kitchen to grab another cup of coffee. I tossed the study guide to the table, letting it slap the top as it landed. When she came back, we both turned to face one another from our ends, our toes almost meeting on the center cushion. Hers were cherry red. Mine weren’t even clear-coated.
“So are the memories still coming back?”
I grimaced for a second. “Not really. I mean, I had a huge surge of them come through when Dr. Vitriz had me do that hypnotherapy when we first began, but since then, it’s like the door’s been locked and the key tossed.”
“So why not do some more hypnotherapy if it worked so well the first time?”
The left side of my face frowned and my fingers suddenly became interested in picking sofa lint, my eyes following suit. “She wants to but I keep saying no.”
“Why?” she asked cautiously.
“Because not everything that comes back to me is good. I have no control over which memories return. I’ve already got a lot of ones I wish I could forget.”
“Oh,” she said incredibly quietly. “I was afraid you were going to say that.” After a silent moment on my part, she asked, “About Zander?”
“Oh, no-no-no-no. I remember everything about Zander.” Kind of hard not to when you’re lucid for the whole thing. “What I got back were some moments with Charles and those people who convinced me they were my parents.”
“I’m sorry.” Obligatory response. I got it from most people when I admitted things. Except from Nick. He didn’t ever reply that way. Probably because it annoyed him that I used those two little words as much as I did. He preferred to just hold me and kiss my temple.
“God, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that crap. Especially not today.”
Okay… Why not today over any other day? She was here. I expected this kind of conversation to pop up at some point during her stay.
“Be right back.” And just like that, she disappeared around the corner and fled down the hall. I decided to reheat my coffee, so I headed for the microwave. I was just pulling my warmed mug out when I heard Thea’s quickened steps thumping across the floor. I turned just in time to have a blue gift bag with bright orange tissue paper shoved in front of my face. I stepped back automatically, almost sloshing my coffee over the rim.
“What’s this?” I asked. Obviously, the bag wasn’t going to move, so my hand reached up to accept it.
“Happy birthday.”
I froze as the cord looped over my fingers. I had completely forgotten. “Oh, my God, that’s right.” I let the bag drop to the island counter. My mug went down beside it. How weird was it that I spent the past few years thinking my birthday was February seventeenth? Fucking brainwashers gave me a new one. Guess it was just one more way of stripping my true identity from me. Now my birthday – or Claire’s really – was September twenty-eighth and I was five months older than I thought. Today I was twenty.
“You forgot your own birthday, didn’t you?”
“Guilty. Is that why you wanted to come this weekend?”
“Ha! What I wanted was to see my sister. But since your birthday was coming up, yeah, I aimed for this weekend.
“Open it,” she urged. She leaned sideways against the island to watch me, coffee in hand. I pulled the tissue free and peeked inside, a smile already forming on my face because I smelled the present before I even saw it, and I knew what it was. My mind immediately went back to that first memory I reclaimed just a few months back. The one when Thea and I were just two little girls playing with dolls.
I reached down and pulled out a vintage Strawberry Shortcake doll and chuckled. Her smell of candied berries was still going strong, like she’d been stored in a plastic bag all these years.
“Ta-da!” she sang. “I told you I’d find one.”
“And I told you that wasn’t necessary. But thank you.”
“Please! Like I was gonna live down the fact that the first memory you recalled was me destroying your doll and making you cry! Uh-uh! No way. Nick still gives me grief.”
“What do I do?” Nick asked sleepily from across the room. We hadn’t even heard him coming, yet he was already two steps shy of the kitchen. He must’ve put on a shirt with his sleep pants for Thea’s sake because he never bothered when it was just the two of us.
“Give Thea a hard time for ruining my doll growing up.”
He was already laughing, so no doubt it was true. “Every chance I get.”
Thea threw her hand in the air towards the coffee pot, where Nick had his back to us, making his cup. “See?”
“Yep. And replacing it won’t keep me from continuing.” He turned around and flashed her a wicked smile before taking his first sip.
Thea and I were both shaking our heads, but for different reasons. She thought he was being unreasonable and a little cruel, I just thought they were acting plain silly. But it warmed my heart that they got along well enough to behave like siblings who weren’t afraid to tease and give one another a hard time.
Deciding to top off my coffee before the pot emptied out, I moved next to Nick and laid the doll on the counter beside me. He took the opportunity to kiss me on the spot where my neck and jaw connected, then quietly said, “I’ll give you my present when we’re alone.”
“I’m right here,” Thea sassed as she moved to sit in the barstool closest to us. Whether it was because she heard what he said or that he kissed me intimately right in front of her, I wasn’t sure.
“Yes you are,” he said in a droll manner. “All weekend long.” He pulled the clip from her hair as he passed and she playfully slapped him away. He tossed it onto the counter and just kept on going, straight to the living room where I knew he’d turn on the TV to find something to watch. Thea shook her head and gathered her messy hair to re-clip. “Boys,” she muttered.
For the most part, Nick and Thea behaved for the rest of the weekend. It was actually kind of comforting watching them interact, because for once the attention wasn’t just focused on me. I was smiling. I was laughing. Hell, I think I actually made it through the entire weekend without thinking of my horrible past or my impending doom more than just a few times, and even those came on when I found myself alone at rare moments. And during the nights, of course, but I was good at keeping my thoughts focused on that little yellow book beneath the sofa or doing some internet searching. You wouldn’t believe the selection of hidden cameras available on the market. I thought I even found the one Zander used in Veronica’s bathroom – an electrical wall plate with the tiniest hole. No wonder I could never figure it out. Turned out practically anything could have a hidden camera these days. Smoke alarms, electrical outlets, clocks, fans – the simplest items in every room you never looked twice at.
Freshly showered, I meandered my way back to the living room. I could tell before I even stepped out of the hallway that they were semi-arguing. Thea kept saying why not? and it’s just five minutes and Nick kept turning her down. It all came to a halt when I crossed the threshold. They were side by side near the middle of the sofa, Nick leaning his head over the back of the cushion, Thea facing him sideways with bent knees. I moved to sit in the remaining reclining armchair. “Don’t stop on my account.”
“She should get a say,” Thea threw out, smacking his bicep with the back of her hand.
Tired or annoyed – hell, probably both – Nick shoved his hand over his head and roughly swiped his hair. “Jesus,” he muttered.
Crap. I really didn’t want to get dragged into this conversation. It was clearly about me, but I didn’t want them arguing about it the rest of the evening either. “About what?” I asked unenthusiastically.
“I think we should Skype with Mom and Dad. It’ll make them feel like they’re actually getting to see you.”
“Five minutes isn’t going to make them feel any better,” Nick complained.
Thea practically glared at him. “You go two months not seeing her. After everything that’s happened? It will!” Nick groaned, but I recognized the way he let it out. It was the kind of sound that preceded defeat. He was about ready to give in just to shut her up. And like she recognized it too, Thea added, “She’s their daughter, Nick.”
He rolled his head back down, his silent gaze fixated on me. We both froze when an unfamiliar jingle rang out in the distance. “Hell. It’s my work phone.” Thea got off the sofa, then climbed over Nick’s extended legs kicked up on the table and moved toward the hall. “Dumbasses are probably changing my schedule last minute again.”
He crossed his arms and continued to stare. “What do you want to do? Do you want to Skype with your parents?”
“You don’t think it’s a good idea, do you?”
His head lazily rocked side to side.
“Do you really think he’d monitor things like Skype?”
He shrugged with heavy frustration. “I have no idea what he’s capable of doing. Or what information he has. There’s always a chance he knows our Skype IDs and has a way to track IP addresses once we log on. But I just don’t know. That’s why I’m always fighting not to do things.”
My eyes fell to the floor as I nodded in agreement.
“But if it’s something you really want to do, something you’re willing to risk, then I won’t stop you.”
I sucked my cheek in and out between my teeth. I loved Thea for fighting for this, but I still felt the same way I did when I learned she was coming to stay. I remembered my family and how much I loved them, but I still felt incomplete in that department. Yeah, I wanted to get to know them and learn all over again what they meant to me, but it didn’t hurt me to be apart the way it did for them. Thea’s argument cut me though, made me feel a twinge of sadness and guilt. She’s their daughter.
I was so damn consumed by my own problems I kept neglecting to realize everyone else had them, too. Nick was miserable at work, Thea hated giving up her previous life for one she felt was subpar in comparison, and my parents were in a strange RV park cut off from everyone. In a way, I even took Thea away from them, because she had to change states just to switch jobs. She was no longer in the same city, available to come by for family dinners with them anymore. And Nick’s mom was probably just as devastated, given that Nick was all she had left.
I didn’t like this new sensation. Guilt. It was slow. Seeping out from my core, barely moving forward in curled waves. A little farther, a little bit more. Excruciating as it intensified, creating this damn ball of energy that pulsated, making me sicker and sicker inside, so much I wanted to keel over right there.
But I choked it down and said, “Maybe we should do it. Thea got to spend two days with us. Don’t you think they’ll be hurt if we can’t even give them five minutes on a computer?”
He sighed and closed his eyes. His face twitched, possibly being hounded by guilt as well. “Alright,” he answered defeatedly. “Where’s the laptop?”
I sucked in a sharp breath of air. Under the sofa! I threw myself to the floor and dug beneath his extended legs before he had a chance to open his eyes and grab it himself…and possibly something else I kept hidden under there. My hand slapped the sleek computer and pulled on it. “Right here,” I tried to say calmly.
He sat up, his legs falling to the ground around me, a twisted smile spreading across his face as he pinched me in while I remained crouched. I threw him a look that clearly said Really? His legs swayed back and forth, sandwiching me in and rocking me with them. He may have halted his workout routine since the gunshot, but his legs were still incredibly strong. The only way out was up and over his lap and he knew it. I tossed the laptop to the far cushion on the opposite end and pushed down on his thighs to raise up. He gave me just enough slack to stand up, but then his thighs squeezed me in again, making me sway off balance for a second.
“Nick,” I warned.
He just chuckled softly, then rose to his feet, landing a soft kiss on my lips. “I’ll go tell Thea she got her way. Again. Fire up the computer but don’t log on to Skype yet.”
He left me alone in the living room and I turned on the computer. He hardly ever used it since he had access to one at work. Before they could come back, I quickly checked to make sure I had deleted my browser history. It was something I always did after each session, but a part of me was so panicky inside that it wasn’t going to relent unless I double-checked. A few minutes later, Thea came back in, patting her hands together quickly, cheering yay! and grinning like an idiot. Nick was right behind her, keeping his expression neutral.
It was decided that I would sit in front of the screen with Nick, which left Thea to hang over the sofa behind us so she could watch the other end. Our parents could Skype with her any time, so she was more than happy to skip the camera angle. As he was connecting, Nick leaned over and whispered into my ear. “Keep smiling.” We shared a knowing look before he turned his attention back to the computer.
Less than ten minutes after Nick and I agreed to make this call, we were already connected and staring back at my parents’ excited faces. Part of me grinned just to see that, but I had to remind myself to keep looking like I was happy, just like Nick was doing as we said our hello’s and how are you doing’s. I understood his point. We both knew we weren’t the happiest of people right now, but we weren’t going to give my parents another reason to worry. If anything, maybe we could convince them we were adjusting better than expected, making it easier on their end. For my mother in particular, who I determined through reacquired memories could be quite the worry-wart.