I’m afraid he’s going to believe I set this up. I don’t want him mad at me.
The waitress reappears yet again with my drinks and she sets them on the table, smiling down at me. “Are you sure you don’t want anything else?”
“I’m fine,” I say and Jen says the same, so the waitress leaves.
“How far along are you?” Jen asks the second we’re alone again.
“Five or six weeks. I took a pregnancy test last week.”
“And you haven’t told Drew yet? You’ve been holding this in for an entire week?” Jen shakes her head and sips from her cup. “I would’ve burst by now.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve known for at least two weeks; I was just too damn scared to take the test and have it confirmed.” Sighing, I glance at the glass of orange juice and realize I don’t want it after all. Water is safer. “Wouldn’t Colin freak out if you got pregnant right now?”
“Well, yeah.” Jen shrugs. “But we aren’t married yet. We’re in no hurry. We’re definitely in no hurry to have kids yet, either.”
Their relationship is kind of weird. As in, they’re completely and totally committed to each other but neither of them feels the need to make it legal. It works for her, it works for him, and they’re the only ones who really matter in this relationship, so who am I to judge?
“You two have been together for years and you’re married, so I’d think Drew would be thrilled you’re having a baby,” Jen continues, sending me a pointed look. “Unless you’re the one who’s really unhappy? Because I know where we could go and get things taken care of.”
“Oh my God, no,” I breathe, the idea of doing what she’s suggesting flashing a big red no in my brain. “I’m not against that sort of thing but I want this baby, Jen. I want it more than anything.”
“So what’s the problem?”
She makes it sound so simple. I launch into the story of what happened in Boston. Hanging out with Amanda Thomas and her baby, telling Drew I wanted one, fighting over it, coming to the compromise that we’ll wait.
And now I’m pregnant.
“He’s going to shit,” I say after I explain everything.
“He’s also going to think you did this on purpose,” Jen adds.
“My biggest fear of all.” Propping my elbows on the edge of the table, I rest my head in my hands and stare down at my legs, at my still flat stomach. Will I soon not be able to see my legs at all? Will I have a giant belly that’ll make me waddle and look like an idiot? What if I get all bloated? Will Drew still find me attractive?
“You need to tell him,” Jen says, her voice soft. “Where is he?”
“He left for Chicago.” I drop my hands and look at her. I feel tears threaten and I blink them away. I can’t cry. I’ve cried enough this last week to fill a freaking river. I never do that. I’m a complete mess. “I was going to tell him last weekend but I chickened out.”
“Does Owen know?”
“No.” I shake my head. “He’d tell Drew. He’d tell everyone. He can’t keep a secret.”
“Are you having morning sickness?”
“More like morning, noon, and night sickness,” I say wryly, then take another sip of my water. “Plus I always want to take a nap. I told Owen I’m sick and that’s why I came back here, but that excuse is only going to hold up for so long.”
“That’s why you need to tell your husband you’re having his baby.” She stares hard at me. “You quit taking the pill when you suspected it, right?”
“Yes, absolutely.” I nod. My body had felt different a few days after I came home from Boston. I can’t quite describe it, but … I knew. Not at that precise moment, but something was up. I quit taking my pills a week later, figuring I’d go to the doctor for a different prescription.
Instead, I found myself knocked up.
“Are you going to Chicago this weekend?” Jen asks.
“No, I’m staying here. The weather is for crap, and I don’t think I’d be up to traveling anyway. I told Drew I was sick, too,” I admit miserably.
“Oh, Fable. You gotta be honest with him. He’s your man, your husband, and now the father of your child. He might be shocked, but he’ll get over it. What’s done is done. And he’s going to be happy. Trust me.” Jen smiles and I want to agree with her. I want to be confident that Drew won’t be upset or think I did something to deceive him.
But I’m scared. This is something Mom would do. In fact, she did just this with Owen’s father, who I can barely remember, he was in and out of our life so quickly. They weren’t married, but they were pretty steady for a short, intense period of time.
Then she got pregnant, told him, and he bailed. I don’t remember the details because I’d been young and I didn’t care, but here I am, so proud of the fact that I changed my path. I’d been sure I was going to turn into my mother. I looked like her, I was working the same sort of jobs as her, I had the same reputation. Then I met Drew and he changed everything.
My true colors slip out every once in a while, though, and bleed all over my new life. The old me isn’t completely out of my system yet. Though I hadn’t planned any of this, had not tricked him on purpose, something happened. Perhaps I forgot to take a pill or took one too late? Had it been some sort of subconscious thing? I don’t know.