I push up out of his lap, swatting at his hand that tries to pull me back. “No, no, no, no,” I say, punctuating it with a stomp of my foot on the thick carpeting. “End of discussion. You’re not leaving the NHL.”
The remainder of the smile Zane was sporting slides off his face, and a dangerous glint sparkles back at me. “I’ll do whatever I want… and what I think is best for us,” Zane growls at me.
I snort…loud… and toss my head back, looking down at him with condescension. “Puh-leeze. You’ve known me for what… five minutes, and you’re ready to give up your career for me? You’re a daft man, Zane. I won’t allow it and, if you insist on it, I’ll just have to break up with you.”
Lips drawn downward, eyes suddenly devoid of any luster, Zane stares back at me with impassivity. I just hurt him… I know, and in this one brief moment of startling clarity, I understand something that maybe I had suspected all along.
I fucking love this man.
I may not have spent a lot of time with him physically, but I know him, and know him well. He has provided everything I could ever want in a lover and a friend, and hell… a potential life mate.
But it is because I love him that I can’t let him do this.
Softening my voice, I lean over and place my hands on his face, completely uncaring that Linc is watching this little drama unfold. “I can’t let you give that up for me, Zane. We’ll find another way, okay?”
His green eyes pierce into me… flicking back and forth between my own, digesting what I’ve said so far. His voice is tense… a little aloof when he nods. “Sure. We can talk about this later.”
Leaning forward, he gives me a small kiss and then pulls away to sit back on the couch.
I’ve been dismissed.
“Um… Ever wants to know how much longer until you’re ready to eat?”
Zane doesn’t look back at me but stares blankly at the TV. Linc gives a slight cough, and my head turns his way. His eyes are empathetic… conveying he understands what I just said, and maybe even a little thankful I won’t let Zane do something so crazy.
“The game should be over in about twenty minutes,” Linc says.
“Okay… we’ll go throw the steaks on the grill then,” I mutter. Giving another glance at Zane, who now appears to be transfixed by the game on TV, I turn and walk back to the kitchen.
My head is still spinning when I make it back to the kitchen, and I plop down on one of the stools at the island. I grab another mushroom and distractedly pop it into my mouth. I didn’t like the way Zane was looking when I left just now.
“How much longer will they be?” Ever asks.
I raise my gaze up to hers and blink stupidly. “What?”
“When will the game be done so I know when to throw the steaks on the grill?”
“Oh… twenty minutes,” I say in a quiet voice, looking back down at the salad bowl.
“What’s wrong?” she asks. Because of the worried nature of her tone, I glance back up at her.
With a sigh, I grab one more mushroom but just hold it thoughtfully in my fingers. “I just overheard Zane and Linc talking about Zane leaving the NHL and playing in a European league.”
“Oh, that’s so romantic,” Ever says with a mushy grin on her face. “It’s amazing the connection you two have, and that would certainly solve the long-distance problem.”
“What? You can’t seriously think that’s a good idea,” I say in astonishment.
Ever looks at me warily. “Well, sure. Why not?”
“Because he can’t give up a professional hockey career for me. That’s just crazy.”
“Why is that crazy?” Ever asks as she layers diced cucumber on top of the salad.
“Because we hardly know each other. This is only the second time we’ve even seen each other. You don’t give up your career for someone you just met.”
“But you didn’t just meet,” Ever points out as she brandishes her knife at me. “You’ve known each other for months, have talked continuously from the way I understand it. Hell, the two of you practically finish each other’s sentences, so don’t give me shit about hardly knowing each other. Sounds to me like you’re just afraid of the commitment.”
“No,” I deny immediately. “I’m not afraid of committing to Zane. I’d kill to be able to have something more permanent with him, but I can’t allow that to happen at the expense of his career. It’s too important.”
“Then maybe you need to think about moving here,” Ever quips. “That would be another solution.”
I stare at her skeptically, because she makes it sound so easy. True… I don’t have the type of career Zane does. Hell, I don’t have a career at all, just a general idea of what I think I want to do with my life.
But I am immersed in a studies program that is important to me. It’s what I have to complete in order to move on to that next stage of my life, where I can build a career for myself. I can’t give that up the way Zane can’t give up hockey.
Which brings us back to the start.
I’m looking at having a long-distance relationship with the man of my dreams, and it just really sucks.
Chapter 12
Zane
Living out of hotels while playing on the road sucks. I drop my duffle on the floor and immediately start disrobing, eager to try to grab a few hours of sleep before the team’s plane leaves in the morning. Tonight’s game against the Blackhawks also sucked, and we went down bad… 6-2.