My mouth had been tilting up into a smile as I’d watched him get my favorite parts of the cupcakes for me . . . but his words had just clicked, and my smile fell. Looking at the two frosted tops in my hands, I asked, “So, you’d been planning to eat these with her?”
He nodded and winked as he bit into one of the bottoms. “More or less.”
“Got it.” I nodded with him and bit down on my lip.
Part of me wanted to smash the frosting and cake into his face for not seeing what he was doing to me, for how much he was killing me . . . but the rest felt too sick to do anything. My arms dropped to my lap, and I set the tops onto the counter before sliding off it.
“Are you not going to eat them?”
Turning to look up at him, I swallowed roughly. “No, I don’t feel that great. I’m just gonna call a cab and go home. I need to get my purse out of your truck though.”
His brow furrowed. “One, when have I ever let you call a cab? Two, if you don’t feel well, I’m not letting you leave. Three . . . no.”
“Eli, it’s not a big deal. It’s not late, why don’t you go back out so you can have fun instead of spending the night with me while I’m being all lame? Find another Oompa-Loompa to bring back and share the rest of your cupcakes with, or something.”
Brushing the cake off his hands, he hooked an arm around my neck and started walking out of his kitchen. “You’re the only one who eats all the frosting for me, I’m not leaving you alone if you’re sick—”
“Eli—”
“—and you’re Oompa-Loompa enough.”
My shoulder’s sagged. “I am not orange.”
“You’re short, you’re halfway there.” With a sly grin, he pushed me toward his room. “Change, I’ll go get your purse and be right back.”
I sighed and stared at the closed bedroom door for a few seconds after I heard his footsteps retreat down the hall. This wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to go home and take a long bath as I tried to forget the pain of being invisible to the man I loved. Not curl up on his bed with him like we’d done hundreds of nights since we were in college. Because all that would do would make me believe I could have the life with him that I was craving.
And that just wasn’t happening.
With one hard knock before the door opened, Eli poked his head in before walking all the way inside his bedroom. His lips tilted up on one side as he walked past me to change. “You always look like such a lost little girl when you’re in my clothes.”
Crossing my arms under my chest, I dropped my head to stare down at the floor and tried to ignore the tightening in my throat. He’s not trying to hurt you. He’s not trying to hurt you . . . My stomach clenched and my chest ached from his millionth reminder that he saw me as nothing more than his best friend.
“Hey,” he crooned, and tilted my head back. “Fuck, you don’t look good at all.”
“Language.”
Eli’s expression fell. “Do you want me to get you something before we go to bed?”
I shook my head, and my lips thinned into a hard line. “I would rather go home.”
His blue eyes ran over my face, the worry in them was clear. “Not happening. Get in bed.”
Not giving me an option—and not like I thought I would get my way anyway—he flipped off the lights, pulled me over to his bed, and propped up all the pillows the way I liked and knew he hated. Crawling onto the bed, I waited until he was on the bed with me and sitting up against the pillows with his arm stretched out for me, before curling into his side as he pulled the comforter over us.
“You’re not going to be able to fall asleep like this,” I stated dully.
He turned on the TV, leaving the volume down low, and tightened his arm around me. “I’m not tired. Just feel better, Pay . . . let me know if you need anything.”
I wanted to tell him medicine wouldn’t help me, but that would just move into a conversation I didn’t have the guts to have with him. Not when I was constantly being reminded that he didn’t share my feelings.
Within three minutes, Eli’s head had tilted back and lips parted as he fell asleep. His hand flexed against my arm, and I smiled as I allowed myself this time with him. This time when I didn’t have to worry about whether or not he would say something that would crush me again. Breathing in his clean scent, I let my body relax into his, and prayed for this night to never end.
“Happy birthday, Eli,” I whispered, and placed my lips to his chest before falling into a peaceful sleep.
July 28, 2013
Eli
MY EYES FLEW open when I heard the front door shut. Looking to my right confirmed Carrie was still in my bed. Trying not to wake her—but moving as quickly as I could—I got out of bed and grabbed my jeans off the floor. Pulling them on as I opened my bedroom door and crept down the hall, I strained to hear anything before glancing into the living room.
Whoever it was sounded like they were in the kitchen and weren’t trying to be quiet. I slowly rounded the corner, but relaxed and smiled when I saw Paisley’s purse lying on the floor.
“Morning,” I said as I walked past the wall blocking me from the kitchen.
Paisley jumped before a laugh bubbled up from her chest. “God, make a noise or something to warn me you’re coming next time.” Her brown eyes flashed down to my chest, and she quickly turned to go back to messing with whatever she’d brought over. “Don’t you have a shirt you can put on?”