Instinct told me to ask him to forgive me . . . I couldn’t stand the thought of him being mad at me or hurting because of something I’d done. But survival kicked in and took forefront. Because of my pathetic excuse for a backbone, he had been unknowingly hurting me since we were thirteen years old, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
I needed to stop waiting around for him to fall in love with me too.
I needed to stop letting him have this control over me.
I needed to start living for me. Not for Eli Jenkins.
Wrenching my arm free from his grasp, I turned and fled from the bar. I’d just opened the door to my car when Eli’s hand slapped down on the glass and slammed it shut.
“What was that, Paisley?” Before I could respond, he was talking again. “You know I don’t give a shit if Laura was still there or not. If you’re upset and about to start crying—you’re all that matters. You’re my best friend, if something’s going on with you, then you have my full attention. I’d already completely forgotten about her by the time you picked up my beer.”
I hated and loved that Eli wasn’t the kind of guy to yell. He’d always had a calmness about him, even in the most stressful of situations. To see him go off meant that whatever was wrong was wrong in an epic sort of way. But that didn’t mean he didn’t get mad. And I’d been around him long enough to pick out his emotions. It was all in his eyes and the deepness of his voice—and right now, Eli was hurt and pissed off. Knowing that, and seeing his calm exterior, was worse than just having him yell at me.
“Now I don’t know why the fuck you just went off on me, but tell me right now what happened to put you in the mood you’re in.”
“Language,” I chastised softly.
Placing his closed fist under my chin, he tilted my head back until I was looking in those hypnotic eyes again. “Paisley, you don’t cry for anything. Tell me who hurt you.”
You. It’s always been you. Tears continued to fill my eyes as I opened my car door again.
A broken exhale left him when I stepped away and climbed into my car. “Why won’t you tell me? You tell me everything. When did that change?”
When I realized I’ve been— And that’s when it hit me. Eli wasn’t hurting me. I’d been hurting myself by waiting for something I knew would never happen. I’d been hurting myself by allowing him to put us in this position.
Looking over at my best friend, and the man who had held my heart for twelve years, I wiped away tears and answered simply, “Tonight.”
August 30, 2013
Eli
I HUNG UP and threw the phone against the recliner before falling onto my sofa. What the hell was happening? Paisley and I usually didn’t go more than a day without talking, and that was if we were busy. It’d been a week since the night at O’Malley’s and she hadn’t returned any of my calls or texts. If it hadn’t been for Jason saying she was with Kristen last night, I would have already filed a missing persons report for her.
Raking my hands through my hair, I held them there as I thought back to that night. I didn’t even know how to explain what had happened with her. One second we’re watching the game and I’m trying not to pass out from exhaustion, the next she’s downing my Guinness, trying her hardest not to cry, and yelling and cussing at me.
There were a few things wrong with that picture. One, Paisley hates Guinness with a passion, and thinks German beer should be the only beer consumed. Two, I’ve seen her cry two times in all the years that I’ve known her and remembered them perfectly. When her grandpa passed, and when Johnny Gallo tried to ruin her publicly after she gave him something I wished she’d saved for someone who treated her like she was his world. Three, she has only yelled at me once and that was two days after she got her first car. We had covered her car in Post-it notes, but only after we’d finished Saran-wrapping the entire thing. And four, I have never once, in the twelve years of knowing her, heard my Paisley cuss. Ever.
I was planning another trip to her apartment when my phone went off with her ringtone, and I launched across the space from the couch to the recliner.
“Pay?” I answered, and exhaled a heavy sigh of relief when I heard her voice come through.
“Hey, Eli.”
“How’ve you been, are you okay? Goddamn, Paisley, I don’t even understand what happened last weekend.”
“Language,” she whispered, and a large smile crossed my face. “Do you think—uh, do you think we could talk?”
I was already going for my keys on the counter. “Of course, I’m on my way to your place.”
“No!”
Jerking to a halt, I paused for a few seconds before rolling my eyes and grabbing my keys. “I’m coming to see you.”
“Can you meet me at Grind?”
“You haven’t answered my calls in almost a week, and you want to talk about last weekend in a coffee shop? Are you serious?”
She sighed, and when she finally answered me, her soft voice was determined. “Yes.”
“All right, when?”
“I’m already here.”
And I was already running out my door. “I’ll be there in fifteen.”
I made it in nine.
I was trying to remain calm, but everything about this last week and her phone call had me on edge. Something had happened to her, and I needed to know what it was. I found her immediately at the table we normally sat at, and tried not to look like I was stalking over to her. She didn’t smile, and didn’t stand to meet me like she normally did, but I needed to reassure myself my Paisley was still here and okay.