“Logan,” he mumbled. “No Logan….”
Logan?
I shook his shoulders, trying to pull him from his nightmare. “Wake up, Logan, wake up.” I continued to grip his shoulders and when my eyes wandered the length of him, I noticed he had an erection.
His eyes opened and he let out a gasp once he saw it was me hovering over him.
“Are you okay?
He nodded, still staring up at me.
“What was the dream about?”
He closed his eyes just briefly, then opened them again. “I don’t remember.”
For the first time, I didn’t know if I could believe him. I had the nagging feeling that he was keeping something from me. His dream was about someone named Logan. Maybe it had been a bad idea to start calling him by that name. It clearly belonged to someone else.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked. I didn’t want to tell him that he had called out the name Logan any more than he wanted to admit to me what he had been dreaming about.
His breathing had returned to normal. “I’m fine. It wasn’t a nightmare this time.”
Oh. “Okay. Goodnight then.”
“Night.” He curled onto his on side of the bed, facing away from me.
I hugged my pillow against my chest, feeling for the first time that I truly was sharing my bed with a stranger.
The next morning neither of us spoke about last night’s dream, but it weighed heavily on my mind as I made our coffee. The dream had turned him on sexually, and he’d called out the name Logan. I knew I was developing real feelings for him, and I was beginning to suspect that this wouldn’t end well for us. There couldn’t be a happily ever after for someone who didn’t even know who they were.
I poured myself a cup of coffee and heard Logan get up and head into the shower. His new job was starting today. Having finished with the roofing job that had kept him busy over the past few weeks, he’d secured a job painting a mural on one of the buildings being made over as part of the renovation process. With his earnings from the construction job, he’d bought more clothes, and a nicer set of paints and brushes. His wardrobe now consisted of a few pairs of jeans, boxer briefs, socks and T-shirts.
Other than the nightmares, he was an easy houseguest to have around. He was neat and tidy, and did more than his fair share of the chores. Once he realized that I either skipped dinner altogether or ate a cup of instant noodles after arriving home, he also began cooking dinner for us. Other nights he’d call for takeout so at least we could sit down and eat together.
In other ways though, I could tell he wasn’t entirely comfortable living here. Every day he packed up his toiletries from the bathroom, his shaving cream, razor and toothbrush, putting them in the backpack in which he kept his belongings. I told him several times he could leave his things in the bathroom, since I was certainly no neat freak. A few extra things left out wouldn’t have bothered me, not to mention I’d come to enjoy the smell of his shaving cream and aftershave in the steam filled bathroom after his shower. I had even cleared out a spot in the drawer, but he seemed content with packing them up every day, like he didn’t really live here, but was only staying temporarily.
We never talked about him moving out and that was just fine with me. I had a feeling that without him and Tom my apartment would feel empty and depressing.
***
I pulled on my black shift dress, and slipped on a pair of heels. Giving myself one more glance in the mirror to be sure my makeup and hair were in place, I headed out to the living room.
Logan was sitting on the couch with my laptop balanced across his lap. He looked up at the sound of my heels clicking against the wood floor.
“Wow. You look nice. Where are you headed?”
“Thanks,” I mumbled, looking down. “I have a date tonight.”
“A date?” His face betrayed his confusion and another emotion I couldn’t quite identify…jealousy?
“Liz set me up,” I explained.
He nodded, regaining his composure.
“Will you zip up my dress?” I turned my back to him.
His fingers against my bare back as he zipped up the dress shouldn’t have excited me the way they did. Maybe this date would be good for me. I needed to stop fixating on Logan. Especially since it was clear he wasn’t interested in an actual emotional connection with me.
I grabbed my purse, and Logan went back to the computer, not looking up at me again as I gathered my things and headed out.
The date wasn’t as bad as I’d expected. Jason was nice, but something just felt wrong about dating someone who was still an undergrad. Rob the cradle, much? I knew Liz never had a problem with dating younger men, and that I looked young for my age so I shouldn’t either. But he was only twenty-two and more interested in keg parties than discussing world issues. I did my best to maintain the conversation, chatting casually with him throughout dinner, and the three glasses of wine I drank certainly helped to loosen me up.
After dinner he walked me to my apartment, and when he kissed my hand in the street and asked if he could come up, I could only nod. I was damn curious about how Logan might respond to me bringing a man home. If that was jealousy I’d caught a hint of before, perhaps seeing another man interested in me would force him to face his feelings for me. It might not have been the best plan, but with three glasses of Chardonnay down, my reasoning was shot. I lead Jason up the stairs and unlocked the door, my heart pounding in my chest.
I expected Logan to be sitting at the dining room table painting like he did every night, but the apartment was silent and dark. Oh. My anticipation died down and was replaced with a sense of dread. I now had an eager man who I wanted nothing to do with in my apartment and Logan wasn’t even here. That or he was in my room sleeping, but it wasn’t even eleven yet. He never went to bed this early.