I could’ve found someone to take the heat off with, but that feels like a huge betrayal to Samantha. So I haven’t. She trusted me when I told her I’m safe and clean and that I’m not sleeping with anyone else. She got back on the pill to prove it. I don’t intend to betray that trust either.
But my patience is running thin.
I take the turn that leads me one step closer to my office. I don’t really have to go in today, but I feel like I need to take a break from Samantha. Every day that we spend together, her allowing me to explore her both physically and emotionally, is a day that her past loosens its grip. I can see it in her body language, in her smile. I can hear it in her laugh. She’s happy. She’s free. But every day we spend together is also a day she might be getting herself into trouble and I don’t know how to stop it.
I think she’s falling in love with me. Despite my numerous warnings, I don’t think she’s even trying not to anymore. And I don’t know what the hell to do about it.
I guess I could just disappear from her life. Stop all this before it turns into disaster. But I can’t. I owe her.
Or is that just an excuse because I’m falling for her, too?
I’ve considered that possibility a couple of times. I have my doubts. Very serious doubts. Even if she were perfect for me in a dozen other ways, there are ways she could never satisfy me. And I think it would be completely irresponsible of me to go forward as if I didn’t know that and then one day break her heart because I’ve had enough.
No, it’s better to do it sooner rather than later.
And sooner is fast approaching.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE - Samantha
“You know you should run. I’ve told you countless times before that I’ll hurt you, that you’re not safe with me,” Mason reminds me.
I reach up to stroke his smooth cheek with my fingertips. “Stop trying to push me away. I’m not leaving you. Can’t you see that I love you? It’s too late for me. The past is the past. You are my future.”
I take a step back and curl my fingers in the neck of my shirt, tugging sharply until the buttons down the front give way. I know that doing this will push me past the point of no return. I know that if I bare my throat to him, that if he bites me one more time, there’s not going back. For either of us. I’ll be joined with him forever. Even if he leaves me. But that’s a chance I’m willing to take.
I turn my chin to one side, exposing the throbbing vein in my neck.
“Take it, Mason. Take my blood. One more time. I want to feel your teeth inside me. And then I want to feel you inside me. Bite me. Then make love to me.”
As has become my habit since meeting him, even though Alec is not a vampire, I find myself drawing uncanny (and probably unhealthy) parallels between my life and Daire’s, between her dilemmas and mine.
There are no supernatural curses for me to contend with. There are no blood ties that I must worry about. But I feel like the more time I spend with Alec, the more permanently bound to him I become. Some small part of me is still aware that he could and most likely will be leaving me eventually, but that part is not nearly large enough to stop the free fall I’ve found myself in. Alec is practically perfect for me in every way.
Unfortunately, the one way that he’s not will probably be the one thing that takes him away from me. Permanently. Like Mason hungers for blood, Alec hungers for a sexual satisfaction that I can’t provide. I don’t know how strong the urge is, but I have a feeling it must be pretty intense. He’s had to fight it for years.
But he doesn’t always win.
I shake off the ever-niggling worry and head for the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. Hearing me puttering around, Jinx hops up on the barstool and arches his back for some attention.
“You hungry, too, boy?”
His purr is drowned out by the ring of my cell phone. I take it from the pocket of my shorts. My heart does a little extra tap when I see Alec’s name on the screen.
“Hi,” I answer cheerfully, unable to keep the smile from my voice. I feel like smiling constantly when he’s around. And often when he’s not.
“Hi,” comes his gruff reply. His voice is like velvet, smooth yet coarse at the same time. “I’ve got something to pitch to you. Feel free to say no if you’re the least bit uncomfortable with it.”
“Okay,” I say easily. There was a time when I’d have felt anxiety about a conversation that started this way. But not now. I know Alec would never hurt me. Not on purpose. And certainly not sexually. He’s proven that a zillion times over.
“I’ve got a thing tonight. I had forgotten all about it. I don’t really want to go, but it would really look bad if I didn’t. It’s a big schmooze being hosted by one of my bigger clients.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“Oh, I can assure you, it will be anything but fun.”
I laugh. “Oh, I don’t know. You have a way of keeping things… interesting.”
His pause speaks volumes. “Here’s the thing: The woman that’s hosting it is a founding member of the club. I’m sure there will be a few other…patrons there, too.”
An ache begins to form behind my eyes. “So what kind of a…schmooze is this?” I assumed he meant some kind of social slash political thing, but he might be using some sort of sexual lingo I’m not familiar with.
“Oh, it’s nothing like that. It’s…no, it’s nothing like what you’re thinking. It’s just that sometimes they make inside jokes and comments and…references, things that I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“If that’s all you’re worried about then don’t. As long as no one tries to drag me off into a padded room, I’ll be fine.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m positive.”
“All right then. Pick you up at eight.”
“I’ll be ready. And Alec,” I say, stopping him before he can hang up.
“Hmmm?”
“Thank you for being so considerate.”
“No problem,” he says flatly. “See you tonight.”
I stare at the phone long after Alec is gone. His frustration is on the rise. He’s having a harder time hiding it. I don’t know how much longer he can go on like this.
As I sit thinking about him, that tiny niggling feeling that Alec will soon be leaving becomes more than just a niggle.