***
It was around noon when we finally dragged ourselves out of bed. We showered together, another slippery session that had me coming in her mouth, before she booted me out, telling me she had to beautify herself. When I was with Jenn, the beautification process usually took half the day—shaving, waxing, scrubbing, sanding, welding—so I let Perry be and went about tidying up the apartment.
There was a knock at the door that had me puzzled. I knew Perry and I could be pretty vocal, so I hoped it wasn’t a prudish neighbor, irate that I was getting some and they weren’t. But then I heard a snuffle and a scratch at the door and knew the person on the other side was the opposite of a prude.
I opened it and saw Rebecca in the hallway as a white devil darted through my legs and scampered into the apartment, his claws scratching up the hardwood floors.
“Hey sweetheart,” I told her with a grin as Fat Rabbit tore about the living room in circles.
She smiled tightly, looking a bit off. Oh, she looked as f**ktastic as she usually did—tight dress, fishnets, Betty Boop shoes, a Louise Brooks bob. But she wasn’t wearing her trademark red lipstick, and that was strangely troubling. It was like seeing Homer Simpson without those two squiggly lines on the top of his head.
“I’ve been trying to call you,” she said, her English accent sounding clipped, and stepped in and walked past me. She heard the shower running and raised her brow. “Perry’s still here?”
I looked at her askew. “Why wouldn’t she be?”
She shrugged. “So I guess everything went fine in Canada?”
“Yes…kind of. Sorry I didn’t call you, I didn’t have time to recharge my phone yet.”
“When did you get back?”
“Late last night…”
Her eyes drifted to the shower again. “Everything okay between you guys now?”
I folded my arms as Fat Rabbit sniffed around my ankles. “What’s with the one hundred and one questions, Miss Rebecca?”
She rubbed underneath her eyes and it was then that I noticed her black as death eyeliner was gone too. Who was this imposter?
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Are you okay?” she asked right back.
We stared at each other. Fat Rabbit flopped down to the floor, bored with us.
I said, “I told Perry I loved her” at the same time that she said, ‘”Em and I broke up.”
Then she smiled and I frowned. “Shit, I’m sorry.”
“You told her you loved her?”
I waved my hand. “We can talk about that later. What happened?”
She exhaled loudly and walked over to the couch, sitting down in a similarly dejected pose like the dog.
“She wanted different things than me,” she mumbled, her face in her hands. “And I knew, I knew this day was coming. I knew I’d have to choose what I wanted over her, even though, f**k Dex, all I ever wanted was her.”
I bit my lip, unsure of how to comfort her. I’d never seen Rebecca rattled before. “I’m sorry. You wanted to get married, didn’t you?”
She nodded. “Yes. I mean, I wasn’t pressuring her, at least I don’t think I was. But I feel like I drove her away. We could have compromised…maybe I could have been more understanding. But you know, I wanted to adopt children one day, blimey, maybe even have one myself. I wanted a family and she…she doesn’t. I knew from the start that she wouldn’t come around, I knew we were going to crash and burn. The last year I just let myself keep falling for her, tricking myself, like a bloody tailspin and there’s that little voice telling you to ‘pull up, pull up’ and I didn’t.”
She was making airplane analogies. This really wasn’t good. I came over to her and sat beside her, putting my hand on her shoulder. It was bonier than I remembered and I wondered if she’d stopped eating.
“I wish I knew what to say,” I said, feeling stupid. Usually I had tons of shit to spew, but this, what she was telling me, was hitting a little too close to home. In some ways, I knew how she felt. The need to start a family, to finally have a f**king family, was something slowly creeping up on me, day by day. I wondered if that’s why I’d been coming on too strong with Perry, if instinctually I wanted to get started on something that I’d secretly wanted for a very long time.
And then the thought of Perry’s miscarriage hit me in the gut and I swallowed away the pain, trying to focus on Rebecca.
“I know,” she said. She lifted her head and wiped away a tear. “There’s nothing anyone can say because there’s no good and bad or right and wrong here. It’s just bloody life and it really, really sucks sometimes.” She shot me an apologetic look. “Sorry, Dex, I know you know that more than anyone.”
I smiled gently. “True. But it doesn’t mean it won’t suck for anyone else.”
The shower turned off and I heard Perry sliding back the curtain. Rebecca straightened up and plastered a smile on her face. “So tell me about Perry before she comes out here and we have to speak in code.”
I grinned and got up, fishing a handful of Kleenex out of the box on the coffee table and handing it to her.
“I’m pretty sure Perry would break that code,” I told her, my voice a bit lower.
“Let’s try,” she said, and after dabbing at her tears, she made an “O” with one hand and jabbed her other finger in and out of it. “Any of this?”
I laughed. “Oh, there’s been plenty of that.”
She smiled, no longer fake, her eyes looking brighter. “That’s excellent! And you told her you loved her. That’s so…I’m so proud of you, Dex. Finally. So what did she say?”
I raised my brows. “Uh, well, here’s the thing…”
“Rebecca!” Perry exclaimed. Our heads swiveled over to the bathroom where she was stepping out with soaking wet hair, her towel barely covering her br**sts, and looking shocked.
“Hi, Perry,” Rebecca said, tearing her eyes away from mine. I couldn’t have been interrupted at a better time.
Perry grinned uncomfortably. “Let me go change before I flash you.”
“That wouldn’t be a problem,” Rebecca said, just as I was thinking it.
I cocked a brow at her. “You perv.”
She shrugged as Perry disappeared into the bedroom. “I’ve been hanging out with you too long, Dex.”