My stomach knots at the memories. “You have one of these programs in Shelbyville.”
Evelyn beams. “Yes, they were one of our pilot sites.”
That’s how they have a photo of me.
Thankfully, I don’t react like I did with the photo.
A little blonde girl slams her pencil on the table and drops her head over her paper. I kneel next to her and to see what’s frustrating her. She’s working on subtraction problems, and she’s gotten several wrong. Her name is written carefully at the top of the paper—Desiree.
“Subtraction’s hard, huh?” I tilt my head to get a better look at her, but her hair falls around her face.
Her head bobs, but she keeps her gaze down.
“My name’s Caroline. Can I have a look?”
Her fingers splay across the sheet and she slowly slides it toward me.
“Do you use a number line?”
“I forgot it at school.” Her voice is muffled.
“We can make you a new one.”
I look up the teacher in the room. “Do you have a scrap piece of paper I can use?”
She gets up from the table. “Sure.”
Reed fills the doorway, his face expressionless as he watches me. Evelyn stands inside the room and looks like she’s ready to move to the next room.
“You go ahead,” I say. Lexi is the integral part of this meeting. I’m just a tagalong. “I’m going to stay here with Desiree for a little bit if that’s okay.”
Evelyn smiles. “Yes, of course, dear. I love that you’ve made a connection with the children.”
Reed takes a step into the hall to let Evelyn out, but he hesitates in the doorway and looks torn about leaving me behind before walking down the hall. While the hormonal part of me is disappointed to see him go, the rational part of me is glad.
The tutor hands me a piece of paper. “Thanks for helping out. The program has gotten more kids this semester and we’re having trouble helping all the children.”
“Glad to help.”
The tutor turns her attention to the boy next to her.
Desiree is still hiding behind her hair so I start to make a number line, making twenty tick marks.
“I wasn’t very good at subtraction, either,” I say as I start to number.
The little girl stays silent, but her face has lifted more so I can see her cornflower blue eyes.
“Do you know what’s funny?”
She shakes her head, her eyes wary.
“I do all kinds of subtraction now, and I like it.”
“You do?”
“Yep.” I give her a big smile. “Did you know I go to school too?”
She shakes her head.
“I go to college. Guess what I’m going to be when I graduate?”
The girl sucks one side of her lower lip into her mouth before she says, “A teacher.”
I shake my head. “Uh-uh. I bet you’ll never guess.”
“A doctor.” Her voice is bolder, and she’s looking directly at me now.
“Nope. A fashion designer. Do you know what that is?”
She shakes her head, looking embarrassed.
I lean closer as though I’m about to share a secret. “Well, a fashion designer makes clothes for people to wear, but it’s so much more than that. They decide the fabric and color of the clothes, and how it should be cut out of the cloth. They can help people feel good about themselves by making them something beautiful to wear.”
She’s still silent, but she’s listening intently.
I write the last numbers on the line and place it in front of her. “But measurements are important.
You have to make the clothes fit the person’s body or it doesn’t look right. Moving a seam just a tiny bit can make the difference in a person looking just okay or beautiful.”
Her eyes widen. “It’s like magic.”
I smile. “It sounds like it, doesn’t it? But it’s really math. Knowing how to add up the measurements and subtract them is the trick of it. And it all starts here.” I tap on the paper with her subtraction problems.
We work on the problems for several minutes, using the number line and Desiree is more confident when we finish. “I get it now.” She offers me a shy smile.
“Good. It just takes lots of practice. And do you know what?”
She shakes her head, her gaze on me.
“Maybe you’ll like math so much you’ll study it in college like my friend Scarlett.” I look up at the doorway. Reed is standing on the threshold watching me with an unreadable face. I have no idea how long he’s been there. “And my friend Reed.”
His eyebrows lift in surprise.
Scarlett would choke if she could hear me right now. I’ve done nothing but tease her about her math-geek status and here I am suggesting this little girl consider it for a major. “Math is really important. You use it for everything, and it’s pretty easy once you get the hang of it.”
“But you make people beautiful.” Desiree says. “I wish you could make me beautiful.”
A lump forms in my throat and I try to swallow it to answer. “Oh, Desiree. You’re already beautiful.” But I know what she’s saying. I was her years ago. I see her faded and worn jeans. Her stained T-shirt that’s been worn many times.
“Why do you want to be a fashion maker?”
“A fashion designer?” I could give her my pat answer, the one Reed made fun of, and she’d never know the difference. This little girl was me. She deserves the truth, but Reed is standing in the doorway listening to everything I say.