And I got it. I understood. It even made sense, and she was probably the saner of the two of us at that moment.
And so, life went on for us.
Cady went back to Ireland, and I stayed here to play hockey.
We talked every day, even if only for a few minutes to say goodnight or good morning. We sent quick texts to each other, and when we had time, wrote lengthier emails. It’s amazing, but when you don’t have a physical proximity to someone you care for, you compensate in other ways, and for us, that meant striving to deepen our connection in whatever way we could.
And yeah… I talked Cady into routinely getting on Skype with me, where we watched each other get off. It wasn’t as fulfilling as being with her in person, but I would take whatever intimacy I could get at this point.
Yawning, I type a quick reply to Cady.
To: Cady Dunne
From: Zane Kavanaugh
Subject: Re: Guess What?
Date: December 13, 2014
Chicken butt? Seriously, that’s your rhyme? Lame, lassie. Just lame.
I hate it but looking at my schedule, there is absolutely no way I’m going to be able to make a trip to the East Coast at Christmas. We have a home game on the 24th and then I fly out to L.A. on the 26th. I don’t think Christmas is in the cards for us… but have you given any more thought to flying out here maybe around March like we discussed (letting me pay for it, of course—no arguments)? That’s only three months away. We can handle that, right?
Hate that this is so short, baby, but I’m exhausted. We played like shit tonight, so you didn’t miss much. Talk tomorrow like we planned.
Love,
Zane
Yup… I decided to match her “L” word for “L” word in the signature. We may not have declared our love for each other, but I was pretty sure it was there. I mean, I know damn well that I love her. It’s something that didn’t become clear all at once, but rather as every day passes and Cady becomes more a part of my life, the burning desire and care for her just grows exponentially. It’s just more of a deep understanding within me that I love this girl and even though every day without her is painful, I know that deep down, we are going to figure a way to make this work.
I just haven’t figured out the details yet.
Chapter 13
Cady
December 24, 2014
I’ve done some crazy things in my life, but none crazier than this.
It was crazy when I switched all of my da’s underwear for ones that were two sizes smaller than what he normally wore, and even crazier when I serenaded Jimmy O’Shea in front of the entire school, and the craziest of all was when I had a one-night stand with a gorgeous hockey player.
But yup… this takes the cake.
Our plane landed at JFK right on schedule, and I followed behind Mam and Da as we made our way down to baggage claim. I stood by the carousel and watched the luggage go round and round. I thought to myself how similar this was to my life. I was going in circles and while sometimes, that produces a delicious spinning sensation, the truth was that Zane was standing to the side… and I kept passing him by.
Maybe because it was Christmas, and this was a magical time. Maybe it was because every day that passed, I missed Zane more and more, even as I found myself falling deeper in love with my man across the ocean. Maybe it was just time for me to make a bold move with my life.
“I’m going to Phoenix,” I blurted out to my parents, and both sets of eyebrows rose up at me in surprise. “I need to be with Zane for Christmas.”
My parents didn’t try to talk me out of it. They could tell I was determined, and while I wasn’t sure they really understood how close Zane and I were, they above all else wanted me to be happy. Renner giggled and hugged me hard, and Cillian kissed me on my cheek and wished me luck.
He whispered in my ear, “You’re doing the right thing. You belong here… permanently in the States with your man.”
I pulled back in surprise and looked at his eyes, which were leveled shrewdly at me. I hadn’t told anyone about my decision to stay… to move to Phoenix. Oh, I knew I’d have to go back and get things handled back home before I could make the move, but on the flight over here, I thought about all the potential ways our relationship could be ruined, and really pondered the only way it could be saved. And that would be for me to move.
Yet, I hadn’t said that… only that I was going to Phoenix for Christmas.
Cillian leaned in and chucked me under the chin. “I know you, Cady. You’re staying. Let me just say, love, the happiness on your face speaks volumes.”
So yes, I grabbed my bag, went back into the main check-in lobby of the airport, and maxed out my credit card buying a ticket to Phoenix. I went back through airport security and patiently waited for my 4:35 PM flight.
I only sent one text to Zane, to tell him that I landed safely in New York and that I would talk to him tonight. Little did he know that said “talk” would be a little more up close and personal than he had envisioned.
The cab pulls into Zane’s neighborhood, and my skin hums with excitement. It’s early evening, and it’s getting dark. The houses are lit up with Christmas lights, and I see sparkling trees in many of the front windows. The air is a little chilly, but I know tomorrow will be warm and dry. I think I’m going to like this Phoenix weather.
Zane’s house looms closer.
“Don’t pull in the driveway,” I tell the driver. “Maybe just a little bit down from the house.”
I don’t want Zane to know I’m here just yet.