So very reluctantly, my hands move from her h*ps to her shoulders and I push her gently back. I keep pushing until she scoots all the way off my lap. Leaning toward her, I take her face in my hands and place a kiss on her forehead.
“I think it’s time I head to bed,” I say as I stand from the couch.
She’s confused, I can see it on her face. But hell...so am I. I don’t know what to do with this situation and I need some time to figure it out.
I don’t look back at her as I walk away.
13
I’m beyond confused. I’m stupefied and frustrated. I’m angry at myself, and angry at Linc.
It’s been four days since that kiss.
That amazing kiss!
I’ve tried to analyze my actions. I’ve tried to reconcile my feelings. I’m not coming up with one damned thing that makes any sense to me.
I’m going to blame Halle Berry. The sex scene in Monster’s Ball was so animalistic and heated, that I immediately started picturing me and Linc in that scene. And the minute I did that, I went red with embarrassment...because the object of my fantasy was sitting just two feet from me.
By the time he invited me to cuddle with him, I was a raging mess of hormones. All I could think about was kissing him, about having his lips against mine, and his hands all over me. I still cannot reconcile who this woman is. I am by no means a prude, but I am also not someone that would come on to a man so intently. I’m usually not bold enough or confident enough in myself as a woman.
Add in the fact that my sexual ego was practically smashed by Marc, and you should have a woman that is content to stay inside of her shell.
But apparently, Linc Caldwell does something to call to my inner sex goddess.
I had no control over my words. Once my lips touched his, I had no control over my actions. All I know is that suddenly, I’m looking at Linc Caldwell in a different light and I want him...badly.
Unfortunately, he doesn’t appear to want me. He broke the kiss and went to bed. He gave me a platonic kiss on my forehead and left me alone in the living room, my body screaming for something that only he could give me.
And since that moment four days ago, he hasn’t said a word about it. He’s acting like it never happened, and I’m taking my cue from him. He apparently wants to put it out of his mind, and I’m trying to do the same.
But damn it all to hell...I can’t. There is no way I’m going to forget that kiss and what it could have led to.
And to make matters worse, Linc has been unfailingly polite to me. We still run together every day, and I’ve joined him for his workouts. I even went back to the hospital again to see Kyle with him. I almost would prefer it if he was angry with me or something.
I glance over at him now. We’re driving out to his father’s house for a cookout. I made a pasta salad to bring and Linc stopped at the store to grab some beer. I’m actually thankful that we are doing something today that involves other people. Something to alleviate a bit of the tension swirling between us.
I think back to the other day when we were eating lunch after visiting Kyle that first time. I had asked Linc why he didn’t tell me about his visit with Kyle and he told me it was because he couldn’t trust me not to think the worst about him. He expected me to take something that he was doing from the goodness of his heart, and look at it with such skepticism, that I would never have believed the genuineness of his actions.
And it saddens me that my own distrust has caused Linc to hide a bit of himself from me.
Did I do that to Marc in any way? Was I too remote with him and that caused him to f**k around on me?
I think back over my relationship with Marc. Sure, in the beginning, I was very closed off. I was suspicious of him and his actions. When he first told me he loved me, I almost laughed at him. It was only through his perseverance that I finally wore down enough to open up.
But now I’m wondering if I really let him in all the way.
“Are you coming, Ever?”
I blink and look around. We’ve pulled into the driveway of Linc’s childhood home and I had not even realized it. Linc is actually standing outside his car door, leaning in to look at me.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I shake off my worries about Marc and the way I treated him. I try to put that phenomenally fantastic kiss out of my head.
“I’m fine,” I say as I get out of the car.
Linc’s father turns out to be one of the nicest men I’ve ever met. And it both warms my heart and gives me a pang of jealousy to watch him interact with Linc and Nix. They laugh and banter about with an ease that bespeaks of an unbelievably tight bond among them.
There is a lot of love and respect there. Something I’ll never have with my father. I don’t know if I even feel love for my dad. I know I don’t like him. And I’ll never respect him.
“So, Ever...what exactly did my son do to get you so riled up to write that article about him?”
We are all sitting around a large patio table in Hank Caldwell’s backyard, having just gorged ourselves on barbequed chicken. I feel like a deer caught in the headlights. Everyone is silent, waiting for me to answer. I glance at Linc, but his face is impassive. I look back to Hank, and he has a look of genuine curiosity on his face. Thankfully, I don’t see any anger, and I heard no bitterness in his voice. Nix has a sly smile on his face and Emily...well, she’s glaring at me which has been her look of choice all afternoon.
But damned if I can think of a thing to say. I swear I can hear crickets chirping in the distance, the silence is so oppressive.