I bite my bottom lip. “I don’t expect you to do anything.”
“So you don’t care if I go out with another woman?” he asks, his voice a little strained. The thought physically hurts, but I don’t show him any weakness. If he wants to do that then go ahead. That means he wasn’t meant for me anyway.
“You can do what you want, Grayson,” I say without emotion.
He curses. “All this because I went away for a few days without telling you? Do I have to report to you or something?” he snaps.
Wow. Taken aback, I turn to look at him. “That’s not it, and you know it,” I grit, my jaw clenched. “But if you’re going to be an ass**le, then please just leave.”
“Well, you won’t let me talk to you about it, so I can’t even explain,” he says, looking frustrated. I don’t know why, but I can’t help but feel like he has a guilty air about him. Am I going crazy? I don’t want to turn into one of those women who questions everything their man does because deep down they know that they can’t trust him. Yeah—that’s never going to be me.
“Paris, I’m sorry,” he says, his dark brown eyes pleading. My gaze lowers to his mouth. I haven’t seen his dimples since the night we almost made love. I miss them—like f**king crazy.
“Okay, I’m listening,” I say, looking directly at him.
His shoulders drop as he sighs. “After what happened with us… Look, I want you. More than anything. There’s something about you, we just… fit. I had to go away last minute with my dad on business, and I thought I’d take that time to gather my thoughts. I know I should have told you, but I was confused and...” he trails off, searching for words. “Will you give me another chance?”
After a few tense moments of silence, I speak. “You were confused? What about exactly?” I ask. If he thinks he’s going to get away with some evasive half-assed apology, he has another thing coming.
His eyes dart away, and his hand runs over his head. “I haven’t felt this way about anyone before,” he says after a few tense moments. “I’m at a loss, Paris. I don’t want to make a mess of things, but that’s all I seem to be able to do.”
I exhale deeply, watching him as he keeps his head down.
“I’m not perfect,” he says.
“I don’t expect you to be perfect,” I mutter. And I don’t. I’d appreciate some honesty though. I cringe at the thought. How hypocritical of me. What the hell am I doing here? This whole thing is one huge clusterfuck. I stand up and clear my throat so he looks at me.
“I have to go,” I say. I hate seeing the sadness in his eyes.
“Yeah, okay,” he says, his head going down again. I sigh, but force my feet to move. I need to get away from him, because now he’s not the only one who’s confused.
*****
Anaya greets me at the door as I return from work that night. “Hey, what are you doing awake?” I ask her as I close the door behind me.
“It’s late,” she says, her eyes filled with worry. I slide my phone out of my bra and look at the time. Three in the morning. I had to stay back a little later tonight, because the club was packed.
“Yeah, we had a busy night so I had to stay back late,” I tell her. I walk into my room, and she follows me, trailing behind.
“What’s the name of the bar you work at again?” she asks. I still, then turn to look at her.
“Why?” I ask her.
“I’m curious,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest. Fuck, I don’t want to lie to her. She’s pretty much my only friend in this town. I sit down on my bed and pat the space next to me. She sits down, and I cringe as I realise I’m going to tell her the truth.
“I know you haven’t been telling me the truth, Paris,” she starts.
“I work at Toxic,” I tell her. “It’s in the city on William Street.”
She plays with the ends of her red hair, thinking. Then she freezes and lifts her wide eyes to me. “Toxic? As in…”
I nod, swallowing hard. Unable to hold eye contact with her, I glance around my room, looking for a distraction.
“Wow,” she says. She clears her throat after a few seconds of silence, and then turns to look at me. “You’re a stripper?”
I grit my teeth, hide my shame, and nod once.
“It’s always the quiet ones,” she mutters under her breath. I can’t help it; choked laughter escapes at her comment. She shakes her head at me and gives me a lopsided smile. “Maybe you could teach me some dance moves sometime?” she asks quietly, nudging me gently with her shoulder.
“Maybe,” I reply. She grins.
We spend the rest of the night talking about it.
It’s then I know that everything between us is going to be all right.
Chapter Eleven
After telling Anaya the truth, I’m feeling lighter than ever. It’s been a few days since we had our deep and meaningful conversation. We also spoke about Grayson. The man himself walks into class just as I’m thinking about him. He looks at where I’m sitting straight away and walks in my direction. Sitting down in his usual seat, he gives me a small smile.
“Hey,” he says. “Did you finish the assignment?”
I raise an eyebrow. I’ve seen him twice since our last conversation, and each time our short words have been stilted and apologetic. Not to mention awkward.