Michael texted back:
Why have you left me for a middle-aged band teacher? ;-)
I understand. I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.
He signed off with an emoji of a melting snowman.
Poor Michael. Since getting engaged to me, he’s:
1. Had the fact that he was getting married announced to his parents over the radio.
2. Had the small, family-and-friends-only beach wedding we planned turned into a monster affair that will be internationally televised and at which there apparently won’t be mini grilled cheese sandwiches or a mashed potato or a build-your-own taco bar.
3. Lost his apartment to news vans and paparazzi and been forced to live out of a hotel.
4. Discovered his future father-in-law has a secret younger daughter.
As much as I adore Michael and think he’s the type who can weather any storm, I don’t know how much more he can take.
I don’t know how much more I can take either.
After I texted Michael, I texted his sister:
<Lilly Moscovitz “Virago”
HRH Mia Thermopolis “FtLouie”>
What are you doing?
What am I always doing lately? Memorizing the black letter rules. Thanks for having your wedding a week before New York State holds its bar exam in July, by the way. That is not at all inconvenient for me, nor is it freaking me out in any way.
Sorry, it wasn’t my decision. So, has anyone told you the one about the princess who turns out to have a long-lost sister living in New Jersey?
I am coming over RIGHT NOW.
You can’t.
I sent her the photo I’d texted Michael.
Why is there a dentist from Scottsdale, Arizona, sleeping on your couch?
He shaved. He’s upset that I found out about that thing I mentioned, and is basically having a midlife crisis.
Give me the 411 about that thing you mentioned and I’ll LexisNexis her.
English, please.
God, you are such a princess. It’s the database we use to access legal and business documents online. I just need her name and city of birth.
A “dossier” on her was already prepared by the RGG.
And I’m sure Grandma’s dossier was very thorough. Now it’s time to let Big Lilly take charge.
Lilly, the RGG is a military organization that has been in existence since the 1200s.
Oh, yeah, and they’ve done a great job catching your stalker.
Fine. Olivia Grace Clarisse Mignonette Harrison, Cranbrook, NJ.
Delete this message.
Done. One moment please while I research. Here is some soothing music for while you wait. “A Million Stars” by Boris P.
Not funny.
Quiet please, processing.
You know Tina is still in love with him.
HA! She would be.
She doesn’t have a heart made of stone like you do.
THERMOPOLIS!! YOU WERE SERIOUS!!! YOU HAVE A $!$T5R!
Yes, I know, I just told you that.
Well, what are you going to do about it?
I don’t know.
GO GET HER, Liam Neeson in Taken style.
She’s only 12 and not in any known danger of being sold into sex slavery.
You need to get to know her and instruct her in the ways of the princess force.
That’s not a thing.
It is, actually, I’ve seen it in action. Also, she needs to be your flower girl at your wedding to my brother.
How do you even know what one of those is? I thought you hated weddings!
Only other people’s, not yours to my brother. Actually, she’s too old to be a flower girl.
Wait, how do you know how old flower girls are supposed to be?
Nothing. I don’t.
Lilly! Have you secretly been watching all those bride shows on the Learning Channel on Friday nights like the rest of us ?
No. Take me with you when you go to get her, though. I have a particular set of skills . . .
Are you drunk studying again?
. . . skills I have acquired over a very long career.
OK I’m going to bed now, I don’t have time for this.
Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
Lilly, this is serious.
I know. We’re seriously doing this tomorrow. I’ll clear my schedule.
Good night, Lilly.
;-)
Good night, POG.*
*Princess of Genovia. It’s been years and she still won’t stop calling me this. I’ve given up.
Even so, it’s nice to know that beneath that hard outer shell, she’s still got that sweet gooey middle. All the law school in the world can’t change that.
Three more things I’m grateful for:
1. My friends, who really are wonderful (even if they’re lunatics).
2. My dad (even though he can be a lunatic, too, at times).
3. Cheesy bread.
CHAPTER 44
9:05 a.m., Wednesday, May 6
Third-Floor Apartment
Consulate General of Genovia
Rate the Royals Rating: 7
Dad’s gone. He’s left Queen Margrethe’s blanket neatly folded on the end of the couch, along with a note. The note says:
Mia, thank you for the hospitality. Sorry about my behavior last night. I don’t know what came over me. I feel much better today. Perhaps it was the cheesy bread.
In the light of day I feel that it is much better if we don’t pursue the subject we discussed last night. It is, after all, an election year, and that particular subject could hurt me in the polls. And as mentioned, I don’t know that I have the necessary qualifications for that particular position.