Colton lowered my leg as he rested his forehead against mine. His chest rose just as rapidly. I didn’t say anything as we both struggled to gain control over what our bodies demanded, but him putting the brakes on where this was heading was obviously the smart thing to do.
All of this felt so fast and I knew it could quickly get out of hand, but I…I wanted it to do that. I liked Colton. I’d liked him in high school. I’d liked him from afar when I’d moved back home. I really, really liked him now.
And that was terrifying.
Chapter 10
Hitting send on the e-mail, I smiled at the computer screen. I’d busted ass since I’d woken up, foregoing showering and even changing out of pajamas until I reached the last page.
The glamorous life of an editor.
Finished with the edits, I pushed out of my chair and picked up a dry erase pen. Carrying it to the whiteboard hung near the desk, I scratched a line over Other Lives. Nothing made me more giddy than marking something off from my to-do list.
Actually, that wasn’t entirely true.
Colton took the top spot of things that made me giddy right about now.
This last week had been…absolutely amazing, almost like I was a teen again or in my early twenties, buzzing around happily. I’d forgotten how it feels, to be…to be caught up in the excitement and anticipation of seeing someone, to actually be feeling something strongly again, because if this week had taught me anything, it was that the last four years had been only about my career and nothing else.
But this week had also taught me a lot more.
Since Colton worked ten-hour shifts, he had three days off—Sunday, Monday, and oddly, Wednesday. Of course, he was on call those days and it didn’t seem like he really had them off. Due to the shooting last week, he was in the office both Monday and Wednesday, following up on leads, but both evenings I spent time with him. Monday was the movies, something I hadn’t really enjoyed since Kevin. Wednesday we grabbed dinner at this restaurant in town, one I’d never been to before because it seemed like a couples kind of place.
Both nights had ended like Sunday night, in a way. He would kiss me at the door, but somehow we ended up on my couch, his body covering mine, his mouth claiming mine, and his hands doing crazy-insane things to my body. Just thinking about it now, as I rolled the pen between my hands, created a heady rush of sensations. I flushed and my body responded as I remembered how his hand felt between my thighs and how easily his skilled caresses worked my body into a frenzy.
And he always stopped before either of us found any release. He was an expert tease. Or maybe he just didn’t want to go that far and—I cut that thought off, slapping it away like it was nothing more than a worrisome fly. That thought didn’t even make sense. It was stupid.
I was done with being stupid.
Besides, things were already progressing crazy fast between us. It made sense that some area of our relationship would be slowed down, which is basically what he’d said. I could and did respect that, and part of me was glad that there was something holding us back. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t ready for that. Well, my body was. I had a feeling that what beat strongly in my chest was also on board, but my head…my head had a hard time letting go of the noxious, poisonous whispers.
I’d never thought of myself as someone who had self-esteem issues. I had my body hang-ups, like any normal woman, but the lack of intimacy and the reintroduction of it shined a really harsh light on the way I viewed myself, on how unconnected I was with my own body.
The way Colton looked at me, how he touched me, drew my focus back to myself. He probably would have no idea what that meant for me…or probably what that was doing to me.
I placed the pen back in the coffee cup an author had sent me, pulse pounding in all the interesting, distracting places. It was Sunday and we’d made plans to see each other this evening, nothing further or more concrete than that, and I was still edgy with anticipation.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure I ever felt any of this with Kevin. Not because my feelings for him were weaker, because they weren’t, but we’d gotten together so young. What I felt then was nothing like what I felt now, and maybe if Kevin and I had met when we were older, I would be experiencing this with him.
All the maddening rush of emotions was a bit too much to handle. It was like seeing only in black and white, and suddenly everything was in vibrant colors. My stomach dipped as a thread of realization weaved its way through my thoughts.
Was what I was feeling something more powerful than lust and the excitement that came with new relationships? Was it love?
I swallowed hard as I turned from the dry erase board, my gaze crawling over the spines of the books I’d edited while in New York and from freelancing, but I really didn’t see any of the titles.
Had I already fallen in love with Colton?
That sounded so, so ridiculous. We’d only come back into each other’s lives a week ago, and we really hadn’t been in each other’s lives before. Not really. But what I was feeling was powerful, reminiscent of what I felt for Kevin.
It was strange to think about him while thinking about the four-letter word and Colton, all in the same sentence. It wasn’t a bad feeling, like it was wrong or anything, but just odd.
Tucking my hair back behind my ears, I pressed my lips together. It wasn’t like I never wanted to fall in love again. I had hoped that I would, but it wasn’t something I had imagined happening in a long time. For one thing, I really didn’t put myself out there to even meet anyone. To do that, I’d actually have to go out more often.