But she had to stay mad. Anger was a shield, and if she let it fall, she’d break down, and she’d deserve it. She was an idiot for letting him in. He had no interest in a real relationship at all. Hell, he had no real interest in her seeing as how he had a perfect chance to tell her he was falling too and he didn’t. This must be his M.O. and now she was on the receiving end of love ’em and leave ’em. Screw their friendship. To hell if they were going to be able to stay friends now.
But Becker was a good guy and her boss, so she couldn’t take it out on him. She stared at a bottle on the counter, wanting to throw it across the room, watch it explode and take the hurt with it.
“You okay?” he asked.
She was not okay. She was not okay in any way, shape, or form. “Yeah, totally,” she lied and scrambled for something else to talk about. “My friend is moving back here soon. I can’t wait to see her,” she said, trying to focus on anything but Smith and the fact that she hadn’t heard a word all day. She was wound up now, her insides a twisted mess of worry and regret. She’d been played like a fool, hadn’t she? Believing she was special, and being left when it suited him.
She didn’t know what she’d do when she saw him again, but she’d have to figure it out now because he strolled in the door, looking quite pleased with himself. He held his arms out wide, as if he were leading a victory parade.
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,” he said, nodding to Becker. “But especially to the lovely lady behind the bar.”
Jamie took the deepest breath she’d ever taken in her life, letting the hurt that came with it expand throughout her entire body. She picked up the bottle of wine that had gone unopened, whirled around, and marched to the back room to tuck it away. Seconds later, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off.
“Hey, darlin’, you okay?”
“Don’t ‘hey, darlin’’ me.”
He didn’t seem to process what she’d just said, because he reached for her, trying to touch her hair, but she slipped away from his grasp.
“I texted to tell you I was on my way back.”
“On your way back? From where? From your construction job? From the Burn Center? Or just from getting away from me as soon as you possibly could?”
“Excuse me?”
“You took off like you couldn’t wait to leave this morning. You knew this was hard for me, taking a chance like this, and we’re supposed to be friends. You’re supposed to be able to be honest with me, but instead you just left, and—” she said, and like a strong wind that came out of nowhere, all her anger was gone, and in its place were thick hot tears rolling down her cheeks. “Was it all just about sex after all?”
“Jamie, no, I swear. It’s more than that. You have to believe me. You have to trust me,” he said, reaching out to grab her arm.
But she couldn’t even trust herself or her own emotions. Because she’d never expected to feel so much for him, and now she felt like a fool.
“I have to go,” she said and she stalked off, grabbing her bag from behind the counter, uttering a quick good-bye to Becker and telling Kaitlyn she needed to go since her shift was over. She rushed outside, greeted by the laughter and music and noise from the Spring Festival across the street, already underway in the town square.
She wished it were night, and a dark sky would shadow the tears that slid down her cheeks.
…
“Man, I will never understand women,” Smith said, pulling up a stool and parking himself on it.
Becker chuckled and filled a glass from the tap, sliding it over. “Buddy, I don’t know any man who truly does, so join the club.”
“I don’t get them. Not one bit,” he said, taking a long swallow of the cold beer. Damn, that tasted good. He tapped the side of the glass. “This? Beer? I understand beer. And I understand fires and how to fight them. And I understand hammering nails into wood. But women?” He shook his head several times.
“Wish I could help you. I’m happy to try, though, if you want to lay it on me,” Becker said, resting his hands on the bar counter. “After all, I’m kind of playing bartender here tonight.”
Smith hadn’t told his friend any details yet, and Jamie was his employee, so he erred on the side of caution, not using names. “There’s this woman,” he began.
“Yeah, I’m clear on that part,” Becker said with a wry laugh.
“And she wasn’t sure about going out with me, thought I wasn’t the relationship type. That I couldn’t be serious. But we started to get close, and now she’s worried I don’t really care about her in the same way. ”
Becker raised an eyebrow. “But you do, right?”
“Yes. Fuck yes. But she didn’t even give me a chance to explain. And that’s what makes me crazy. She took off the first time we were together, and now she did it again. She never gives me a damn chance.”
Becker started wiping down the counter. “Listen. It’s a new relationship. You just need to be honest with her. Tell her how you feel, and reassure her—”
“But she walked out when I tried to tell her,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “And that makes me wonder if it’s worth it. Or if she’s just going to flip every time something happens.”
“Was she crying?”
He flashed back to her exodus, recalling the way her eyes started to fill with tears. “Yeah,” he said tentatively, not sure what Becker was getting at.