“But something happened?”
“Yeah, something happened. After listening to your damn moans and bedpost knocking against the wall for thirty minutes straight, we were a little hot and bothered. Cohen got out of the hot tub sporting a giant erection and I followed him inside and… took care of it.”
Her jaw dropped.
I hadn’t meant to make it sound like I was performing an act of public service—trust me, I’d enjoyed taking care of it, of him, way more than I should have. I wanted nothing more than to repeat that every day. And the thought of being his first, having him deep inside me, watching the joy and pleasure on his face was enough to get my mind to dive straight back into the gutter.
I held up my hand. “Don’t start, okay? We didn’t have sex. And I don’t think either of us regrets what happened last night.”
“Fine. But this can’t happen again, Liz. You’re temping him. And I know you don’t have much self-control.”
I set down my coffee mug roughly on the side table. “Enough. Did I counsel you on your relationship with Aiden?”
“Yes.”
I pressed my mouth closed. She was right. But that was different. Aiden was in a mental hospital—under arrest—and I’d been concerned that he was dangerous. It seemed her concern wasn’t for me, but for the innocent Cohen. “I’m going for a walk,” I blurted.
I set off down the deck stairs and stalked off toward the beach. I began walking with no particular destination in mind, just needing some space from Ashlyn and my growing feelings for Cohen. As much as I hated it, Ashlyn was right. I needed to walk away from Cohen before either of us got hurt. But somehow I knew I wouldn’t.
I winced as my pace demonstrated the need for a bra. But I hadn’t really planned on needing to get away this morning. I crossed my arms over my chest and continued my trek down the beach.
I was so lost in my thoughts that when I finally focused on my surroundings I didn’t recognize anything around me. I hadn’t kept track of time, and had no idea how far I’d gone. Feeling weary, I plopped down into the sand and lay back, looking up at the blue sky.
I hated that Ashlyn was probably right. I didn’t know what I was doing with Cohen. He was a good boy, I was a hot mess. I knew it was a very bad idea to use him or lead him on, because ultimately I wasn’t looking for the whole marriage and babies thing, and I was pretty sure he saw that in his future. I thought I was that kind of girl at one time, but not now, not after the accident and everything that followed. Sometimes I wished things had turned out differently, but I knew that was just a wasted effort. I wouldn’t dwell on the past. Doing so would never change how things had turned out for me. It was best to accept it and move on.
I took a deep breath and sat up. I spotted Cohen in the distance, jogging down the beach toward me. When he drew close, he lowered himself onto the sand next to me.
“Water?” He held a bottle out to me.
“Thanks.” I accepted it and took a swig, washing the bitter taste of coffee from my mouth.
“Why’d you take off? Is everything…okay?”
I buried my feet into the damp sand, unsure of what to say.
“Are you mad about last night?”
Mad? At him? God, no. I turned to face him, and his blue eyes locked on mine with such honesty I was taken aback. “Of course not, Cohen. I wanted that. I wanted you.” I still did. “Is that okay…what happened between us?”
He laughed, a deep, throaty chuckle. “Hell, yeah. That was much more than okay.”
I smiled up at him like a giddy idiot.
He shook his head. “Why’d you take off this morning?”
I rolled over and tackled him to the sand, straddling him with my thighs. “It had nothing to do with you. I’d take a repeat of last night right here if you’d let me.”
He laced his fingers behind his head, relaxing. “Go for it, babe. I just wish we had that damn coconut oil.”
I chuckled. “You liked that, didn’t you?”
“Fuck, yeah. I think you’ve spoiled me from jerking off without it from now on.”
Oh God, the image of him alone in his apartment—doing that—I would never be able to sleep alone again, lying in bed imagining him stroking himself.
I snuggled into his neck, the smile still on my lips. “How did you learn how to…” I paused and swallowed, deciding the best way to word my question. “You were really good at going down on me. Way better than most guys.”
“Really?” He met my eyes, smiling.
Jeez, guys could be so cocky. “Yeah.”
“I’ve probably just had enough practice. I haven’t had sex, but I’ve definitely done all the other stuff, Eliza. I am a guy.”
Sometimes I forgot he was regular guy. I wasn’t sure when it began, but I realized now I’d placed him on sort of a pedestal.
He sat up suddenly, hauling me with him. I figured it was my cue to crawl off his lap, but his big, warm arms wound their way around my waist. He pulled me in closer and breathed in against my neck. “What am I doing with you, Eliza?” he whispered against my skin.
I didn’t know if it was a rhetorical question, or if he was expecting an answer, but I remained still and just let me hold me while I could.
“Easy E?” He pulled back and looked at me with confusion. “What is this? What do you want?” His voice was deep and heavy.
I swallowed roughly, and laid my palm on his roughened cheek. “Cohen. I’m not the churchgoing, white-picket-fence type that you’re looking for.”