He chuckled. “Yeah.” His head fell back against the pillow and he closed his eyes. “I don’t know if this is such a good idea, Eliza.”
I bristled at his use of my full name. “Because you’re seeing someone?”
He opened his eyes again and looked at me. “Actually, no. We only went out a few times, and I haven’t talked to her since I met you.”
Since he met me? “Oh. Then…?” What’s the problem? I added silently.
His hands moved from my shoulders to my waist and he tugged me in a little tighter toward him. I took it as a sign and angled my mouth to meet his, then waited.
Cohen’s lips brushed against mine, barely touching, his warm breath mingling with my own. It was incredibly hot and made me anxious for more. “I know I shouldn’t, but God I want you.”
Without further protests or explanations we continued kissing for several minutes. I found myself on my back with Cohen hovering above me, kissing and nibbling on my collarbone, jaw, and neck. I rocked my hips against him, eager for more contact. I forgot this kind of foreplay existed. My appointments with Stu were usually straight to the point, insert object A into object B. And most other guys I’d been with were the same way.
“Fuck, you feel good,” I murmured in between short breaths.
I felt him smile against my skin.
I was two seconds away from begging him to f**k me when he suddenly stopped and pulled back to look at me. “You. Are. Trouble.” He peppered my lips with kisses, punctuating each word.
I couldn’t help but grin. It’d been a long time since I’d been told I was trouble. Guys typically appreciated that I was an instigator. Sensing that Cohen wanted to stop, I scooted out from under him and up toward the headboard until I was half sitting. He sat next to me, propped up in the same way, trying to get his breathing under control.
I felt dizzy and confused. I tried not to frown and adjusted my shirt, which had ridden up to expose my belly. Cohen’s eyes flashed hungrily at my skin, before looking away. I didn’t understand what was stopping Cohen from wanting more with me. Was I not his type?
“Are you okay?” Cohen asked.
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
He ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he took my hand and turned to face me. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I know you’re not looking for a relationship.”
I sensed he was trying to find the right words, but it was also something more.
“That doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun though, right?”
He let out a ragged breath. “You’re toxic to my willpower,” he whispered, as if talking to himself. “Growing up with a single mom, who was only a teenager when she had me, she drilled into me to never to get a girl pregnant. The way he left her… God.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.” He stared up at the ceiling and pulled in another breath. “I vowed to make something of myself. I’ve been working full time since I was fifteen, became a volunteer firefighter when I was eighteen, and I vowed to never treat a woman the way my mother was treated.”
“Cohen, I don’t understand. I’m not worried about getting pregnant, I’m on the pill.”
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I…”
“Cohen?” I placed my palm flat on his stomach. “Tell me.”
“I’m waiting for the girl I love.”
“Waiting?”
“Waiting,” he said firmly.
Oh, f**k. Waiting! I felt like the breath was knocked out of my lungs. A virgin? This good-looking, beautiful man? Was there something wrong with him I was unaware of? Deformed? Small package? Oh, please don’t let him have a small package.
I pushed away the crazy thoughts swirling inside my head. It was an honorable thing he’d chosen. He clearly loved and respected his mother, and he didn’t want to repeat his father’s mistakes. But wasn’t this a little extreme? I didn’t know anyone who’d chosen to remain celibate for so long. Well, except for Ashlyn. She once admitted to me she was a virgin until she was twenty-two.
“Eliza? Say something.”
“Are you waiting for marriage?” I asked.
“No. I’m, just waiting for the right girl, I guess.”
I knew it wasn’t an idea I should even entertain, but part of me wondered if I could be the right girl for Cohen, if I would be his first. I pushed the thought away as quickly as it appeared. He and I were interested in two very different things. I couldn’t allow myself to get attached to anyone. And Cohen wanted the full package. Love, romance, marriage. He was more traditional in his views, maybe because he grew up without all that. I knew no one could make me happy but me and to not put stock in something that might not last.
He picked up my hand and laced his fingers with mine. “I just wanted to be up front. Other girls have had strange reactions and gotten pissed…” he tapered off.
“They’ve gotten mad?”
“Yeah. One girl I went out with a few times last year got pissed when I wouldn’t and she started screaming at me and left in the middle of the night.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.” He traced his finger down the length of my forearm.
Hm. I could see his choice hadn’t always been an easy one, but he’d stuck to the decision he made. It was commendable, even if I couldn’t understand it. “Well, thank you for telling me.” I pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. I wasn’t sure what this new information meant between us.