“Then why did you push so hard for sex? Why couldn’t you wait until I was ready?” My heart had also broken when I left him, but I’d been sick of the constant fighting. He’d pushed at me every second—asking, wanting more.
“I don’t know. I wanted to know what it was like to have sex. I thought if I gave you time we’d get back together after a couple of weeks, but then …” Thanks to my friends, he knew what happened next. “Can I ask you a question?”
Not really sure I was up for any more of Luke’s “questions,” my body rose and fell with an exaggerated sigh. “Sure.” Why not?
“Do you still love me?”
I leaned up on my elbow and forced myself to look at Luke. Really look at him: his blue eyes, black hair and that face I used to love to kiss and caress. “I’ll always love you, but I’m not ‘in’— not yet. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine you’d want me back after I became the freak.”
His finger skimmed my cheek. “You were never the freak, Echo. Not to me. I spent the past year and a half waiting for you to work out whatever you needed to work out. My entire world fell into place the day you came back to the cafeteria.”
My eyes widened. Wow. Simply wow.
“I want you ‘in’ again and I think the best way for you to fall is to jump. I think we should pick up where we left off. I think we should have sex.”
My intake of air made a loud gasping sound. “What?”
“Not now, but soon. I bet if we do, you’ll be ‘in’ again.”
I knew I must resemble a goldfish in a small bowl, with my mouth opening and closing over and over again. Odd, I’d gotten my wish—I could have sex with someone who loved me— but I’d forgotten to add that I wanted to love him back. “I don’t know.”
He simply smiled. “Sleep on it.”
Sleep. Oh, how funny.
“HOLY CROW, ECHO. You hibernate for a year and a half and wake up with a bang.” Lila finished changing out of her church clothes and into a tight pink sweater and blue jeans. “Luke tells you he still loves you—and by the way, told you so. And Noah stinking Hutchins tries to kiss you. And you complained you were going to die a virgin.”
I continued to sketch while lying on the bed Luke had abandoned moments before Lila walked in. “Don’t count that out yet.”
“Ha.” She pulled her golden hair up into a slicked-back ponytail. “Luke’s begging for it, and Noah, well, from what I hear, sex is what Noah does best.”
“Hear from who?” I asked, way too quickly and with too much enthusiasm. I kept my eyes on the sketch pad and forced my hand to keep working. Maybe Lila had missed my sudden and very loud outburst.
Lila bounced over to the bed. “Ooh, my little Echo is crushin’ on a boy toy. I’d love to see him with his shirt off. I bet his abs are to die for. Emma from the dance team had Noah as a snack between guys last summer. Rather, he had her for a snack. She said he blew her mind.”
The tip of my pencil broke. Jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk. Incredibly hot, extremely sweet jerk.
“Soooo, which will it be? The boy that loves you or the boy you’re lusting after?”
How could such a question come out of the mouth of someone who looked so ethereal? Glinda the Good Witch had a dirty mind. No use hiding behind my sketch pad anymore. I tossed it and my broken pencil onto my nightstand. “Luke may love me, but he’s not exactly thoughtful.”
Lila lay down beside me and took my hand. “True. He’s self-absorbed and has a one-track mind—anything that pleases him. But you have feelings for him.”
“But I’m not ‘in’ with him.” Not like I was “in” with Noah either. I internally sighed. God forbid I go three seconds without brooding over Noah.
“Noah’s hot,” said Lila, “but you know that’s not going anywhere. You just got your life back. Dating him would be a social nightmare. Besides, you don’t have feelings for him.”
He’d shared his hamburger with me and made me laugh. Not polite laugh. Not fake laugh. Like laugh so loud people stare at you. Spit-out-your-milk-through-your-nose laugh. And I’d told him about my mom and he’d found a way to make me feel better.
“Echo,” said Lila sternly. “Please tell me you don’t have feelings for this guy.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I mumbled. “He isn’t going to the Valentine’s Dance.”
“Yeah. That was a totally weird answer, but I’ll take it. So, topic switch. You need to be on birth control.”
Twice in one day I found myself sympathizing with a goldfish. “No. I don’t.”
“Yes. You do. I’ll bet my Big Buddha bag that you’ll join the rest of the lunch table and have done the deed by graduation. With who, I don’t know.” She immediately whispered, “Luke,” before returning to her normal tone. “But you definitely need to be on birth control.”
Birth control? Birth control meant talking about sex, and I counted myself lucky as I’d avoided the sex talk with any parental figure. “My dad is gonna freak.”
Lila rolled off the bed, grabbed my hand and dragged me up. “Oh, no, sista, we’re not hitting up Daddy. Let’s go dress shopping!”
FIVE TORTUROUS HOURS LATER, Ashley and Lila finally agreed on my homecoming dress. Unless I planned on appearing like the mother of the bride, I couldn’t find a dress with long sleeves. We settled on a black satin strapless dress, midthigh skirt, with matching black satin gloves that reached to my biceps.