11
Jonah
In American Lit, my pencil taps repeatedly against the top of my desk until Cooper turns around and slams it to a stop. “What is your deal?”
I yank the pencil out from under his palm. “Nothing.”
“Maybe if we got you laid, it would help.”
I glare and Cooper shakes his head as he returns to his conversation with a junior caught in his snare. Another minute ticks off the clock. Stella’s usually early. Not late. If she were going to take that rose, she’d do it now. She’s an all-or-nothing type of girl.
I’m on the edge of my seat, waiting, wondering, praying...I don’t want Stella out of my life. She’s beautiful and she’s funny and—I spot her shoes first. My heart swells to my throat and with a quick glance up, I run a hand through my hair in victory.
The release of nervous adrenaline causes the need to yell, clap my hands and hug her, but the sly look she sends me as she heads to the back corner says she’d decimate me into miniscule pieces if I did.
Stella owns the rose in a way only she would—pinned into that purple hair.
12
Stella
I’m early by twenty minutes. That’s what happens when Joss drinks Red Bull during the last hour of her shift and is shaking from a caffeine high.
Sitting cross-legged in the waiting area of the front office, I finish filling in the purple strip of the rainbow I’ve created on my left hand. Satisfied with the multicolored arch, I click the top back into place and toss it back into the bucket of other markers I swiped from the secretary’s desk. It’s not one of my better creations, but it will be enough to distract the guidance counselor from over-questioning my decision to drop from the college prep track to the co-op track.
A knock on the window behind me makes me glance over my shoulder. In the hallway, Jonah stands all hot with his hat on backwards and brown hair pushed back away from his forehead. He tips his chin down the hall and I know what he wants.
I nod and try to quench the warm fuzzies in my stomach when he grins at me.
The two of us belong in totally different universes, but for the past couple of weeks, we’ve been em">
Except at moments like this.
I stand and the school’s receptionist notices. “I need to use the restroom. Can you tell the counselor I’ll be back in a second?”
“Sure.”
I leave my folder, notebook, and pen there and practically skip out the door to weave through the students hanging in the main hallway until the first bell rings. Jonah found this spot, off a hallway that’s off the hallway—a nook that is most often empty. An area that’s away from prying eyes and the outside world. That’s where we go and talk.
Rounding the second corner, my breath catches in my chest. Jonah’s leaning with his back against the wall in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt spread taut across his muscles. We’re friends, I guess. Just friends.
I affirm my barrette’s in place and when my fingers slide against the silky petals of the fake rose, I continue forward. “What’s up?”
His lips stretch into this beautiful smile when he looks at me and I respond in kind. Oh my God, what is happening between us?
“I wanted to make sure you’d be at the cemetery today,” he says.
I rest my shoulder against the wall and he angles his body so that he’s a mirror of me. He’s close enough that the heat from his body is creating a bubble for us, and if I did do the whole fantasy thing I’d be dreaming of him touching me. But I’m Stella and he’s Jonah and I don’t believe in fairy tales.
Inhaling, I smell freshly cut grass and my stomach sinks. I love the smell, but it means he’s been to the cemetery again—this morning. Sure enough, his sneakers are darkened with dew and a few stray pieces of green grass rest over his laces. “Jonah, this has got to stop.”
13
Jonah
I went to the cemetery again and Stella knows it. When James died, I promised myself that I’d only go once, but then I went again and I just kept going. Then I met Stella. She’s helped...a lot. She helps me forget, but then I woke up this morning to find a note from my parents stating that they rescheduled with the reporter. All the chaos I thought was slipping away has returned.
Stella’s head falls back in disappointment and I hate that I’ve somehow let her down. “This is not healthy.”
“Healthy?” Not what I was expecting. “You don’t know anyone at the cemetery and yet you hang out there like it’s the mall. Out of the two of us, I’d say you’re the one with the bigger problems.”
She arches her back like a pissed off cat and her eyes harden. Crap. Not what I intended to do.
“Guess I’m a freak, right?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh, it is.” She’s referring to Cooper and how he’s cracked snide comments here and there, particularly when she passes our table at lunch. Without a doubt it’s my fault. Cooper’s noticed my fascination with Stella and he’s asked repeatedly and loudly why I’m interested in the freak.
She turns her back to me and I grow desperate. Stella’s the lone person I’ve been able to talk to, to be with, and through our time together, she’s becoming more and I like more. “Stella, wait.”
But she doesn’t.
I have to give her something. Something I’ve never given anyone. “Stella...I visit James Cohen because...because it’s my fault he died.”