I sat her on the edge of the bed, and out of habit my eyes went to her midsection. I think I’d looked at her stomach more in two days than in the entirety of our relationship before now.
“I did something today. Something a little crazy.”
“Okay,” she said tentatively, her fists clenched on top of her knees.
I blew out a breath.
“I interviewed for a job.”
“You what?”
“I know, I know.” I paced the length of the carpet in front of her. “I know it’s out of nowhere, but an old boss talked to me about it at the party the other night. I didn’t think anything of it until yesterday, but it solves all of our problems. The money is great, and they’ll pay for us to relocate. We’ll have health insurance to cover the birth. We’ll be able to afford to live in a very safe part of the city with good schools. You can audition here, and you won’t have to worry about working any other jobs.”
“You interviewed for a job here in London without telling me?”
“I haven’t accepted it.”
“You sure as hell better not have accepted it.”
I was mucking this up completely. I forced myself to stop pacing and kneel in front of her on the bed.
“I know this is a lot. I’m only asking you to think about it, to think of all the problems it could solve.”
“What about all the problems it creates? I’m already booked for a show in the fall.”
“You’d have to give that show up if you’re pregnant anyway. You’d be showing by then.”
She stood, and then it was she who started pacing.
“We don’t even know if we’re pregnant yet. You want to uproot our entire life on a possibility?”
I took hold of her elbows and said, “No. No, of course not. We can wait to answer until next week, until we know for sure. But even if you’re not pregnant, Bliss, you might be someday. This job is a rare opportunity. Most people have to work their way up for years to get this kind of job.”
“And what kind of job is it?”
“What do you mean?”
She gripped my shoulders like she wanted to shake me. “What will you be doing? You love theatre. You said it made you grow up. It led you to me. You’re going to leave that for what? A job behind a desk?”
“I love you, more than I’ve ever loved acting.”
She pulled her elbows out of my grasp and threw up her arms.
“What does that have to do with any of this?”
“Bliss, I’m doing this for you. For us.”
“Well, stop.”
I shook my head. “What?”
“You heard me. Stop. I didn’t ask you to do any of this.”
“You don’t have to ask.” I dragged a thumb across her jaw. “I just think it’s time for a bit of realism. It would be stupid not to take this job.”
“I’m hearing a lot of stupid things at the moment.”
Okay. So she wasn’t excited about the idea of living in London.
“Damn it, Bliss. We need this. I’m trying to grow up, to get a real job, and be an adult about all this.”
“Being an adult doesn’t mean you change everything about yourself. You were an adult already without this fancy job and the money.”
“But now I can be an adult that can provide for you.”
“You already provide all I need. You said we needed a dose of realism?”
“Yes. We do.”
I could see that now.
“You said almost the same thing to me on the first night we met, on the night we kissed. We were talking about theatre, about Shakespeare.”
“Bliss—”
“I never would have even stopped at that table if you hadn’t been reading those plays. We would have met for the first time as teacher and student, and nothing would have happened between us. We might not have fallen in love if you hadn’t been the assistant director for Phaedra. You proposed to me on stage, Garrick. Our whole life is theatre. The love we have is because of theatre. I associate all of our greatest moments with a play. If we’d thought about what was safe or smart when we met, we wouldn’t be together today. And you’ll always be the man that encouraged me to follow through on my dreams, the man that taught me how to make the bold choices and go after what I wanted. You said you weren’t like your father. He’s supposed to be the one whose primary concern is money.”
“The money is just a means to an end. You and the baby are my priority.”
“If you really want to do something for me, you’ll turn down this job.”
“Bliss, just think about it.”
“I am thinking about it. I’m thinking about how I fell in love with a man who told a classroom full of seniors that the hardest thing about this life isn’t landing roles or having enough money. It’s keeping up your spirit and remembering why we chose theatre in the first place. So take your own advice, Garrick. You could have had this life all those years ago, but you didn’t want it. You wanted something different. Something better. And either you still want that other life, that life with me. Or you don’t. But I would leave before I’d let you ruin your own dream.”
The silence detonated in my ears. My heart was raging in my chest, and I felt like my ribs were going to crack if it beat any harder. I couldn’t lose her. I wanted her more than I wanted anything else. She eclipsed every dream, every desire, every doubt.