“Someday I’m going to see you dance, Cole.”
I close my eyes, humming my acceptance, and just let him hold me, his thumb smudging up and down the back of my neck in a way that’s both comforting and incendiary.
We’ve passed the point where this is acceptable for a hug, but I just don’t feel like letting go. And I’m scared to push it any further because if I don’t feel like letting go of a hug, how much harder will it be to stop something more?
“I hate to break it to you,” I begin, and his head tips down to hear me better. His lips graze my forehead lightly, then rest there for good, pushing my heartbeat into a breakneck pace. “But I don’t think you have a future as a dancer.”
He laughs. “No, probably not.”
It makes me laugh too, and I take the opportunity to slide out of his grasp, to gain some distance. His hand trails down my back as I step away, and that slow glide makes me shiver.
“Can we just watch another movie or something?”
“Sure.”
He picks up the blanket from the recliner and hands it to me before heading to the TV.
“Any special requests?”
“Something that doesn’t suck.”
The smile he sends me makes me collapse on the couch a little harder than necessary.
“Comedy? Action? Drama? I don’t have much in the way of chick flicks.”
“Whatever you like.”
I don’t think I’ll be able to pay attention enough for it to matter anyway.
In the end, he picks a television show on Netflix instead of a movie . . . something British about time travel. He doesn’t start it at the beginning, but instead starts me on an episode from one of the later seasons that he says can stand alone.
It’s a little cheesy, with some kind of techno sci-fi introduction music, but he seems excited about it.
While the beginning of the episode starts, he walks past the couch and back toward his bedroom. I take the opportunity to slip off my jacket and shoes, leaving me in a short-sleeve shirt. He returns a few seconds later with a pillow in hand and flips off the light.
He drops the pillow against the armrest and then leans back against it.
“Come here, Cole.” He opens his arms to me, his voice deep and soft.
I only hesitate for a second before I get up, shake out the blanket, and lie down in front of him, my back to his chest. He shifts the pillow diagonally so that both of our heads can lie on it, his a few inches above mine. I can feel his breath ruffling my hair, and I feel a little light-headed. He situates the blanket over both of us, his hand brushing up against my legs a few times and making me jump. When we’re both comfortable, he drapes an arm over my waist and pulls me in until our bodies are curved together from head to toe.
I shut my eyes tight, and an irresistible smile starts pulling at my lips. I could fool myself into thinking that this is something that friends do, that it doesn’t mean anything, but I’m not so sure that I want to be fooled anymore.
I’ve spent my whole life following along with whatever Dad wanted me to do. And when he wasn’t busy constricting my life, I was doing it for him.
And now . . . I think it might be time to loosen the reins and let myself breathe.
Cautiously, I lay my arm over the top of his that’s draped over my waist. He doesn’t bother with caution. Boldly, he laces our fingers together before tucking both our hands between my side and the cushion, his arm wrapped firmly around my middle.
The show is interesting . . . with angel statues that come alive, basically ensuring that I’ll never be able to turn my back to any statue again. Ever. But I’m more concerned with the person at my back now.
Halfway through the episode I say, “Carson?”
“Hmm?” He lifts his head off the pillow, leaning down and resting his chin against my shoulder.
I don’t breathe before I ask, “Could you walk away?”
He locks up behind me and the hand still holding mine flexes. I find myself glad for the way we’re lying because I know I couldn’t have asked this with him looking at my face.
“Are you asking me to?”
There’s a hint of emotion in his voice that makes me wish I could see his face without having to return the favor.
“No. I’m just asking if you could.”
He exhales, his breath hot against the skin of my neck, but he doesn’t relax.
“I don’t know how you want me to answer this, Dallas. I’m scared I’m going to give the wrong answer, and you’re going to be the one walking away.”
“Just tell me the truth. Honesty, right? This is a safe space.”
I didn’t think there was any more space to be had between us, but he tugs me back forcefully, plastering our bodies together. I can feel his body’s answer against my behind before he whispers against my ear, “No. I can’t walk away from you.”
It should scare me, but mostly I’m just glad I’m not the only one.
His lips touch my neck, and I want him so badly that my body arches into his from that tiny connection.
“I can’t walk away from you because I don’t want to. There are a thousand things I want and need to do, but you trump all of them. You drive me to distraction, and all I want to do is get lost in you. All I want to do is make you lose it, too.”
His lips skim up my neck, not quite kissing, just teasing before he plants a firm kiss on the corner of my jaw.
“Is that the answer you wanted? Or have I scared you off?”